Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Soon2bShea Posted: Nov 09, 2009 09:20 AM

Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

One of my BM's is FFIL's girlfriend. (FH's parents are divorced) Lately, FFIL and her have been having alot of issues. FFIL wants out of the relationship, but hasn't told her, but I think its inevitably going to happen before my wedding.

If they break up before the wedding, I think it would be VERY awkward for her to be a BM in her ex-boyfriend's son's wedding. My mom keeps telling me I should keep her because she is my friend, but she is so dramatic and I know that if FFIL was dating someone else at that time, she would be non-stop b*tching about it during the wedding .

Is it wrong for me to ask her to step down if they break up?

Jna2010 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 09:24 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

i would cross that bridge when you get to it.... im sure that if it does happen she would most likely feel awkward being in it, but again i wouldnt bring it up until it becomes an issue

jcreilly Posted: Nov 09, 2009 09:26 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

I askFFIL please dont bring a date because you dont wanna drama on ur day that just the 2 of them can not bring a dates!
I am sure he will understand his family will be there so he will have people to talk with and she is one of ur BM so she can hang out with the other girls if the all have dates then maybe she can bring a friend with her - but a girl, so she would not b**** and no will get jealous

Soon2bShea Posted: Nov 09, 2009 09:26 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Posted by Jna2010

i would cross that bridge when you get to it.... im sure that if it does happen she would most likely feel awkward being in it, but again i wouldnt bring it up until it becomes an issue

they need to order their dresses soon and I would feel really bad if she got a dress and then shes not in the wedding

Golden Posted: Nov 09, 2009 09:28 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

I think you have to decide if you want her in the wedding for yourself. You have decide as a friend, regardless of what the potential awkwardness may be. If you want her in the wedding as a friend then keep her and just stay away from her as much as possible on the wedding day, lol, but if you feel like your relatioship with her is based more on your relationship with FH and FFIL then I'd tell her to step down but still attend. It really depends on what you want for YOU it's not about anyone else.

Lsorrent Posted: Nov 09, 2009 09:55 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Well did you make her a BM because you have a great relationship with her, or did you make her a BM because she's FFIL's girlfriend?

Think about if she and FFIL broke up. Would you still talk with her? Hang out with her? Or would you never see her again?

I think *that* should be your determining factor.

MikesBride2B Posted: Nov 09, 2009 10:53 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Posted by Lsorrent

Well did you make her a BM because you have a great relationship with her, or did you make her a BM because she's FFIL's girlfriend?

Think about if she and FFIL broke up. Would you still talk with her? Hang out with her? Or would you never see her again?

I think *that* should be your determining factor.

This completely...my MOH is my ex boyfriend's sister...I chose her because we had a relationship completely independent of him and she is an important person in my life.

MrsHazel2B Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:09 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Posted by Lsorrent

Well did you make her a BM because you have a great relationship with her, or did you make her a BM because she's FFIL's girlfriend?

Think about if she and FFIL broke up. Would you still talk with her? Hang out with her? Or would you never see her again?

I think *that* should be your determining factor.

Laura took the words right outta my mouth! But if she decides to step down on her own, it's a different story.

pipermaru Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:33 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Posted by Jna2010

i would cross that bridge when you get to it.... im sure that if it does happen she would most likely feel awkward being in it, but again i wouldnt bring it up until it becomes an issue

ita

StellaStar13 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:41 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Ummmmm def a tough one......well listen IMPO, it ***** to be 'kicked while you are down'. If your friend gets dumped and is devastated, you dropping her from your wedding would probably make it worse for her. If I were you, I would let it be, see what happens. If he does choose to end it, be there for her & then after a week or two as her how she feels. Give her the option to back out. You never know that might be a relief for her. I wouldn't stress the whole dress situation. Bridal salons deal w/this stuff all the time, I'm sure you can work something out if she does decided to back out. If she doesn't want to back out, then I would be VERY clear w/her that you expect her to respect your wedding day and deal w/whatever 'issues' that may still be remaining between her and your FFIL.

Good Luck!

CloudNine Posted: Nov 09, 2009 12:46 PM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Posted by Jna2010

i would cross that bridge when you get to it.... im sure that if it does happen she would most likely feel awkward being in it, but again i wouldnt bring it up until it becomes an issue

i totally agree. she may step down on her own at that point

IrishCro Posted: Nov 09, 2009 01:33 PM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

But what would you say now? 'I know that FFIL is going to dump you...' That's not ok to say. I'd just see where the chips fall, perhaps the FFIL can pay for her dress if they do break up and she wants to step down.

Diana508 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 01:59 PM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

She might step down herself. I did that in the past (stepped down when I broke up with an ex whose sister was getting married). This really should occur to her to do w/o you having to say it.

Nina1010 Posted: Nov 10, 2009 12:50 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

Don't stress over it now.... I know you want them to buy the dresses... but relationships go through these cycles and they may end up sticking it out.

On the other hand, I guess you can ask her is she feels comfortable planning your wedding with everything going on in her relationship.. see how she responds... see if she brings it up and offer her the out if she wants it, presenting it as if you will not be offended by it and you totally understand how uncomfortable it would be for both of them.

JAAMS Posted: Nov 10, 2009 08:15 AM

Re: Awkward (Potential Jerry Springer-ish) BM situation...kinda long sorry

I would wait it out, and see what actually happens.

She probably knows the relationship is on the rocks, and will go into buying the dress potentially knowing that it might not be used.