Awkward... my uncle asked my mom about the rehearsal dinner...

since he's going to be staying at the hotel where we're having the RD the night before the wedding! (he's a 4 hour drive from the wedding and he's staying over 2 nights)... My mom is kind of upset that she can't invite her own brother and his wife to the RD (and I don't blame her seeing as my parents are paying for the entire wedding the next night!). He asked because he has 2 daughters who are married who had RD's whose in-law's paid for the RD and invited OOT guests, so he thought he'd be included since he'd be here. I agree with him!

My FH's mom already told my FH that she's not paying for OOT guests (she was upset that I was going along with etiquette which suggests that we do). Meanwhile, there would only be a maximum of 10 OOT guests staying the night before the wedding who are not participating in the wedding who we would like to have at the RD.

What can I do? Should we wait until it gets closer and see who books the night before the wedding? My FH is so protective of what his mom has to pay for (not what MY parents have to pay for), that it causes arguments between us at the mere mention of his mom having to pay a penny more for anything. Maybe my mom can ask his mom when the day gets closer?

Any suggestions? We were thinking that my mom would pay for them, but we're sick of my parents having to supplement ALL the costs because no one wants to shell money out (she's already putting money into my bridal shower because his sisters were upset about the costs )

well sarah, i hate to say this, but i think that if your parents want to include the OOTs, then they should pay for them...i only say that because if the non-payers wanted to add extras to the CH or reception, the advice would be to tell them to pay for it...i know i know...your parents have shelled out enough as is...but it's his mom/parents paying for this event...you kind of have to play by their rules and if you want more, you have to pay for it.

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Posted by BelMal

That is really horrible of your FMIL...do they just expect these people to walk by you at the hotel while you are all eating. I would invite the OOTguests and pay for them myself if I had too...really how bad is coming up with the bill for 10 people in the whole scheme of things?

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I feel the same way BUT if she is not going to budge then you or your parents should offer to pay - that way your parents OOT guests can enjoy the dinner as well. Ugh. some people.

I'm ready to ask him to do a reading just to 'get him in!'

i agree that maybe you and FI could start saving and pay for the extra guests yourselves, since your parents and his mom are all paying for different things already. .
it does seem unfair that his mom isn't willing to pay for a couple extra OOT guests, BUT, i think you do have to sort of go with what she wants, since shes paying for the RD. it stinks, but just be happy that she is contributng anything at all...

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Posted by ML110

i agree that maybe you and FI could start saving and pay for the extra guests yourselves, since your parents and his mom are all paying for different things already. .
it does seem unfair that his mom isn't willing to pay for a couple extra OOT guests, BUT, i think you do have to sort of go with what she wants, since shes paying for the RD. it stinks, but just be happy that she is contributng anything at all...

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Oh... we're already paying for about $20,000 of our wedding budget. My parents - $30,000. His mom... $1266 (25 people at RD). 10 extra people would be just over $400. That's where the bitterness comes in.

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by ML110

i agree that maybe you and FI could start saving and pay for the extra guests yourselves, since your parents and his mom are all paying for different things already. .
it does seem unfair that his mom isn't willing to pay for a couple extra OOT guests, BUT, i think you do have to sort of go with what she wants, since shes paying for the RD. it stinks, but just be happy that she is contributng anything at all...

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Oh... we're already paying for about $20,000 of our wedding budget. My parents - $30,000. His mom... $1266 (25 people at RD). 10 extra people would be just over $400. That's where the bitterness comes in.

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Life is too short, don't be bitter over $400.... In the grand scheme of things its really not that big of a deal..

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Posted by JandJ1224


Life is too short, don't be bitter over $400.... In the grand scheme of things its really not that big of a deal..

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Well, to me it is. She has no interest in this wedding and has said to me that my FH would have been happier getting married in Vegas and that weddings are just not a big deal to his family. Well, they're all coming and will enjoy themselves, aren't they? I appreciate your input, but this IS something that upsets me and my parents - and it's more the priniciple of it and the lack of interest and support than the actual monetary value. We did not put a limit on their guest list for the engagement party or the wedding... there shouldn't be one on our guest list for the RD.

Ok try not to be bitter. We had a very simliar problem. My aunt invited herself and her daughter to the RD. My parents offered to pay for them, but DH and I said we would b/c my parents were paying for the entire wedding the next night (plus a hospitality suite at the hotel).

DH's mom is VERY VERY cheap. She wanted everyone to pay for themselves at the RD. So, DH and I covered my aunt and cousin plus all of the alcohol. It stunk, but to keep the peace, we just did it.

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Posted by Blu-ize

I personally would just pay for it.

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we probably will end up doing that, if it means my uncle will be there. It would just be nice if she would invite them herself, but oh well!

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Posted by kathrynlinton

Ok try not to be bitter. We had a very simliar problem. My aunt invited herself and her daughter to the RD. My parents offered to pay for them, but DH and I said we would b/c my parents were paying for the entire wedding the next night (plus a hospitality suite at the hotel).

DH's mom is VERY VERY cheap. She wanted everyone to pay for themselves at the RD. So, DH and I covered my aunt and cousin plus all of the alcohol. It stunk, but to keep the peace, we just did it.

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thank you for the very similar story! We'll probably do the same thing. I can't imagine telling them they can't come! We'll pay for them then. Thanks!

Can I tell you that when SIL got married (in May of 05) DH's mom wouldn't pay for the RD at all (Her husband's parents paid for the wedding), so SIL invited everyone, including the OOT guests to a restaurant and then told them they had to pay for themselves!!!

So, when MIL suggested everyone paying for themselves, I hit the roof, but only to myself, I nicely told DH, no, she could pay for it, or we would work something else out.



I still can't get over that SIL have people pay for themselves!!!

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Posted by kathrynlinton

Can I tell you that when SIL got married (in May of 05) DH's mom wouldn't pay for the RD at all (Her husband's parents paid for the wedding), so SIL invited everyone, including the OOT guests to a restaurant and then told them they had to pay for themselves!!!

So, when MIL suggested everyone paying for themselves, I hit the roof, but only to myself, I nicely told DH, no, she could pay for it, or we would work something else out.



I still can't get over that SIL have people pay for themselves!!!

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OMG! I can't imagine the moment when the bill arrived! That must have been SOOO awkward! How do people have the nerve?!!?