Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

MrsMikeyT Posted: Jan 04, 2011 02:13 PM

Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

We're meeting with my church tonight, and if all goes well we will OFFICIALLY have our date set!!!

I'm nervous b/c it's a new pastor and he's on the stricter side... but I don't know what exactly that means?!

My FH and I live together already - my MOH and her now-husband lied and said she still lived with her parents when they went last year.

What do I do?? Can he not allow us to get married because we're living in sin? If so and we lie to avoid it, wouldn't that be worse?!??

We're Catholic, so any advice on what to expect will be greattteellyy appreciated!!

Moonmist09 Posted: Jan 04, 2011 02:15 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

they won't not let you get married if you tell them that you are living together. trust me, they can't say anything to you about that although, the priest might be an idiot and make some off color remark about it, but if he does, what can you do.
if you are that worried about it, say you still live with your parents. they aren't going to get into that many specifics with you tonight, only the basics and what they will require to get married in that church.
good luck!

Thats-What-She-Said Posted: Jan 04, 2011 02:46 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

Your living situation is really nobody's business but your own. This includes the church. My pre-cana instructors even told us that the church realizes that couples live together now and it isn't like the 1950s anymore.

spdy540 Posted: Jan 04, 2011 03:56 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

just be honest they understand that couples live together. FH and I are getting married in a catholic church not only do we live together but Im catholic and FH is jewish. You will be fine

VCanizalez Posted: Jan 04, 2011 03:57 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

It is ok chica....
FH n I dont live together but when we took precana, father said in this time, couple DO live together... and they cannot cancel a wedding for that!
So just TELL THEM U DO LIVE TOGEHTER!
NOTHIGN WRONG WITH IT!

FutureMrsPanuch Posted: Jan 04, 2011 04:07 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

FH and I are not getting married in a church, but 2 of our Best Friends got married in a Roman Catholic Church and they could not tell the priest they were living together... If they did they could not get married there... I guess it all depends on the person who is marrying you,

IMO go and feel the priest out... if you are afraid he is strict, i would just say you still live with your parents.. i would rather not take any chances... that is JMO though

CristinD83 Posted: Jan 04, 2011 04:08 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

My priest is super strict too, I actually told him I felt like I was in the principal's office bc he was so intimidating. He had something to say when we said we lived together of course (its up to you if you wanna lie - I kind have wish I did but was scared to lie to the priest lol) But it really wasn't a big deal, esp bc they know that's what ppl do now; he told us that we need to go to confession before we get married bc that's a sin and that we need to pray together and go to church every Sunday. Suureee lol

He'll stress the fact that if he smells alcohol or thinks any one was drinking he will call off the wedding so just assure him that of course there won't be a problem at all. This jist of it was basically he'll ask you some questions like if you were baptized, communion, confirmation etc; if you or your fiancee could be related in any way (I had to chuckle at that) and if you have any medical condition to prevent you from bearing children.

Don't be nervous he's not going to not marry you guys! Let us know how it goes!!

IrishLilly Posted: Jan 04, 2011 04:09 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

MrsMikey, I am meeting with the church tonight too!!! Wishing you luck, and I hope you can get the date you want. I cant wait to find out my date too!!! Then I can at least move forward with the planning.
I was thinking about the same thing Re: do tell about living together or not. I think we are just going to be honest. I mean what the heck, it's the truth, I cant lie to a priest! lol And like some of the girls said, it's not like they CANT marry you. It is 2011 after all. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable and good luck!

SoonToBeMrsCali Posted: Jan 04, 2011 04:15 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

I would say be honest... I had the same issue and my brother advised me to just be honest, pray about it... etc. If you really want to get married in the church, they will know by your commitment to being involved...etc... We started going a lot more after our first meeting with our pastor and it has proven to be so much more special.

MrsMikeyT Posted: Jan 04, 2011 04:38 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

Thanks ladies... I will definitely let you know how it goes.

Still undecided but I think we're probably going to say I live with his sister... I'm over there all the time anyway so it makes me feel slightly less evil.

I wouldn't be this worried if it were the priest I grew up with. He is awesome and I'm actually going to see if he'll come back to marry us, but until then I think I'll take the extra Hail Mary's I'll get at Confession over what happened to FurureMrsP's friends happening to us.
It stinks that some churches make it so hard sometimes... so many people today aren't even interested in their religion... it means a lot to me, and it really is a moral dlemma!
I know the truth is the right thing but I just can't imagine how distraught I'd be if they turned us away...

I don't know... good luck to you, too IrishLily!

I'd better whip out my Rosary for the drive in to Queens later....

for us!

Jsquared Posted: Jan 04, 2011 05:04 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

Im getting married at one of the strictest RCC out there LOL.
You are ALLOWED to live together!!!
You just may have to do an extra class/ test section on Focuss or pre cana.. its no biggie. No need to lie..

IrishLilly Posted: Jan 04, 2011 10:06 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

How did it go?!!!

Our meeting went great. Im delighted! We were able to get Sep 4th 2011 !!!!

Hope you were happy with you meeting!

Colcas2011 Posted: Jan 04, 2011 10:38 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

it totally depends on the parish!! we are like the worst catholics ever- we live together- we both have kids from different relationships- he was divorced haha. we have so much extra paperwork to fill out!!! but they didnt give us a hard time at all!!

MrsMikeyT Posted: Jan 05, 2011 10:33 AM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

Posted by IrishLilly

How did it go?!!!

Our meeting went great. Im delighted! We were able to get Sep 4th 2011 !!!!

Hope you were happy with you meeting!

Yay!! Congrats! Doesn't it keep feeling wierder every time something is 'real'?? I was driving home after and realized I'm going to have a different name 10 months from now... crazy!!

Our meeting went well too - we were able to skirt around the living together issue b/c he didn't flat-out ask us if we live together... although we were scolded for not going to Mass every Sunday (expected that one!)

So CHHHEEECCCKKK one off the list!

I have to say - there was one point where the priest asked my FH to describe his feelings for me. As he was talking I realized I've never actually heard him talk like that to someone else.. it was actually a powerful moment - as nice as the wedding day itself is going to be nice, in the big picture it's just one day, and I get to spend all of my days with this man, who says I'm everything he'd been waiting for his whole life, as my family.

I had tears pouring down my face by the time he finished!

I feel like any time I get stressed out over the next 10 months, I can revisit that moment and remember that that feeling is what it's all about.

Corny, I know, but not as corny as when I noticed I'm no longer a Newbie but now a Board Enthusiast... everything's getting so real!!!

Here's to all us lucky ladies and the men of our dreans who make us feel that way!!

DCgirl82 Posted: Jan 05, 2011 10:42 AM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

Your living situation has nothing to do with your marriage and it is not their business where you live and who you live with. I dont think they can refuse to marry you because of that ya know? Don't worry everything will be ok!

leesah85 Posted: Jan 05, 2011 01:58 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

Posted by Reinhart2be

Your living situation is really nobody's business but your own. This includes the church. My pre-cana instructors even told us that the church realizes that couples live together now and it isn't like the 1950s anymore.

same here

IrishLilly Posted: Jan 05, 2011 08:40 PM

Re: Big HUGE Meeting Tonight - NEED ADVICE!

Aww that is so nice! Im happy it was such a nice experience for you.

Now, Im freaking out. Of course I picked a date that s nearly impossible to find at at hall. Im doing Sep 4th The Sunday night before Labor day. I've called over 15 places today, and nothing is avail!

If Anyone knows of place avail Sep 4th 2011 Let me know!!! Until then, the search continues...