we have grown apart a bit but still close, just dont hang much bc she is partying a lot and thats not the stage im at right now
anyway...shes always flakey, canceling last minute on plans, can never give a yes or no answer to things, etc...she made first dress appt no problem- she HAD to have a 290 dress
second dress appt, I decided to go look again bc I felt 290 was too much for anyone to spend, i invite all my girls 2 of them from out of town and decide to have a girly day and do lunch as well with all the girls planned this for like 3 weeks btw
day before she gives me a song and dance that shes tired and her back hurts bc she slipped on ice and says ill def make the dress appt but i wont go to lunch bc im broke
day of she texts me at 10 am saying shes sick as a dog and can't make it
i told her i was hurt and upset that she wouldn't make it
I started to feel like she wasn't into the whole BM thing and she has a lot of financial problems and was worried that she couldnt financially afford it- she has a poor paying job and a crappy car sucking money out of her and is just not good with money
i emailed her a long and very nice email telling her if she didnt have the money for the BM process Id understand, yada yada
she got nasty and said fine i wont be in your wedding
at first I was relieved and felt like i didnt have the burden of worrying about whether or not she would show up, get things on time, have money for dress etc
but now that all the girls put down their deposits and i need to call salon and tell them to put order in, Im starting to worry if I will regret not having her in the BP...and not having her there the morning I get ready at the hotel with, that she wont be in pics with me and all my girls
I honestly thought she would come around and say I really want to be in your wedding, Ill make it work
at the same time I dont want to be the fool begging for her to come back or have her disappoint me and then feel like 'see i told you so, you shouldnt have had her in it'
uggghhh I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry so long!!!
if you read that all i love you to pieces!
DCgirl82
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
If you wrote her an email saying in a nice way that you understood if she couldnt meet the financial obligations of being a BM and she got nasty like that it makes me wonder.. I myself would have responded either I will make it work or thank you for understanding... Maybe give it a few days and see if she cools off...
VCanizalez
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
NO DONT ASK HER
I did that with my X MOH... I feel bad n though EVERYTHING you thought.... I Asked her again to b in the Bridal party... a WEEK later she slapped me in the face again!...
DONT DO IT....
You only NEED the people who TRULY LOVE U to be there for U.. Those who truly want to ENJOY the moment for U....
bebita0830
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
to be honest with u I wouldn't. she was the one trying to get out of it by making excuses to not even making it to the appointments, plus she tried to make u feel the bad one by taking ur email the wrong way, u don't need more worries in ur big day, especially for someone who obviously is not worring for u
mybabylovesmoi
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
Posted by DCgirl82
If you wrote her an email saying in a nice way that you understood if she couldnt meet the financial obligations of being a BM and she got nasty like that it makes me wonder.. I myself would have responded either I will make it work or thank you for understanding... Maybe give it a few days and see if she cools off...
ITA, there was no reason for her to get nasty if you were nice and giving HER an out if she felt she couldn't handle the responsibilities...
I wouldn't ask her again. I wouldn't drop her as a friend but you can like someone very much but wouldn't hire them for a job KWIM?
The mature response from her should've veen either
'I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was slacking off. I do really want to be there for you and I promise to make more of an effort.'
or 'I'm sorry, I love you but I didn't realize the time and money that goes along with being a BM. Thanks for understanding, I will still be there for you as a guest.'
JandS
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
I wouldn't ask her back. Maybe you can make her a reader.
AugustFeather
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
Thats a rough situation. I went through something similar last year with a friend since age 14 as well. She was similar with the flakey/financial stuff. Our friendship ended when she failed to come through on several things that were important to me and then topped it by saying something to my FH that was rude. I think sometimes friendships just change and people go their own way. I think if you are having issues now... your friendship might not be a lasting one. SO.. although there is a history with her.. there might not be much of a future.. you may not want to reflect back to your wedding photos with that past as a constant reminder. I think the issues go deeper than money etc.. If she stepped down, i do not think you should ask again. It might be best in the long run.
GOOD LUCK!
LoveyDovey
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
Posted by kfizz
ugh...i hate BM drama..there is always one person in the group like this I feel. Maybe you should give her a call and explain to her the reason you sent her the email...you feel it may be too much for her. Tell her that you didnt mean it as a way to demote her from being a BM but as a way out if she feels it will be to much money, time, and effort. Tell her how you meant it ..get it off your chest so you do not feel guilty. If she still says she does not want to do it then there is your answer...or maybe she will reconsider bc she now understands better what you meant.
I did this back when it happened and she said Im sad I cant be in it but I really can't afford it, Im broke
LoveyDovey
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
Posted by evita2781
Have you guys spoken since she stepped down from being a BM? If not, I would try to meet up with her and talk about it. It was perhaps one of those where she didn't think before she responded and now might just waiting for you to say something. Just be prepared for her to say no again just in case. Sorry you're going through this
yeah we spoke twice about it...and I thought shed come around and say something like maybe I can come up with the money etc...but she kept saying shes broke
LoveyDovey
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM advice needed
Posted by DCgirl82
If you wrote her an email saying in a nice way that you understood if she couldnt meet the financial obligations of being a BM and she got nasty like that it makes me wonder.. I myself would have responded either I will make it work or thank you for understanding... Maybe give it a few days and see if she cools off...
ya this happened a MONTH ago...she has had a month to cool off!
the thing is im not sure if she understands that she cant change her mind a month before the wedding., I dont think she understands that the dresses need to be ordered together and she cant just order one last minute...if she is even thinkinggggg about being in the BP...not sure
