My mom and I want black tie, we're having it a very formal place, everything about the decor is formal, and we wanted just black tie, FH is really upset by it, he doesn't want ppl being forced to wear a tux...he thinks optional will give a 'hint' to ppl..I don't want to 'hint' to ppl, I want ppl coming dressed to the nines....all the invites we've gotten for most of my family's side has always been black tie, never optional...am I overreacting???
LadyPrincess
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Your Day - Your Way ....remember yr guests are also in yr wedding pics
I also wanted certain style of dress & put this on the invit so there will be no question or..oppps i THOUGHT i could wear so & so....
pickles16
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by LadyPrincess
Your Day - Your Way ....remember yr guests are also in yr wedding pics
I also wanted certain style of dress & put this on the invit so there will be no question or..oppps i THOUGHT i could wear so & so....
LP I know, but FH is sooooo stubborn on this, he let me do whatever I wanted with the invite, but he really didn't want just Black Tie, he has been forcing this point forever, I think he is scared for some of his parents friends, and dont' want them beign forced to rent or buy a tux....so wear a dark suit, but he doesn't look at it that way...
marc_rai
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by pickles16
Posted by LadyPrincess
Your Day - Your Way ....remember yr guests are also in yr wedding pics
I also wanted certain style of dress & put this on the invit so there will be no question or..oppps i THOUGHT i could wear so & so....
LP I know, but FH is sooooo stubborn on this, he let me do whatever I wanted with the invite, but he really didn't want just Black Tie, he has been forcing this point forever, I think he is scared for some of his parents friends, and dont' want them beign forced to rent or buy a tux....so wear a dark suit, but he doesn't look at it that way...
I want people to dress formal too. Doesn't have to be a tux, but I want people in suits. FH doesn't want us to come off snobbish and honestly I don't think anyone in our family have tuxes. Is there any other way that we can word it that conveys that it's formal, but maybe not a tux?
I feel your pain dress designer twin!
LadyPrincess
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
sorry u this issue
try to talk it out, most guys have SOME sort of dark dressy clothes that are for weddings. we know the ladies will !!
what abt: Semi-formal reception to follow at.....
that way they know to dress up...
jpavig
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Ok, can someone tell me exactly what Black Tie is? I'm not 100% sure.
pickles16
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
see, he thinks Black Tie Optional will give ppl the hint that they have to wear either a tux or a dark suit...I guess they willl..I just like to spell things out...like basically come dressed to the nines or you're going home..
BriBri529
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Black tie is evening gowns for ladies and tuxes/dark suits for men.
I am having a problem with this also. I am thinking of putting 'formal reception to follow' or 'formal attire' on the invitation so that people will know to dress formally, but know that they do not HAVE to wear a tux. I will be honest that when we received an invite that stated black tie, Fh felt funny- did not want the extra expense of renting a tux but did not want to be under-dressed. He wore a dark suit, but felt uncomfortable on the way . . . Once we got there not everyone was in a tux and we felt better.
I just don't like how Black tie optional sounds either . . .
marc_rai
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
I just bumped a thread I posted a while ago on this on the BHB board. Apparently, black tie just mean a dark suit for the men and nice dress for the ladies. Hmmn, I thought it meant Tuxes only and nice dresses for the ladies. So, if I don't know what it means, they probably won't. I'm going to say 'Formal Reception to Follow'. Do you think people might take that the wrong way? Like 'Duh' you said reception...
This is so hard. Pickles, is there a lag between your ceremony and reception?
marc_rai
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by BriBri529
Black tie is evening gowns for ladies and tuxes/dark suits for men.
I am having a problem with this also. I am thinking of putting 'formal reception to follow' or 'formal attire' on the invitation so that people will know to dress formally, but know that they do not HAVE to wear a tux. I will be honest that when we received an invite that stated black tie, Fh felt funny- did not want the extra expense of renting a tux but did not want to be under-dressed. He wore a dark suit, but felt uncomfortable on the way . . . Once we got there not everyone was in a tux and we felt better.
I just don't like how Black tie optional sounds either . . .
How will you word the 'formal attire' on the invite?
May05Bride
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by marc_rai
I just bumped a thread I posted a while ago on this on the BHB board. Apparently, black tie just mean a dark suit for the men and nice dress for the ladies. Hmmn, I thought it meant Tuxes only and nice dresses for the ladies. So, if I don't know what it means, they probably won't. I'm going to say 'Formal Reception to Follow'. Do you think people might take that the wrong way? Like 'Duh' you said reception...
This is so hard. Pickles, is there a lag between your ceremony and reception?
huh... I thought it meant tuxes only also!
jimmysgrl
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
I'm casting my vote for 'formal reception to follow.' I've been to a lot of Black Tie only and some people had a problem with it because it meant renting/buying a tux for the occasion which they said was an expensive affair anywhere. I'm definitely not saying your FH is right, but I think 'formal reception' pretty much says where tux/dark suit, the women will be the happy ones! I love black tie events!!!!!!!!!woohoo!
becks23
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by pickles16
My mom and I want black tie, we're having it a very formal place, everything about the decor is formal, and we wanted just black tie, FH is really upset by it, he doesn't want ppl being forced to wear a tux...he thinks optional will give a 'hint' to ppl..I don't want to 'hint' to ppl, I want ppl coming dressed to the nines....all the invites we've gotten for most of my family's side has always been black tie, never optional...am I overreacting???
How about Black Tie Preferred as a compromise? I think it's a stronger 'hint' than black tie optional.
snowprincess805
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
You can also do 'Black tie invited' so anyone who has a tux will wear one and anyone who doesn't will wear a dark suit
eogara
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by LadyPrincess
Your Day - Your Way ....remember yr guests are also in yr wedding pics
Sorry but I disagree with this since it's NOT just the bride's day. There's another person getting married that day and that's something I think we all need to remember.
I personally agree with your FH, pickles - I find Black Tie invitations rude. I think to attempt to mandate what someone should be wearing to your wedding is pushing it a bit. Are you really inviting people whose dress you're concerned about?
marc_rai
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by eogara
Posted by LadyPrincess
Your Day - Your Way ....remember yr guests are also in yr wedding pics
Sorry but I disagree with this since it's NOT just the bride's day. There's another person getting married that day and that's something I think we all need to remember.
I personally agree with your FH, pickles - I find Black Tie invitations rude. I think to attempt to mandate what someone should be wearing to your wedding is pushing it a bit. Are you really inviting people whose dress you're concerned about?
Eogara,
do you think 'formal reception to follow' is rude too? I'm just curious on how people might take that.
In the BHB thread, someone said that they get offended with the Black Tie Preferred.
FTRBRIDE
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
I say stop trying to please everybody, and do what makes YOU happy. If you write 'black tie optional', as Eogara pointed out, there will be some people who have a problem with that.
If you write nothing, you're risking people not even coming in suits (I know a lot of you are like 'no way that would happen', but I've seen it happen, and unless the bride and groom indicate that it is an informal wedding, I think it's rude).
If you write 'black tie optional', you'll have some women confused on how formal their dress should be, and (I can hear my mother now!) some people think black tie optional is half a$$ing it (not my words, just things I've been arguing about with my family),
SO- write, or don't write whatever is is that you want...but, kind of like BM dresses, you're never going to please everyone.
Good luck!
eogara
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
Posted by marc_rai Eogara,
do you think 'formal reception to follow' is rude too? I'm just curious on how people might take that.
In the BHB thread, someone said that they get offended with the Black Tie Preferred.
No, I think that's reasonable since it is a category of dress, not a specific garment (since Black Tie does indicate a preference for tuxes over suits even though both are appropriate). If you do have guests you're concerned about dressing appropriately, I think it's reasonable to put this. Or, if Black Tie is something you feel you need, Black Tie Optional is better than Black Tie period.
Sorry, I just feel really strongly about this.
prncssrachel
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
I think you should stick with one of three things: black tie, black tie optional or nothing on the invitation. Those are what people are 'used to' seeing and I don't think it's asking people to dress a certain way, just giving them the appropriate dressiness of the event. Personally, I was going to do black tie, but I decided not to because I don't really care in the end what anyone wears. If they don't know what to wear to my wedding and it doesn't bother them, it's not going to bother me.
mcaula
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Re: Black Tie or Black Tie Optional
I am definitely putting on my invites some type of reference to it being a formal affair because believe me in the past I have seen some of my family members come to a wedding dressed like they are going to a backyard barbecue and they have to know that is not the case with my wedding.
