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BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

Stephanie1103 Posted: Jun 13, 2003 12:34 AM+

Stephanie1103 MEMBER SINCE: 6/03 TOTAL POSTS : 129 WEDDING DATE: Aug 14, 2004

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 12:34 AM

BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

My FH has three brothers, two with wives, one with a girlfriend of 3 years. We are all very close and want to have them in the wedding party, but his brother and his girlfriend have been on and off for the past few months. Will we be putting any more pressure on the relationship by asking them to be in the wedding party? We can't leave them or her out!

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Jun 13, 2003 01:02 AM+

The Original 2nd-time-around MEMBER SINCE: 12/02 TOTAL POSTS : 5658 WEDDING DATE: May 04, 2004

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 01:02 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

THat's a tough one. Is there something else special that you could ask her to do, like maybe a reading, that way if they are not together at the time you could ask someone else to fill in?
The BP thing is a big commitment...

SomedayBride Posted: Jun 13, 2003 01:10 AM+

SomedayBride MEMBER SINCE: 5/02 TOTAL POSTS : 2051 WEDDING DATE: Jan 01, 1995

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 01:10 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

You still have quite a while before the wedding, could you put off asking your BP for a bit? We were in a similar situation, and the couple broke up soon after the day that we were going to ask them. (we had decided to put it off for a while) I didn't want my friend, who I really want in the wedding to feel like she had to stay in a relationship with the guy just for the sake of us having him in our wedding. I mean, we'll still be friends with the guy, but don't want to cause an uncomfortable situation by having him in the BP, when the girl is my true friend, and he only became our friend because he was her BF.
Edited to add that we're still waiting to officially ask the BP members, and if their situation gets a little less awkward in the future, we're going to ask the guy to be in the BP. I just think that asking him while they were still going out would have made my friend feel as though she had to stay with him. (She's silly like that, although that's not saying that your situation is the same.)

112903 Posted: Jun 13, 2003 07:27 AM+

112903 MEMBER SINCE: 7/02 TOTAL POSTS : 2682 WEDDING DATE: Nov 29, 2003

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 07:27 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

I agree wait a little bit before asking. See what happens.

CutieLipps Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:09 AM+

CutieLipps MEMBER SINCE: 11/02 TOTAL POSTS : 1105 WEDDING DATE: Sep 20, 2003

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:09 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

Definitely wait a while before asking.

princess99 Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:32 AM+

princess99 MEMBER SINCE: 7/02 TOTAL POSTS : 2937 WEDDING DATE: Mar 28, 2004

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:32 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

I would see what happens. My very good friend asked her brothers gf, and she was in the wedding and they broke up not long after the wedding, so she is also in a lot of the pictures. It is really a tough call, but I would wait it out.

allure Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:34 AM+

allure MEMBER SINCE: 12/02 TOTAL POSTS : 14367 WEDDING DATE: Jan 16, 2011

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:34 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

I would also wait and see what happens

SeptemberBride03 Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:36 AM+

SeptemberBride03 MEMBER SINCE: 8/02 TOTAL POSTS : 3277 WEDDING DATE: Sep 20, 2003

Posted: Jun 13, 2003 08:36 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

My cousin asked her brother's girlfriend to be in her wedding and the girlfriend politely said no because she didn't want to put pressure on their relationship. From time to time she felt bad about saying no, they were still together at the wedding and I know the girlfriend was wishing a little that she was a BM, the year after the brother and gf got engaged - but 6 months later broke off the engagement and now my cousin is sooo happy that she wasn't in the wedding!

Stephanie1103 Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:44 AM+

Stephanie1103 MEMBER SINCE: 6/03 TOTAL POSTS : 129 WEDDING DATE: Aug 14, 2004

Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:44 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

I think I will wait. I have to say though, it wouldn't bother me if they broke up and she was in my pics. That's just how things were at the time my wedding took place. It's all part of the memories. My concern is putting pressure on them that they don't need.

pschica Posted: Jun 14, 2003 09:05 AM+

pschica MEMBER SINCE: 3/03 TOTAL POSTS : 5773 WEDDING DATE: Nov 16, 2003

Posted: Jun 14, 2003 09:05 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

what about having him in it and asking her to do a reading if oyu think it might be a problem??

(or ask your fh's brother what he thinks....and what he'd be most comfortable with!)

prncssrachel Posted: Jun 14, 2003 09:10 AM+

prncssrachel MEMBER SINCE: 2/03 TOTAL POSTS : 11213 WEDDING DATE: Jul 03, 2005 WEDDING LOCATION: Stewart Manor Country Club

Posted: Jun 14, 2003 09:10 AM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

I think the safest thing is to wait. but is your FH close enough with his brother that he could ask him what's going on? Not with the intentions for your BP, but just in general. I mean, just to be a support system. The BP can wait, IMO. Good Luck!

butterfly20 Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:13 PM+

butterfly20 MEMBER SINCE: 3/03 TOTAL POSTS : 10671 WEDDING DATE: Nov 06, 2004

Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:13 PM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

I would say give her a reader role cause thats easy to fill if she isnt around then

gertyrae Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:29 PM+

gertyrae MEMBER SINCE: 4/03 TOTAL POSTS : 2057 WEDDING DATE: Jan 24, 2004

Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:29 PM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

If they are on and off, I would wait. My FI's friend asked me when we were onlyl dating five months and I felt VERY awkward. I did it, cuz me and FI talked about it, but it was a leeeetle scary.

Stephanie1103 Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:45 PM+

Stephanie1103 MEMBER SINCE: 6/03 TOTAL POSTS : 129 WEDDING DATE: Aug 14, 2004

Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:45 PM

Re: BM Dilemma-PLEASE HELP!!!

You're right! He is close with him and he should have a heart to heart with him. I should take my own advice. I just gave someone the same advice last night who is having trouble with a BM who is a very close friend.

Thank you.

Stephanie1103 Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:51 PM+

Stephanie1103 MEMBER SINCE: 6/03 TOTAL POSTS : 129 WEDDING DATE: Aug 14, 2004

Posted: Jun 14, 2003 01:51 PM