being 'untraditional'

I am starting to feel like a party pooper!

If this is the first post of mine you have read I will start off by telling you that Ihad no intention to get married in any traditional way. I just wanted to elope and have a party. Having said that, I am going through with a wedding and reception because my FH has been looking forward to it.

Now, back to topic.

I don't want to do:
something old
something new
something borrowed
something blue

I didn't want to have a garter toss, but I have been brow beaten and told I am a prude and I must

I want to walk down the aisle to 'brick house' by the commordores............because dammit if I have to do this I want to make it light and add my funky style to it

I want our first dance to be a song with male and female vocals ( I didn't even win this battle ) can you freaking believe it?

My mom is walking me down the aisle because my dad is and has been nonexistent - to which FMIL askes if there is a man who can give me away because my mom isn't traditional or appropriate. She can suck it

We aren't getting limos to chauffeur people around in because we are having our ceremony and reception at the same place. For all of the people expecting limos I suggest they hire one for themselves.

I don't want a rose bouqet, nor do I want a white/ivory one. I don't care if it's TRADITION ( for FMIL)

and good lord please help me understand why, if I am compromising so much, I can't have a few things my way to make me more comfortable with all of this stuff?

does anyone out there understand what I am going through?

:: bangs head ::

I am sorry for your situation!!! It's funny though it seems as if a lot fo the guys want the big wedding. I wanted a destination wedding but FH refused saying people wouldn't come. Well that is kind of the point to just have family and very good friends there but whatever I lost that battle.

But I agree I didn't want to do the garter toss either but my whole bridal party wants it so I guess I have to have it

And I am having a black magic roses bok (which are a very deep red) I hate flowers so I need to get something I LIKE DAMNIT haha!!!!

And I am giving up having candles as centerpieces and adding flowers in it as well because FH wants it.

It's really HIS wedding

But good luck and just tell people that this is your wedding and you are happy with the decisions you made and thank you for your input but when you offer to pay for my wedding that is when I will take your advice!!

---

Posted by MrsK2008

I am starting to feel like a party pooper!

If this is the first post of mine you have read I will start off by telling you that Ihad no intention to get married in any traditional way. I just wanted to elope and have a party. Having said that, I am going through with a wedding and reception because my FH has been looking forward to it.

Now, back to topic.

I don't want to do:
something old
something new
something borrowed
something blue

I didn't want to have a garter toss, but I have been brow beaten and told I am a prude and I must

I want to walk down the aisle to 'brick house' by the commordores............because dammit if I have to do this I want to make it light and add my funky style to it

I want our first dance to be a song with male and female vocals ( I didn't even win this battle ) can you freaking believe it?

My mom is walking me down the aisle because my dad is and has been nonexistent - to which FMIL askes if there is a man who can give me away because my mom isn't traditional or appropriate. She can suck it

We aren't getting limos to chauffeur people around in because we are having our ceremony and reception at the same place. For all of the people expecting limos I suggest they hire one for themselves.

I don't want a rose bouqet, nor do I want a white/ivory one. I don't care if it's TRADITION ( for FMIL)

and good lord please help me understand why, if I am compromising so much, I can't have a few things my way to make me more comfortable with all of this stuff?

does anyone out there understand what I am going through?

:: bangs head ::

---

i think you should walk down the aisle to whatever you want - its YOUR wedding day, you'll remember it for the rest of your life - if its important to you who cares what everyone else says...

i might not do the garter/bok toss either - i feel like its another unnecessary interruption during the party - we are going to decide during the party and we'll let our DJ know if we change our mind and would like to do it

rose boks/ivory boks - you dont have to have one of those either!!! to be honest i really dont even want a bok i think ANY bok is traditional no matter what kind of flowers it is....screw them!

i love that your Mom is walking you down the aisle....i think its perfect and your Mom will be so honored.....F your FMIL

our first dance is a Justin Timberlake/Beyonce song! take that for untraditional

i think these types of things are what personalizes your wedding day.....is your FMIL married? if so, tell her she already had her wedding....this wedding is your and your FH's wedding not HERS and its what YOU TWO want

people s-u-c-k

If you guys are paying for this yourselves -- then i would tell everyone that their opinions should be kept to themselves

And you should be doing what you want 100% regardless if its 'traditional' - its you and your FH day and it should be exactly what you want and dont let anyone make you compromise.

Tell them if they dont like - then dont come

I went through he same thing I wanted a very small, destination wedding and he wanted the traditional thing.

I'm not doing the garter toss, that is one thing we both agreed on.

I'm sorry your going through this, there is nothing harder then having to deal with FMIL's that are strongly opinionated.

i'm so sorry you have to put up with this. you need to tell FMIL this is your wedding, and you'd like to do it your way, as long as FH is OK with it too!

we're not doing the bo-k toss/garter toss - i just don't like them. i'm walking down the aisle to Plainsong by the Cure, def not your typical song. my bo-k is going to be all black calla lillies, and it's a beautiful bo-k. it stands out so much more than ivory or white roses. and we're not doing the whole something old/blue/borrowed/new. i'm just too lazy to find all that stuff

it is your and FH's wedding, since you didn't want the big wedding, i'm sure you can find a common ground as to what works best for both of you.

---

Posted by Cindyrella

If you guys are paying for this yourselves -- then i would tell everyone that their opinions should be kept to themselves

And you should be doing what you want 100% regardless if its 'traditional' - its you and your FH day and it should be exactly what you want and dont let anyone make you compromise.

Tell them if they dont like - then dont come

---

well said!

---

Posted by cbcf

I am sorry for your situation!!! It's funny though it seems as if a lot fo the guys want the big wedding. I wanted a destination wedding but FH refused saying people wouldn't come. Well that is kind of the point to just have family and very good friends there but whatever I lost that battle.

But I agree I didn't want to do the garter toss either but my whole bridal party wants it so I guess I have to have it

And I am having a black magic roses bok (which are a very deep red) I hate flowers so I need to get something I LIKE DAMNIT haha!!!!

And I am giving up having candles as centerpieces and adding flowers in it as well because FH wants it.

It's really HIS wedding

But good luck and just tell people that this is your wedding and you are happy with the decisions you made and thank you for your input but when you offer to pay for my wedding that is when I will take your advice!!

---

Thank you, sincerely, for reading this little bloggity blog of mine and helping me to fell less insane for wanting something different.

honestly a wedding is a union that is it. The 'traditions' are just the cosmetic of the union. People get hung up on that and think the whole ceremony/party is a show of what the union is and how long it will last.

i have friend who got married in a backyard at a BBQ and had friends play funk/metal songs and had people go in and out of the party the whole day and they are still married 10 years later. So the party aspect really plays no role in the marriage.

Do what you want and toss aside what you find as silly and not you.

I found there were many things I didn't want when doing this whole wedding planning thing. FH wanted a 'real' traditional wedding because he had nothing traditional all his life. So i went nuts with it but made it our own - to show people who we are and what we hold true to ourselves. Some of it is traditional and symbolic for us but the aspects that we fully put in that original are ours alone.

So find what maks you both happy - if he wants some tradition give it to him but he needs to give you the freedom to make you yours as well.

---

Posted by Cindyrella

If you guys are paying for this yourselves -- then i would tell everyone that their opinions should be kept to themselves

And you should be doing what you want 100% regardless if its 'traditional' - its you and your FH day and it should be exactly what you want and dont let anyone make you compromise.

Tell them if they dont like - then dont come

---

Actually my mom, blessher heart, is paying for our reception. She hasn't offered up one piece of input into what we choose to do. She loves my FH so much she can't wait for us to be married.

FMIL is paying for flowers and RD. She is the the one who wanted this wedding. She is livid that I am agnostic and refused pre cana. Her son, my FH is a high holiday church goer and I refused to have a church wedding which is why all this hubbub got started in the 1st place.

I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to have your wedding be 'untraditional'- it is supposed to be about you and your FH... but that being said, if there are small ways that you can make your FMIL happy by adding her touches to the wedding than thats a good thing to do and will help you guys build a good relationship- marriage is more than just the two people- its really the two families coming together also, so if you can include her in little things that wont bother you, that may go a long way.

good luck!

---

Posted by cbcf

I am sorry for your situation!!! It's funny though it seems as if a lot fo the guys want the big wedding. I wanted a destination wedding but FH refused saying people wouldn't come. Well that is kind of the point to just have family and very good friends there but whatever I lost that battle.

But I agree I didn't want to do the garter toss either but my whole bridal party wants it so I guess I have to have it

And I am having a black magic roses bok (which are a very deep red) I hate flowers so I need to get something I LIKE DAMNIT haha!!!!

And I am giving up having candles as centerpieces and adding flowers in it as well because FH wants it.

It's really HIS wedding

But good luck and just tell people that this is your wedding and you are happy with the decisions you made and thank you for your input but when you offer to pay for my wedding that is when I will take your advice!!

---

I cannot tell you how true this is, YOU KNOW! I love my FH so much that I couldn't say no. But there comes a point where I feel like I am losing myself in all of this chaos.

Thank you for reading!

My BoK is going to be burgandy calla lillies with a hint of chartreuse orchids....yay

---

Posted by MrsK2008

---

Posted by cbcf

I am sorry for your situation!!! It's funny though it seems as if a lot fo the guys want the big wedding. I wanted a destination wedding but FH refused saying people wouldn't come. Well that is kind of the point to just have family and very good friends there but whatever I lost that battle.

But I agree I didn't want to do the garter toss either but my whole bridal party wants it so I guess I have to have it

And I am having a black magic roses bok (which are a very deep red) I hate flowers so I need to get something I LIKE DAMNIT haha!!!!

And I am giving up having candles as centerpieces and adding flowers in it as well because FH wants it.

It's really HIS wedding

But good luck and just tell people that this is your wedding and you are happy with the decisions you made and thank you for your input but when you offer to pay for my wedding that is when I will take your advice!!

---

Thank you, sincerely, for reading this little bloggity blog of mine and helping me to fell less insane for wanting something different.

---

Your welcome!!! Remember this is your day as well as FH's day. And it is not about the tradition and the whole party of it all it is about the ceremony and you marrying the man of your dreams and proclaiming your love for each other. Screw tradition if you dont want it. You do what you want!!!!

---

Posted by nifheim

honestly a wedding is a union that is it. The 'traditions' are just the cosmetic of the union. People get hung up on that and think the whole ceremony/party is a show of what the union is and how long it will last.

i have friend who got married in a backyard at a BBQ and had friends play funk/metal songs and had people go in and out of the party the whole day and they are still married 10 years later. So the party aspect really plays no role in the marriage.

Do what you want and toss aside what you find as silly and not you.

I found there were many things I didn't want when doing this whole wedding planning thing. FH wanted a 'real' traditional wedding because he had nothing traditional all his life. So i went nuts with it but made it our own - to show people who we are and what we hold true to ourselves. Some of it is traditional and symbolic for us but the aspects that we fully put in that original are ours alone.

So find what maks you both happy - if he wants some tradition give it to him but he needs to give you the freedom to make you yours as well.

---

You are so right in everything you say. For the life of me I don't understand my FH thought process sometimes so that right there is a abrrier. I am sure you understand what I mean.

For Instance, I wanted to do a charity favor and he said no, he wanted to give our guests something. You know something besides food, entertainment and something to talk about. After many struggles and arguments over favors our guests are getting hershey kisses! HA

I feel lost in compromise. I feel like I have given up little pieces of me for this that I wouldn't have done unless he asked me to.

---

Posted by futuremrsfab

I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to have your wedding be 'untraditional'- it is supposed to be about you and your FH... but that being said, if there are small ways that you can make your FMIL happy by adding her touches to the wedding than thats a good thing to do and will help you guys build a good relationship- marriage is more than just the two people- its really the two families coming together also, so if you can include her in little things that wont bother you, that may go a long way.

good luck!

---

I give the owman and inch and she takes a figurative mile.
After 4 years and an argment that peeled paint from the walls she finally gave me a hug..........a bend from the waist toch your shoulders only hug, but the first time she has touched me in 4 years. lol

have your wedding YOUR WAY.

seriously...people need to repsect your wants and decisions with the wedding.

take everything they say with a smile and say 'we're thinking about it' and do it your way!!


you want to look back and know that you had a wedding that was just your style and reflected you and FH....not FMIL, or your mom or whoever.

good luck!!!