Hi girls! I just need to make sure I'm not wrong in how I'm feeling. FH was engaged before and he wants to invite his ex fiance to the wedding. I get that they're friends, but she has nothing to do with his life anymore and they haven't seen each other in years. I've never even met her. Am I wrong in not wanting to invite her, and in feeling that anyone who has slept with the bride or groom should not be at their wedding? He's really mad and saying that I'm trying to 'control his guest list', but it's how I feel and I'd hope that he'd respect that. I'm still very close friends with one of my ex's but he's not on my guest list! Advice please!
Soon2BeMrsMango
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
100% no way no how. There is no way I'd let that slide. No ex's should be at a wedding. You're starting you future together, his past shouldn't be there! Stand your ground with that one! He is not taking your feelings into consideration
msktomrsc
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
Like we have time to finalize our guest lists but she told someone that I know that she's coming to the wedding and that's how I found out. I called him about it since I'm at work and he was like of course she's coming. Um, what? He hasn't even given me his list yet!
RoandJoe
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
Get out of here. My FH wants to invite an ex girlfriend who ruined my life when we first started dating. She was with him when they were 18! OVER TEN YEARS AGO!! It's not happening and he has to deal with it.
chinadoll11550
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
I understand why you feel the way you do, every female on this website can understand that.
I will however say that maybe he wants her there to show her that he was better off without her. That your an upgrade compared to her.
The only way this can truely be settled though is if you both sit down and talk about it.
msktomrsc
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
He said she's his 'friend'. Ok, I get that and that's wonderful. I've never met this 'friend', I have no idea who she is. All that I know is that she's his ex fiance. I'm probably jumping to saying no too soon but I really need him to be supportive of how I feel. We may not agree but I'll hear him out if he hears me out. I really don't think he will, though.
Alyssa M
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
There is absolutely no way I would let this slide. So sorry you're going through this. The bottom line is that this is your day together, possibly the most important day of your lives, and there shouldn't be anyone there that will you make you feel uncomfortable. This is supposed to be the happiest time in your lives, enjoy it! Talk to him, approach the situation calmy (I only say that bc I need to remind myself of that sometimes!) and explain that you want this to be about friends, family, and your new life together, and you don't feel comfortable with her being there
msktomrsc
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
I keep trying to get that across. We're also limiting our guest list since my parents are paying for the reception. They are comfortable at 150 so I'm inviting 80 of just family and people from work, no friends besides the bridal party. I told him to make his list about the same that way we have room for some no's, and everyone else can go on the b list in case we cant meet the 150. He's just being so unreasonable with some things. He slept with girls who he never dated but he's still friends with, I said not really my problem, I still don't want them there.
Soon2BeMrsMango
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
There is no way I would have anyone either FH or I had slept with/dated at our wedding. You guys need to talk this one out.
msktomrsc
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
He keeps saying I'm trying to 'change' him. I'm not! I'm not telling you who you can and can't be friends with, what to wear, what to drink. Be friends with whoever you want, I'm fine with that. I'm asking you to keep my feelings in mind when making your list. I'm not trying to change him, am I?
teacher88
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
I would not let that fly what so ever!!!!!!!
your not trying to change him!! you just don't want his past there on your day!!
and since your parents are paying for the reception i would tell him if he wants these girls hes slept with there, they cannot count towards the 150 and he pays for them...
I'm super sorry your going through this and you have all of our support!!! I'd put your foot down and not let this slide- you will regret it and you don't want this issue to be present in your marriage!
I do pull things to the extreme so for me i'd probably threaten to call off the wedding- not saying you should do that at all, but i would probably end up that way! lol but there is no way you can let this slide!!!!
Stand your ground! :)
MrsDtoBe
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
I definitely don't think that's necessary. I had an ex that FH and I are both friends with now, we still hang out every now and then because we are in the same group of friends and FH knows that there is nothing between us anymore. He told me that he felt uncomfortable inviting him and I respected that and took him off the list. I wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable at our wedding, and I think your FH should feel the same way.
Plus, how important can this woman really be to him if you're engaged and you've still never met her?
Diorprincess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Beyond frusterated!
you are totally not wrong in feeling that way. I can't even imagine if FH wanted to do something like that.
actually one of his ex's will be coming but they dated at like 15, never slept together and she's now married to his best friend lol. when he told me she was one of his ex's I thought he was just joking at first. I just can't even imagine them ever dating. I think that's the only time an exception with an ex should be made. definitely not for someone he almost married coming to his wedding! and if you've never even met her that's even weirder.
tell him you aren't trying to control him but it's your wedding day and no ex's allowed. and tell him how uncomfortable you'd feel with her there.
Diorprincess
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
also I'd throw in it's sort of selfish he doesn't care how you feel on your own wedding day.
Soon2BeMrsPy
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
Wow! I am so sorry you are dealing with this but this would be a big NO NO for me. If they were such great friends why haven't you two met? That could be your argument that they barely see each other and it makes you uncomfortable and it isn't necessary.
brads girl
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
If I were you I would put your foot down and in no way shape or form allow him to invite his ex. She has no right being there. It's your day!
katielynn
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
My FH ex-fiance will not be invited... but he's also not friends with her in any way.
TWO of my FH's exes will be there... one is a lesbian now... so... it doesnt really count. The other they dated at this point like 8 years ago and now she's dating one of the GM.
I think the main issue is that he's not hearing your point on the issue. He needs to respect the fact that it makes you uncomfortable and that you really don't like the idea of her being in attendance at the wedding.
The fact that he is blowing it way out of proportion saying that you're trying to change him just because you don't want his ex-fiance there.
Also... if he's such great friends with her... why have you not met her? I've met both of FH's exes that will be at the wedding within a few weeks-months of us dating.
ETA: Also.. one of my ex boyfriends will ALSO be at the wedding. He's a really good friend and still my mechanic. We were together in HS though.
MsErikaLynn
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
wow I could never let that slide! no way! doesn't matter who is paying, it's a matter of respect. and true he could want to show her how much better his life is without her but that would be suspicious for me as to why he would care. sorry you're going through this but however you feel, you need to express it because on the day of your wedding if you didn't want her there, you are going to be upset seeing her probably. just not what you want to think of on the day of :(
Simonenarissa
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
I don't think worrying about her is a good way to start off your new life.. She shouldn't be invited!
Teampuppy
Posted:
Member since
Beyond frusterated!
I agree with everyone else she shouldn't be there and he should take your feelings and 'your' special day together with family and friends into consideration. Who's to say she doesn't have feelings for him that no one knows about and she will get jealous. And why haven't you met her yet? If he is still persistent I would tell him fine she could come but I'm inviting my ex and see how he likes it.
