we have grown apart a bit but still close, just dont hang much bc she is partying a lot and thats not the stage im at right now
anyway...shes always flakey, canceling last minute on plans, can never give a yes or no answer to things, etc...she made first dress appt no problem- she HAD to have a 290 dress
second dress appt, I decided to go look again bc I felt 290 was too much for anyone to spend, i invite all my girls 2 of them from out of town and decide to have a girly day and do lunch as well with all the girls planned this for like 3 weeks btw
day before she gives me a song and dance that shes tired and her back hurts bc she slipped on ice and says ill def make the dress appt but i wont go to lunch bc im broke
day of she texts me at 10 am saying shes sick as a dog and can't make it
i told her i was hurt and upset that she wouldn't make it
I started to feel like she wasn't into the whole BM thing and she has a lot of financial problems and was worried that she couldnt financially afford it- she has a poor paying job and a crappy car sucking money out of her and is just not good with money
i emailed her a long and very nice email telling her if she didnt have the money for the BM process Id understand, yada yada
she got nasty and said fine i wont be in your wedding
at first I was relieved and felt like i didnt have the burden of worrying about whether or not she would show up, get things on time, have money for dress etc
but now that all the girls put down their deposits and i need to call salon and tell them to put order in, Im starting to worry if I will regret not having her in the BP...and not having her there the morning I get ready at the hotel with, that she wont be in pics with me and all my girls
I honestly thought she would come around and say I really want to be in your wedding, Ill make it work
at the same time I dont want to be the fool begging for her to come back or have her disappoint me and then feel like 'see i told you so, you shouldnt have had her in it'
uggghhh I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry so long!!!
if you read that all i love you to pieces!
LoveyDovey
Posted:
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Re: BM advice needed
shortened version...
should i ask my BM/friend for 15 years, to be in my BP AGAIN, after she chose to step down from the BP due to financial reasons?
adelya21
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Re: BM advice needed
lol you are too cute with your shortened version. i read it. im facebooking you.
mtk1605
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Re: BM advice needed
You are too cute :) IMO I say go with your gut...it never fails....have you spoken to her since you guys had that discussion??? Does she seem at allinterested in your wedding?
mtk1605
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Re: BM advice needed
Ps I am glad to see I am not the only one who doesn't sleep...lol
POM917
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Re: BM advice needed
I don't think you should ask her to be in your BP again. It was her choice to step down, so it should be her choice to come back to you and reason with you. The bottom line is we're all having to watch our pockets to make sure we can afford things. And if she truly is your friend, she'll know whats right, and make things right. Good luck girlie!
msmariposa
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Re: BM advice needed
Hard decision and tough situation. I wouldn't ask her again. Her behavior shows a lack of maturity. This should be a happy time for you and the last thing you need is additional stress. You need to be surrounded by people who are going to make this less stressful for you.
anjelagain
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Re: BM advice needed
hell yeah suck it up and call her, also, why are you being so responsible for the dresses/?? Just tell them when to order by and thats it, why do you have to go with them? Ur driving yourself crazy. I gave my girls a style # and said there it is, go.
adelz
Posted:
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Re: BM advice needed
I honestly wouldn't ask her to be in it again - she chose to step down, even when you were really trying to reach out to her and make it easier on her. You don't need any added drama during this process - she will still be there on your day to share the wedding, but I'd just think about whether or not you want to possibly be in the same situation w/ her again.
jovigirl414
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Re: BM advice needed
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately, this is a time in a girls life where people really start to show their true colors. I say don't ask her to rejoin the bridal party, you will only be hurt if she says no. Yes, it is going to suck not having her there with you on your wedding day, but the girls that stick by you are going to make that day extra special for you. If she is a true friend, she will be there, front and center for you, even if she is not in the bridal party.
Best of luck to you!
MNM0805
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Re: BM advice needed
Posted by jovigirl414
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately, this is a time in a girls life where people really start to show their true colors. I say don't ask her to rejoin the bridal party, you will only be hurt if she says no. Yes, it is going to suck not having her there with you on your wedding day, but the girls that stick by you are going to make that day extra special for you. If she is a true friend, she will be there, front and center for you, even if she is not in the bridal party.
Best of luck to you!
This!
soontobmrsmike
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Re: BM advice needed
I know we talked about this once before and I know it is hard. I just think if she is being that way now maybe she didn't want to be a part of it from the beginning. Your to good of a person to beg someone to be your friend! I just say let it be! I know its hard but I have similiar issues myself that we talked about and I know it hurts but its not fair to you either!!
Hang in there!!
gmo4462
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Re: BM advice needed
I would call her and ask to meet up one night and talk about it. At least then you would know that you tried and you wouldn't worry later on wondering 'what if' ....Hope it all works out!
MrsMikeyT
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Re: BM advice needed
Sorry you're going through this
Are you on speaking terms with her at all? I'd say maybe write another email and let her know that you're sorry she chose not to be in the BP, but that she's welcome to change her mind before the day you have to give the salon your final count. That way the choice is hers but if you don't hear from her by that day you'll know she wasn't interested..?
Hope it works out for you!
kfizz
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Re: BM advice needed
ugh...i hate BM drama..there is always one person in the group like this I feel. Maybe you should give her a call and explain to her the reason you sent her the email...you feel it may be too much for her. Tell her that you didnt mean it as a way to demote her from being a BM but as a way out if she feels it will be to much money, time, and effort. Tell her how you meant it ..get it off your chest so you do not feel guilty. If she still says she does not want to do it then there is your answer...or maybe she will reconsider bc she now understands better what you meant.
evita2781
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Re: BM advice needed
Have you guys spoken since she stepped down from being a BM? If not, I would try to meet up with her and talk about it. It was perhaps one of those where she didn't think before she responded and now might just waiting for you to say something. Just be prepared for her to say no again just in case. Sorry you're going through this
Lindsay14
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Re: BM advice needed
I agree...definitely go with your gut! My MOH is always telling me that you really learn who your friends are when you are planning your wedding. People get either fake, annoyed, jealous whatever. Your in a tough situation but take some time to reflect on it and go with your gut feeling.
SoonToBeMrsCali
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Re: BM advice needed
Posted by evita2781
Have you guys spoken since she stepped down from being a BM? If not, I would try to meet up with her and talk about it. It was perhaps one of those where she didn't think before she responded and now might just waiting for you to say something. Just be prepared for her to say no again just in case. Sorry you're going through this
This exactly...
Good luck!!
CantWait2Wed
Posted:
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Re: BM advice needed
Just talk to her, and tell her exactly what you wrote about the morning of and the pics. My oldest friend isn't going to be in the wedding because she had to back out (new baby) and then when she wanted back in it was too late- shower planned, dresses picked out etc and I HATE that she won't be a part of it
Loriane2010
Posted:
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Re: BM advice needed
I am having a similar situation go on with my friend of 15 years. She keeps flaking on dress appointments, and stuff. But, the way I am handling it, is I am not asking her again. If she doesn't go get the dress this weekend, than she is not in it. I am sorry, but WE are the bride, it is a honor to ask someone to be in your married. I really don't think you should ask her again. I understand financially it is hard to be a bridesmaid, but she should of spoken to you about that before.
