Bad Sex

there was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent *******,' She screamed at him, 'how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: 'I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids.'

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGG

> A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS. HE BREAKS
> INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN
> BED. HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING
> THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS
> UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.

> WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: 'LISTEN, THIS GUY'S
> AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF
> TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS. I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK.
> IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS
> YOU. SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS
> PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG,
> HONEY. I LOVE YOU'

> TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: 'HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS
> WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE,
> AND ASKED IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM.
> BE STRONG HONEY. I LOVE YOU TOO!!'

#2

OMG!



Both stories are too funny

THOSE WERE GOOD

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Posted by enjft

> A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS. HE BREAKS
> INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN
> BED. HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING
> THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS
> UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.

> WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: 'LISTEN, THIS GUY'S
> AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF
> TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS. I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK.
> IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS
> YOU. SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS
> PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG,
> HONEY. I LOVE YOU'

> TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: 'HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS
> WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE,
> AND ASKED IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM.
> BE STRONG HONEY. I LOVE YOU TOO!!'

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HAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!


that is hysterical!!!

thats great

both r great!!!

OMG!!!!