BIL and FH problem

My fh and brother have had bad feelings between each other for about 3 years. The events are long and complicated so I will not bore you with them here. My fh does not want to invite his brother, my fBIL to the wedding. The invitations are out and his still sits on the living room table. I have pleaded to have him invite him just to make it more comfortable for me at future family events with my BIL and his wife, my FSIL. I am very uncomfortable. My fh says everyone knows it is not about you, they will know it was my choice not to invite him. I still feel this is my wedding and they will think I am a royal B%&**ch. How would you deal with this at future events if he really does not invite them??? The wedding is Dec. 7th and it is already October 24th. Thanks.

Re: BIL and FH problem

Without knowing the reason for the bad feelings, it's impossible to know if they are justified. Sometimes, things get so bad you have to cut family loose. A good friend of mine did not invite her father or any of her siblings to her wedding because the history was so bad.

However, in general, I'd agree with you. Take the high road, reach out and make the offer, as long as his brother isn't likely to create an embarrasing scene at the wedding. He may not even accept, but at least you'll both be beyond reproach if anyone asks why he's not there.

There's a lot of hard feelings between my husband and his father and he says once his grandmother passes on, he'll never speak to his father again, but he was included in the wedding because it was important to others in the family.

Re: BIL and FH problem

I have tried to explain that it is important to me and important to his mom to invite the brother and he still says no, he is so stubborn sometimes. It is very frustrating

Re: BIL and FH problem

This is a very difficult situation you are in. You can't invite the FBIL without your FH knowing. You would be creating a BIG fight between the two of you.
How does your FH's family feel about the situation?
If it is over something stupid, I would try to tell your FH that he can invite him for YOU and you can seat them a little distance away so there's not as much tension between them. If its over serious issues, then FH might have good reason. I understand how you feel and I think you are a good person because you don't want to alienate his brother. Good luck in a very difficult issue.

Re: BIL and FH problem

His mom is quite upset but it has been going on for 3 years and 'she doesn't want to get involved because they are adults' It gets me so mad when she says this. It is over some pretty nasty deep things so my fh has a point and I do understand why he is hurt. His brother is not right at all. You are right, if I mailed the invitation without fh knowing I would be betraying fh and that is the last thing I want. I am just going to have to live with it I guess. I hate it!!!

Re: BIL and FH problem

It really stinks. I understand that you want the family together but its really Fh's call. If he is totally against it no matter how you try to change his mind, then forget it. You tried your best. You and your FH have to talk everything through before either one makes any big decisions because thats what marriage is all about (being a team).
Don't feel bad because you did your best to keep the family together and it is not your fault he's not inlcuded. Its between the two brothers and hopefully one day they will put their bad feelings behind them before one of them regrets it.