Banking Issue....ETA: UPDATE

I've been thinking about how to invest a little wiser, looking around at ING accounts, HSBC, you name it, i've looked at it. I have a stock account, it's got some $$ in it, but i'm far from wealthy. I just started my FIRST full-time job in January, I just started paying back my student loans, just found out i can keep my job this morning (was working on permit, found out I passed my boards), so the whole money thing has been a little crazy. We moved in together in december and it just seems like the whole financial issue is where we are constantly butting heads. FH is a little on the old school side....doesn't believe in direct deposit, has a very small stock account, and has a decent amout of $$ saved in an account that is yielding (according to national standards) MINIMAL interest. I have opened up a high(er) interest account from when we got engaged, and the money that we earned on interest alone was a nice bonus. I am trying to talk FH into moving the money he saved from account A to account B so that while it sits there, he can earn more $$ on it, and he doesn't want to do it. He's making peanuts on his money, and even after i showed him the difference, he doesn't want to do it. The thing that is aggrivating me is that as soon as I mention investing, he doesn't want to hear it, shuts me down, and all he does is tell me what he ISN'T going to do. The pathetic part is that he doesn't even have a reason for it. IDK if it's just being lazy, or what, but if he wants to get out of an apartment and buy a house, we need to do whatever we can to save and earn. I have found the whole financial issue has been the absolute nightmare of getting married. We come from two totally different backgrounds and I was raised to invest, he was raised to just sock it away, even if in a shoebox. I feel like I can't talk to him about this and IDK what to do. I don't want the rest of my life to be like this, I disagree with the whole 'seperate' money thing. When you're married, you're married and thats it. Things are supposed to be done together.

I agree with the whole money thing not having to be separate BUT i also think it shouldn't be ALL one persons decision as to what is done with the money. It needs to be both your decision, and you both need to sit down and talk and bounce ideas off of eachother instead of him being told what he should do. Personally, i would purposely not do it just for that reason. If it was presented to me differently then i'd think aboutit

also be careful with investing money now, considering TONS of companies will be gone at the end of the year, i mean even citigroup, sprint and all these companies so its hard. Not sure whats going on with some companies but they are in ALOT of trouble. Thats why we'll see lots of mergers soon

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Posted by Espo22

I agree with the whole money thing not having to be separate BUT i also think it shouldn't be ALL one persons decision as to what is done with the money. It needs to be both your decision, and you both need to sit down and talk and bounce ideas off of eachother instead of him being told what he should do. Personally, i would purposely not do it just for that reason. If it was presented to me differently then i'd think aboutit

also be careful with investing money now, considering TONS of companies will be gone at the end of the year, i mean even citigroup, sprint and all these companies so its hard. Not sure whats going on with some companies but they are in ALOT of trouble. Thats why we'll see lots of mergers soon

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I *never* approached him as 'this is what you have to do...you must do it'....but i know he has never looked into it on his own, but is always complaining about $$ (our rent is an inch short of ridiculous) so I took it upon myself to explore other options to see how we can invest smarter, and he just shuts me down. Like this morning, these were my exact words:

'here is what I was thinking.....IDK if it's fool proof or what, but we have Account A that is yielding over 4% right now for the amount of money that we have saved combined. If we transfer the old savings account into this one, we could make appx $XXX in interest. It's basically free money, and we hardly have to do anything because the account is already open'.

He said 'i'm not touching my money....i don't want to put it in another account. This is money for the house'.

I already know it's money for the house which is why I am trying to sprinkle miracle grow on it

Angela, it sounds like you could have been writing about my fiance.

He has bad credit and I have been trying to get him to start fixing it - it's like pulling teeth. He did open an ING account but I also want him to open a savings acct at his bank - he is at bank of america so he could get the 'keep the change' thing - and he refuses. I think becauses of some credit things he is afraid to have too many accounts, afraid they might go after them (????) and he also doesn't want to earn interest because he said that then the irs taxes you on it.

The amount you make from the interest is sooooo much more than you pay in taxes!!!!! He wants to take all of our wedding gifts / checks, cash them, and leave the money in a shoebox. HELLOOOOO. No way. What if the house is burned or robbed? NO FRIGGIN WAY.

And the separate accounts? I totally know where you're coming from on that one. He wants to have separate accounts always. I think it's fine for us each to have our own accounts, but most of the money should be in the same account!

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

Angela, it sounds like you could have been writing about my fiance.

He has bad credit and I have been trying to get him to start fixing it - it's like pulling teeth. He did open an ING account but I also want him to open a savings acct at his bank - he is at bank of america so he could get the 'keep the change' thing - and he refuses. I think becauses of some credit things he is afraid to have too many accounts, afraid they might go after them (????) and he also doesn't want to earn interest because he said that then the irs taxes you on it.

The amount you make from the interest is sooooo much more than you pay in taxes!!!!! He wants to take all of our wedding gifts / checks, cash them, and leave the money in a shoebox. HELLOOOOO. No way. What if the house is burned or robbed? NO FRIGGIN WAY.

And the separate accounts? I totally know where you're coming from on that one. He wants to have separate accounts always. I think it's fine for us each to have our own accounts, but most of the money should be in the same account!

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lets ship them to their own island full of shoeboxes

I have no idea how long you and FH have been together, but my FH and I have been together 4 years as of 2-21-08.

When FH and I got together he had a savings acct. only. He paid all his bills with money orders!

It was only 3 months ago I got him to start paying bills online. and just 1 month ago I convince him to invest and open a money market..

It takes time and constant, but intermitted prodding.

It took me time..........a lot of time

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Posted by 040508Bride

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Posted by Espo22

I agree with the whole money thing not having to be separate BUT i also think it shouldn't be ALL one persons decision as to what is done with the money. It needs to be both your decision, and you both need to sit down and talk and bounce ideas off of eachother instead of him being told what he should do. Personally, i would purposely not do it just for that reason. If it was presented to me differently then i'd think aboutit

also be careful with investing money now, considering TONS of companies will be gone at the end of the year, i mean even citigroup, sprint and all these companies so its hard. Not sure whats going on with some companies but they are in ALOT of trouble. Thats why we'll see lots of mergers soon

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I *never* approached him as 'this is what you have to do...you must do it'....but i know he has never looked into it on his own, but is always complaining about $$ (our rent is an inch short of ridiculous) so I took it upon myself to explore other options to see how we can invest smarter, and he just shuts me down. Like this morning, these were my exact words:

'here is what I was thinking.....IDK if it's fool proof or what, but we have Account A that is yielding over 4% right now for the amount of money that we have saved combined. If we transfer the old savings account into this one, we could make appx $XXX in interest. It's basically free money, and we hardly have to do anything because the account is already open'.

He said 'i'm not touching my money....i don't want to put it in another account. This is money for the house'.

I already know it's money for the house which is why I am trying to sprinkle miracle grow on it

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I guess its hard to get people to change their habits. Maybe explain to him if he can compromise with you and youll listen to his ideas too, not sure. Hopefully it will work.

I can be the same with money, i dont like CC's and besides my debit card dont have any left i closed them all. Sometimes i go for more what is comfortable instead of investing. Sometimes when you hear it a couple of times and see the benefits it can help so dont let the issue go. I know with me its hard to change these certain habits but im trying lol.

Good luck, maybe also have someone else talk about this too with him, just as a form of convo and tht might help

FH is good with spending his money and im great at saving it. So he said ill take care of this end. Although he is better at paying things on time lol...So figure out who is best at what and work on that

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by 040508Bride

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Posted by Espo22

I agree with the whole money thing not having to be separate BUT i also think it shouldn't be ALL one persons decision as to what is done with the money. It needs to be both your decision, and you both need to sit down and talk and bounce ideas off of eachother instead of him being told what he should do. Personally, i would purposely not do it just for that reason. If it was presented to me differently then i'd think aboutit

also be careful with investing money now, considering TONS of companies will be gone at the end of the year, i mean even citigroup, sprint and all these companies so its hard. Not sure whats going on with some companies but they are in ALOT of trouble. Thats why we'll see lots of mergers soon

---

I *never* approached him as 'this is what you have to do...you must do it'....but i know he has never looked into it on his own, but is always complaining about $$ (our rent is an inch short of ridiculous) so I took it upon myself to explore other options to see how we can invest smarter, and he just shuts me down. Like this morning, these were my exact words:

'here is what I was thinking.....IDK if it's fool proof or what, but we have Account A that is yielding over 4% right now for the amount of money that we have saved combined. If we transfer the old savings account into this one, we could make appx $XXX in interest. It's basically free money, and we hardly have to do anything because the account is already open'.

He said 'i'm not touching my money....i don't want to put it in another account. This is money for the house'.

I already know it's money for the house which is why I am trying to sprinkle miracle grow on it

---

I guess its hard to get people to change their habits. Maybe explain to him if he can compromise with you and youll listen to his ideas too, not sure. Hopefully it will work.

I can be the same with money, i dont like CC's and besides my debit card dont have any left i closed them all. Sometimes i go for more what is comfortable instead of investing. Sometimes when you hear it a couple of times and see the benefits it can help so dont let the issue go. I know with me its hard to change these certain habits but im trying lol.

Good luck, maybe also have someone else talk about this too with him, just as a form of convo and tht might help

FH is good with spending his money and im great at saving it. So he said ill take care of this end. Although he is better at paying things on time lol...So figure out who is best at what and work on that

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Good idea - maybe when you are getting your taxes done (if you haven't already) you can ask them about it? I did this in my meeting and it seemed to help a bit. I know that if your fh is like mine, he won't go to a meeting with a financial planner if it's not to discuss something he HAS to .. like taxes.. so if you already went, he probably won't go, right?

Good luck!!!

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by 040508Bride

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Posted by Espo22

I agree with the whole money thing not having to be separate BUT i also think it shouldn't be ALL one persons decision as to what is done with the money. It needs to be both your decision, and you both need to sit down and talk and bounce ideas off of eachother instead of him being told what he should do. Personally, i would purposely not do it just for that reason. If it was presented to me differently then i'd think aboutit

also be careful with investing money now, considering TONS of companies will be gone at the end of the year, i mean even citigroup, sprint and all these companies so its hard. Not sure whats going on with some companies but they are in ALOT of trouble. Thats why we'll see lots of mergers soon

---

I *never* approached him as 'this is what you have to do...you must do it'....but i know he has never looked into it on his own, but is always complaining about $$ (our rent is an inch short of ridiculous) so I took it upon myself to explore other options to see how we can invest smarter, and he just shuts me down. Like this morning, these were my exact words:

'here is what I was thinking.....IDK if it's fool proof or what, but we have Account A that is yielding over 4% right now for the amount of money that we have saved combined. If we transfer the old savings account into this one, we could make appx $XXX in interest. It's basically free money, and we hardly have to do anything because the account is already open'.

He said 'i'm not touching my money....i don't want to put it in another account. This is money for the house'.

I already know it's money for the house which is why I am trying to sprinkle miracle grow on it

---

I guess its hard to get people to change their habits. Maybe explain to him if he can compromise with you and youll listen to his ideas too, not sure. Hopefully it will work.

I can be the same with money, i dont like CC's and besides my debit card dont have any left i closed them all. Sometimes i go for more what is comfortable instead of investing. Sometimes when you hear it a couple of times and see the benefits it can help so dont let the issue go. I know with me its hard to change these certain habits but im trying lol.

Good luck, maybe also have someone else talk about this too with him, just as a form of convo and tht might help

FH is good with spending his money and im great at saving it. So he said ill take care of this end. Although he is better at paying things on time lol...So figure out who is best at what and work on that

---

Good idea - maybe when you are getting your taxes done (if you haven't already) you can ask them about it? I did this in my meeting and it seemed to help a bit. I know that if your fh is like mine, he won't go to a meeting with a financial planner if it's not to discuss something he HAS to .. like taxes.. so if you already went, he probably won't go, right?

Good luck!!!

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taxes....my dad and sister are both accountants...i ask them for advice all the time and so far they have given me great advise on investments, saving, etc. When I try to teach FH about it....his ability to listen dies, and an arguement is usually followed up.

The point i'm trying to make ABOVE AND BEYOND finances his how he doesn't listen. As soon as he hears something he doesn't want to, or disagrees with, theres a fight. I can't stand it bc we live in an apt building and I don't need the whole building knowing my life story. (so why do i post on here?!?! because you all know what you're talking about and i need support....getting family involved is never a good thing in my book)

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

Whatever you do, DO NOT let this destroy your day! You passed your test - celebrate and think about this another day, please!!!

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you're right. you really are. it's 12:30....i think mojitos are appropriate now.

***UPDATE***

Since I couldn't 'talk' to him about it, I decided to e-mail him this 25000000000000000 word email. I explained everything as best as I could and my reasons for wanted to use which account for what...and....IT WORKED!!! He was misunderstanding everything I was saying for some reason and just wasn't getting it, but once he read it and was THEN able to ask questions, he totally got it. I am so happy!!!! This is going to make our lives so much easier!!!!!

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Posted by 040508Bride

***UPDATE***

Since I couldn't 'talk' to him about it, I decided to e-mail him this 25000000000000000 word email. I explained everything as best as I could and my reasons for wanted to use which account for what...and....IT WORKED!!! He was misunderstanding everything I was saying for some reason and just wasn't getting it, but once he read it and was THEN able to ask questions, he totally got it. I am so happy!!!! This is going to make our lives so much easier!!!!!

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YAY glad he is listening now. Dont blame him though he was doing it without realizing he was disappointing you. Sometimes when ppl are just talking about what should be done i can lose my concentration too so the email was a great idea bc it really sinks in what you are saying. The fact that hes will now is a huge step so youll get to where you want eventually.

that's great, that he finally understood what you were trying to do, and that it'll be a great thing for both of you! maybe for now on, anything he's not familar with, you'll need to email him. DH can be the same way, i can tell him something over and over again, and he's like , yet i put the exact same words in an email, and it become clear. now you can go on and enjoy your day!!!