Been a Rough Week - Need Advice.

Is this a new thing, like only happened recently? Because I think a lot of times people go through this when they're in the process of planning a wedding. It's extremely stressful and hard on even the closest of couples. My DH and I went through a lot of hard times before the wedding (both wedding and life related), and there were times when both of us said, 'if they do this, I'm leaving,' and really doubted our decision. That obviously never happened and the two of us are so in love right now, we've been married over a year and a half and I feel like I love him more now than I did when we just got engaged, and that was a huge emotional high for me.

I think because there is that stress of the planning mixed in with the fact that you are about to take a major life step it is normal to feel this way. You could just be suffering from burn out, I mean, it is biologically impossible to be extremely happy and excited all the time about something. At some point your body tires and says, I need to take a break from this.

So maybe you need to take a couple weeks off from wedding activities and spend some time with your FH. Just be you two, and not being stressed about anything. Go on a couple of dates alone, drink wine, hold hands, watch the Notebook, and have some good romantic sex, and then start the wedding process again when you feel more excited by it. If the excitement never truly returns (not necessarily about the planning because that's always got stress tied up with it, but about being married to your FH), maybe you need to think about something.

HTH and feel free to FM me any time.

i can really only add to everything that has already been said by other posters already.
if you truly feel you are not yourself with him, right there, it is a red flag.
you can love each other, but, do you really? i know this sounds mean, but i was once with someone for a very long time, 8 years. and my mother once told me, are you with him because you love him, really are in love with him? or because you are used to him being around and a part of your life for so long that you are scared of what it would be like to not have him around.
we ended up breaking up, but it was hard. being with someone for so long, and then one day its all gone.
I realized, i was just used to him and not really in love anymore. i would tell you to think about what you really feel with him. and i would definately talk to him to see what his take on things is. Could be that he feels the same way and is just supressing those feelings as well.

engagements and wedding can be fun but they only last for such a short period of time. the marriage itself, if its right, will last for decades to come, till death do you part. do you really want to spend it with the wrong person? its worth seperating now without complications than further down the road with children in tow.

if he is not 'the one' for you, let yourselves go, so you can both find 'the one' for yourselves.

Good Luck, and please let us know what you decide to do. I will keep you both in my prayers.

I was in an 8 year relationship that had many of the qualities you mentioned. The thing that stuck out in your post was that you can't fully be yourself...you can not live like that. I did it for a really long time and I didn't really understand how damaging it was until I was out of the relationship. Take time to think about things and ask yourself if you are willing and able to deal with these things or without the 'something' you feel is missing.
Good luck

Just wanted to update you all.

I ended the relationship officially this week. I realized that there are issues present, which no matter how much love we have, will never be resolved because we have such different perspectives on the matters.

It's unfortunate...sad...painful. But I am sticking with my gut and opinion that it is much smarter to avoid going into a marriage with issues that could be detrimental to the relationship and ultimately lead to divorce. No one benefits from that.

Thanks again for all of your support and advice.

Good luck with all of your weddings! I will be checking in to see progress. :)

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Posted by JeanetteandMatt

Sorry to hear about your situation. It is possible for people to love each other, but something just isn't right. You really need to evaluate your situation and think about your feelings. How long have you felt this way? If it has just been a couple weeks then maybe you're in a funk and it will pass...the whole wedding process is stressful.
Can you really see yourself with this person for the rest of your life and have a family with him? It's just the two of you now and once you have kids it'll just add stress...so I've been told... no kids myself, so I can't speak from experience.
I also think you should talk to a therapist about this. Sometimes therapists are even covered through insurance. Although the LI Wedding girls are great, you should really talk to a professional.
Not trying to sway you one way or another, but this happened to one of my very close friends. I'll keep the story short...
She dated a guy since HS and were together for 9 years or so, they got engaged and were to be married in October. In JUNE (5 months before the wedding) she called it off. She just couldn't imagine being with him forever. Now fast forward 3 or 4 years....she got married this past May to a great guy and she knows this time its right.
BTY...she was also very close to his family, which you mentioned in the post about yourself but you have to remember that it's about you and him, not the family.
If you need any advice send me a FM.

Good luck to you!

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all of this..so right. I would have done the same thing had my bf of 5 1/2 years given me a ring liek I wanted because I thought it was what I wanted, and the next logical step in our relationship. Looking back I stayed with him for the last 2 years because I was so in love with his family, not him. At family functions I felt he was my friend, not my bf. We finally broke up and a weight was lifted. Now I will marry the man that showed me what the true meaning of love is. You do what you feel in your heart, not what you feel obligated to do. Best of Luck xoxo

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Posted by SadConfused

Just wanted to update you all.

I ended the relationship officially this week. I realized that there are issues present, which no matter how much love we have, will never be resolved because we have such different perspectives on the matters.

It's unfortunate...sad...painful. But I am sticking with my gut and opinion that it is much smarter to avoid going into a marriage with issues that could be detrimental to the relationship and ultimately lead to divorce. No one benefits from that.

Thanks again for all of your support and advice.

Good luck with all of your weddings! I will be checking in to see progress. :)

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Thanks for the update!!!
I'm glad you're at peace with your decision.
Good luck with everything :)

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Posted by SadConfused

Just wanted to update you all.

I ended the relationship officially this week. I realized that there are issues present, which no matter how much love we have, will never be resolved because we have such different perspectives on the matters.

It's unfortunate...sad...painful. But I am sticking with my gut and opinion that it is much smarter to avoid going into a marriage with issues that could be detrimental to the relationship and ultimately lead to divorce. No one benefits from that.

Thanks again for all of your support and advice.

Good luck with all of your weddings! I will be checking in to see progress. :)

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fyi ladies - there has been an update on the situation. lets no longer give advice, but be there for this poster

thinking of you through this difficult time! remember wedding or not LIW girls are here for you!

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Posted by J79

fyi ladies - there has been an update on the situation. lets no longer give advice, but be there for this poster

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Thanks :)

And thank you for the FMs I've received. I'm doing well...I think it was such a long time coming and I took a good deal of time coming to terms with the reality of the situation. Because of that, I am as sure as I could have been to make the decision and feel better than I could expect.