Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

tink79 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 12:54 PM

Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

I need some advice girls. My MOH called me last night and said she can't afford to come to my bach. party. How does a MOH do that? I'm furious! She said that going back to school and the fact that she has a bunch of family members having babies means she can't come to my Bach party! I just feel like its a BS excuse! she got married in June, between March and July I had: 4 bridal showers, 3 weddings, 3 bachelorette parties, 2 BM dresses to buy, not to mention making payments for my own wedding. I am by no means independantly wealthy and her and her DH prob make more than me and FH do. She was planning the BP this is not something new that was sprung on her she knew about the party for months. It just kills me because I was her MOH and I did everything I could to make her BP special. She offered to take me out another night, but come on! how can you have money to take me out but not enough money to go the Bach party. Oh, BTW we were doing the 1 night cruise to no where, its $133 a person, its not a ton of money. I just don't know what to do now, do I cancel the cruise and do something else? or go on the cruise without my MOH? I'm just so mad and upset right now, I don't understand why if she has so many 'things' going on why does my BP have to be the one she doesn't do? Sorry this is so long Vent over

dancerandchef Posted: Aug 31, 2007 12:59 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Wow!! I think you need to take your MOH aside and
speak to her face to face as to why you choose her to be you MOH and what it is to be a MOH. That the MOH should always be there for the bride.

We are so sorry to hear about this. If you need anything else. Please feel free to FM me.

~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael

tink79 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 01:13 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Thanks so much! I'm getting together with her on Monday I really don;t know what I;m going to say but I know I need some time to calm down. The more I think about it the madder I get! UGH its added stress I really didn't need right now!

nycerika318 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 01:18 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

That is wrong of her. She should have known what her obligations were when she agreed to be your MOH. Additionally $133 is peanuts compared to what it costs to make a wedding. She should be able to come up with that somewhere. You have a right to be upset with her. However, if other people are okay with the plan and you are okay with not having her be there, I would suggest you don't change it. Additionally, did she offer any cheaper suggestions? I don't think I have ever been to a bachelorette party where I didn't spend at least $60.

Mich0621 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 01:22 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

I absolutely agree that it is a BS excuse. No one should be forced to do above their means, but you did for her, and being that she was married not too long ago, she knew exactly how much things cost. This is why we ASK, not TELL people to be in our BP. If she was frank and said, listen, I would be honored, but I can't afford it, I am sure that no one would say a word....but don't accept a responsibility if you are not willing to do it!

My MOH and BMs, who are amazing, all explained to me what they could and couldn't do financially (3 of 4 are still in school)...so, I understood, and no one was treated like crap! It is all about being up front!

If I were you, you should calmly sit her down and speak to her calmly. Explain how you feel and tell her that it is very hurtful, considering that you did for her, even if you had to pinch pennies, and considering she was just married, she knows what duties are hers as a MOH. Also explain that you would never ask her to do anything above her means, but it would devastate you if she skipped your BP! Turn it around and ask her how she would feel if you did that to her!

sweetdreamz1181 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 01:23 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

i think you should def talk to her and tell her how you feel

Mich0621 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 01:24 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Posted by nycerika318

That is wrong of her. She should have known what her obligations were when she agreed to be your MOH. Additionally $133 is peanuts compared to what it costs to make a wedding. She should be able to come up with that somewhere. You have a right to be upset with her. However, if other people are okay with the plan and you are okay with not having her be there, I would suggest you don't change it. Additionally, did she offer any cheaper suggestions? I don't think I have ever been to a bachelorette party where I didn't spend at least $60.

Couldn't agree more...and it is not about the cost (although I have gone to dinners that cost more than that!)...it is the fact that if she couldn't afford that, she as MOH. who traditionally plans the BP, should have tossed around other ideas which work for everyone!

tink79 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 01:25 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

thanks girls! Its just crazy cause this came out of no where. The last week or so she's been distant and then last night she calls me and blind sides me with this.
I appreciate all the kind words! thanks!

ant n tilde Posted: Aug 31, 2007 01:28 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

you know if it were some extravagant bach party where you had to pay for airfare or hotels i would respond that you never know anyones finances and you have to be understanding

but if she controls her spending your BP will be less than $200 and that is awesome! I mean she should have budgeted SOME amount when she agreed to be your MOH

i would go even if she cant make it!

imas98 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 02:04 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Tobewed07 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 02:08 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

My MOH is not coming to my BP either, well that's if I even have one, right now its not 100% planned. I am hearing rumors, that's how I know she is probably not coming. She has an 11 month old and doesn't feel comfortable leaving her overnight.

soon2BMrsDee Posted: Aug 31, 2007 03:09 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Aw man!!! I am sorry you're having to deal with this BS... I would definitely NOT cancel your cruise - and at some point sit your MOH down and talk to her... she made a commitment to be your MOH - the biggest of them all and she's giving you the biggest LET DOWN of them all by not being there...

znycgirl Posted: Aug 31, 2007 05:56 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

That's sad.

One of my closest friends didn't even bother to RSVP NOT to come.

Only thing you can do (besides calling her & saying you are teed off) is forget it, have a great time, and re-e-valuate.

ALL my BMs came (even the POOR and the pregnant ones) to my BP.

diva7531 Posted: Aug 31, 2007 06:57 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Posted by imas98

Posted by tink79

thanks girls! Its just crazy cause this came out of no where. The last week or so she's been distant and then last night she calls me and blind sides me with this.
I appreciate all the kind words! thanks!

For some reason I don't think money is the issue. I've never heard of a MOH not going to the bachelorette party ! I'd offer to loan her the money and see what she says...if she still gives you an excuse then something else is up.

ooooohhhhh, I was so gonna say this. Tell her you will help pay if it means she will be there, tell her it means that much to you that she attend. See where it goes from there. If she still refuses ask her if there is something elsegoing on. Make it all about her, nothing to do with you. Then if you are not satisfied with he answers, call her out.

jgl Posted: Aug 31, 2007 08:23 PM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Posted by ant n tilde

you know if it were some extravagant bach party where you had to pay for airfare or hotels i would respond that you never know anyones finances and you have to be understanding

but if she controls her spending your BP will be less than $200 and that is awesome! I mean she should have budgeted SOME amount when she agreed to be your MOH

i would go even if she cant make it!

i agree, however, has she ever pulled something like this before? Could it be that there is something going on that she isnt telling you- causing her to be low on funds.

tink79 Posted: Sep 01, 2007 12:01 AM

Re: Bach party/MOH vent (sorry so long!!!)

Thanks girls I appreciate all the advice. She's never been like this before but she's been acting a bit shady lately and I don't know why? I'll let you girls know what happens after I talk to her on Monday. Thanks again girls!