Baby fever question...

I'm sure Melissa27 is already aware of my situation... but for those who aren't... I'm pretty much venting.

My husband and I have been together for over 9 years. We've been married a little over 3 months. Well, for years now, I've wanted a baby. My husband said when our money situation gets better, we'll start trying. Well, now it's getting better and now he says he's not ready yet. Well, first it was that he wasn't ready, then it was the money, now he's back to not being ready. He says he wants a baby, but not yet. Now, I really don't understand why? This is upsetting me so much. I am so ready. We talked about this yesterday and somewhat before. Obviously, I have to wait, but how am I suppose to put these type of feelings aside and wait for him? It's different than your usual wanting something and then compromising, you know? I just can't say, ok let me know when you're ready! It's not that easy. He doesn't understand that. It's really bothering me, and I don't know how to deal with the waiting? Has or is anyone in this situation? Can anyone help? Thanks so much, I appreciate it.

Re: Baby fever question...

Melissa - you guys have been together for a long time but you're still pretty young and have only been married a few months. I can totally undertstand your husband's anxiety especially considering it wasn't that long ago that you weren't working and were having finanical difficulties.

I guess I don't understand the rush, since baby fever hasn't struck me yet. But this isn't something you want to pressure your husband into. It'll happen, just give him a little more time. I'd give it 6 months (with no pressure) and then check in with him again.

In the meantime, babysit some infants for a day or weekend. Maybe that'll help satisfy the need.

Re: Baby fever question...

Melissa I think I remember that you were in school or just starting to find a full -time job, right? I am sure that you want a baby very, very badly but I think that your husband really wants to be on more solid ground first. I don't blame him at all. I am not sure how you can 'calm' your desiree for a baby but maybe ifyou write yourself a note about why you want a baby and the pros of waiting another year or so. I am sure when you read the pros you will be able to live with the decision a bit easier.

Re: Baby fever question...

Melissa, I think I responded to one of your posts awhile back about the reasons to wait until your are financially secure and settled in a house (if possible). There's no reason to rush, especially since you are young....I'm not saying you should live by someone else's rules per se, but maybe take heed from someone else's experience.

I think sometimes people romantize the idea of having a child, as if it's just the natural step after marriage. While that's true to a certain extent, it's not true for every person b/c having a baby radically changes your life and both people have to be ready for it to happen.

It sounds like your hubby is not being stubborn, but rather, he's realizing the sacrifices that you will both have to make before and after the baby comes. I can't see a reason to blame him for being rational about it. And, I think that most men naturally feel added pressure b/c society says they should be able to provide for a family.

It took me awhile to accept that I couldn't have anymore spontaneous or impulsive buys at the mall, no more splurges on shoes or clothes, no more eating out every weekend...these were all things that I had to give up before AND after my son was born. The baby's needs always have to come first.

I think that LisaT had a great idea about spending more time sitting for an infant. Perhaps you should spend an entire weekend with a newborn, and see if you are ready for the reality of a baby. Take it from me, it's a lot of work!
Hang in there....your time will come and it will be joyous!