Black Tie optional

I just received an invite to a wedding stating it's 'Black Tie optional'. I think this is the most pretentious thing ever!!! Are other people doing this? Maybe I'm alone with my thoughts. The party is for the bride & groom, who cares what other people are wearing. When do you make the call to set the party as a black tie affair.

Black Tie optional

I can't stand Black Tie Optional. For women, no problem. The dress is about the same. For guys, though, it is unfortunate. Who knows what they should wear?? I also received an invitation to a Black Tie Optional. My FI has no idea if he should rent a tux or not. Is optional really optional?? I think couples who insist on this type of dress are ridiculous and amazingly selfish.

Black Tie optional

I was just talking about this last night! I think it is an awful thing to do.

Black Tie optional - yes it`s Optional

Miss Manners would have a field day with this sort of thing.... Back when people knew how to properly dress for events it wasn`t necessary. If you received a formal invitation you knew that the dress was formal. Even worse is 'Creative Black Tie' which I saw a lot Arts and Fashion industries when I worked there. And actually, I don`t think it is the same dress for women - Black Tie might actually indicate that a long dress or ball gown is called for. These days know one knows what to do because the rules have all gone out the window - anything goes. What I think they are trying to say is that they want people to dress up for their event. They want an elegant affair. Hopefully, the guests would know this from the formality of the invitation, the time of the event and the locations, but if it`s an afternoon event then most would assume it`s not Black Tie (since what most people know as Black Tie - the traditional tuxedo - is only appropriate after 6:00 in the evening anyway) and you`ll see people show up in just about anything these days anyway - usually less formal than is appropriate for the occasion. For Black Tie Optional, I`d say don`t bother renting a tux - most people won`t. If you have one, and it`s evening, and you want to be elegant, then give into the wishes of the bride and groom. Otherwise, perhaps dress up a little more than you might, to make it elegant - have Fi wear a dark suit and you can dress up a bit more formal and it will have the elegant effect they are hoping for.

Black Tie optional

This actually dates back to a time when there was a very prescribed mode of dress for social occasions. It was inconsiderate not to inform your guests of the proper attire for the occasion, as it would be embarrassing for them if they showed up in the wrong garb. Dress is much more informal for everything these days and this type of notation is no longer the norm but is still correct. I would suggest a dark suite and white dress shirt as a substitute for a tux if that is your preference.

Black Tie optional

People tend to dress down for everything these days and special occasions are are no longer assumed to be dressy. Lets face it, some people need to be told what to wear. I think its nice to show your excitement and respect for your friends/family and dress 'Black tie' if given the opportunity and not attend such a special event as if you are going to work. I could understand all the hoop-la over this issue if the invite said 'Black Tie Only'.

Black Tie optional

I think the problem is with the word Optional. If the couple wants Black Tie, then say Black Tie. No one wants to show up in the wrong attire. Would you like to be the only guy not wearing a tux or on the other side, the only guy wearing a tux? (Mistaken for the maitre'd.)

Black Tie optional

I hate 'Black Tie Optional'. In my opinion it's as if you are assuming that people will show up at your wedding in shorts, and so what if they did?? I invited people to celebrate with me, not to model in a formalwear fashion show.As long as no one's naked, I don't give a rat's behind what they wear. ; )

Black Tie optional

The term Black Tie Optional means it is OPTIONAL. It is a way to alert your guests that it is a formal affair. Guys are NOT required to wear tuxedos, but should be in a dark colored suit. It is NOT pretentious at all. If anything, it is extremely informative to the guest to let them know wht type of affair is being held, so they don;t feel uncomfortable if they are undersressed.

Black Tie optional

'It is NOT pretentious at all. If anything, it is extremely informative to the guest to let them know wht type of affair is being held, so they don;t feel uncomfortable if they are undersressed.' I respectfully disagree. The invitation sets the tone for the affair, and suggests the formality, as does to some extent, the location. Also, if someone can't afford a tux or a formal gown, should they decline the invitation in fear of being underdressed?        

I NEVER Would Have Guessed!

Never in a million years would I have thought that 'Black Tie Optional' would offend anyone or cause such a stir! My wedding was black tie optional. We struggled with the wording. As some on the board already pointed out, we wanted our guests to know that we planned an elegant affair and didn't want people to feel awkward if they were underdressed. However, we didn't want to force those who don't have tuxedos to spend money to rent or buy something. It worked out very well in our situation. Those who wanted to dress up did -- others wore suits and cocktail dresses and noone felt out of place. For whoever thinks that people know what to wear based on the formality of the invitation, time of day, and formality of reception location -- think again! I had an evening wedding with a VERY formal invitation (that said Black Tie Optional) at Oheka Castle and someone showed up in khakis with a button-down shirt and no jacket!

Black Tie optional

My cousin had her affair at the Carltun on a Sat night and people came in izod golf shirts and khakis. People are not as tuned into looking at the invite as you are, as a bride. You should not look at Black Tie Optional as insulting. It is more flexible than Black Tie. It means, this is a formal affair and proper atire is required. Meaning, at the very least, a jacket and tie in a dark color.

I NEVER Would Have Guessed!

Yeah but does it matter in the scheme of things what other people are wearing. I think we are losing the point of what the day is all about. I assume that 98% of guests would be wearing suits and dresses, who really cares about 1 or 2 people? Just an opinion, not meaning to offend anyone. Just wondered when you made the call to put 'Black Tie Optional' on your invitation.

There`s no right or wrong here, Live and Let Live *NM*

Formal Reception

We used the word formal reception on our cards. My bridemaids dresses are formal and the guys will be in tux's so I personally don't want someone in shorts at my wedding. We decided to use this wording to make sure our guests know that we would like them to look nice and not casual. I know some of my family and my Fi knows some of his family and we would not put it past some of them to show up in very casual and that's not what I want at my wedding. If someone does show up in shorts or jeans- at that point I wouldn't care b/c it's too late but I really don't see any harm in letting your guests know what you would prefer.

Karene - long answer to short question!

As soon as we booked our place, we started to think that we wanted a Black Tie affair because of the formal atmosphere, then we grappled with the wording for a while because we didn't want to force people to dress in a way they didn't want to. We thought about 'Black Tie Preferred' but that seems like we would be upset if guests didn't come in black tie. Then we thought about 'Black Tie Invited' which was my personal favorite. Some people are just waiting to haul the tux that they spent lots of $ on but never get to wear out of the closet -- this would let them know that they could. DIdn't go with that though because we already had the word 'invited' on the invitation -- yes, we were being a little neurotic. So we ultimately made the decision of 'Black Tie Optional' the day we were ordering the invitations. Even after all the gripes on this board, I'm still not regretting the decision. Many of my friends told me how excited they were to have the opportunity to get all dressed up and not worry that they would be 'overdressed.' I agree with Elizabeth that just like every other part of wedding planning, there's no right or wrong -- just personal preferences. :-)

Just my 2 cents-JennRenee

I agree with the concept that Black Tie Optional shouldn`t be insulting or upsetting, but I have to add a Hear Hear to JennRenee`s spirit. I just want the people I care about and love to be with me on that day, whatever they`re wearing. I`m sure if someone shows up at the Westbury Manor at 6:00 wearing khakis and an Izod shirt it might perturb me a little when I look at pictures later, but right now the excitement and enthusiasm is centered around the thought that in two months all of the people that love me and my fiance, the people that matter the most, will be in one big room wishing us well. That`s incredible to me. I hope we can all try to remember that and behold the spirit of what this day is all about.

Black Tie optional

Hey, if no one is as dressed up as the bride, groom and wedding party then I just think that would make the bride and groom look even better!!! Just my opinion... Good luck!

Karene - long answer to short question!

We had black tie optional on our reception invites in January. The guys who had tuxes loved to have a chance to wear them and get all decked out for the night. The guys who didn`t own one didn`t rent them. They just wore regular suits. Nobody was put off by the black tie optional. Of course, almost everyone there knew many of the other people, so dress wasn`t really a problem since there was so much communicating before hand. I don`t know the crowd involved, but most people wouldn`t be put off by the black tie optional part and I doubt they would rent a tux. Most guys just aren`t like that.

Not for nothing...

...but as I think back to my wedding 3 weeks ago, I honestly can't remember what anyone but the bridal party and the parents were wearing! LOL! I don't think I even noticed that night! In the end, keep in mind it's your day and you can do whatever makes you happy. My only word of advice is when you say Optional, make sure people don't feel obligated. A girl I know had Black tie Optional and one of the invitees called to clarify and the bride told her that it was optional, but she preferred everyone in tuxedos and that most of the guests would be in tuxes. This now made the invitee feel that her date absolutely had to spend money to rent and wear a tux, which is, in my opinion, wrong. Either it's optional or it's not! Other than that, your day, your call (keep that motto in mind!)