BM drama-what would u do?

My Bm calls me today and tells me that shes got a dilemma and needs my help. She then says to me that her 10yr old daughter(my Jr bridesmaid and god daughter) has a baseball practice the day of the church rehearsal and she really doesnt want to miss pratice. So my BM asks me if it would be ok for her to miss the rehearsal for the BB game and she would just show her what to do later that night. I lost it.. RIght in the middle of Michaels I lost it. I am trying to keep cool and ask her if shes seriously asking me if her daughter can miss the rehearsal for a baseball practice that she wont even play in cause the game is the day I am getting married. It blows my mind that she couldnt tell her daughter 'Sorry you have to miss your game because you committed to a wedding and that is more important than your 10 yr old BB game'. I wanted to vomit. I cant wait for the follow up call..
Would you be mad or am I being bridezilla-ish

I would be mad too but I also understand that kids see that their baseball practice is more important than a wedding... kids

I would let her go to the practice because I wouldnt want her to be angry at the rehearsal and make things worse by not paying attention. I'm sure your BM will help her and she will learn it.

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Posted by wo0shply

I would be mad too but I also understand that kids see that their baseball practice is more important than a wedding... kids

I would let her go to the practice because I wouldnt want her to be angry at the rehearsal and make things worse by not paying attention. I'm sure your BM will help her and she will learn it.

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But as a mother would you ask the bride to make the decision for you so that you can not be the bad guy and say You cant play cause it would make K upset. Shes using me so that she doesnt have to be the parent and bad guy

This is a tough issue. As a parent: if the kid was given a choice between bball and a wedding rehearsal, they're going to pick practice. It's their social life. And as far as making a commitment: in her mind the commitment to her bball team and her friends is more important than your wedding.

Don't take it to heart. And don't put your BM in the position of having to upset either her friend (you) or her daughter. Let the kid go to practice if she can be brought up to speed later.

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I guess shes got a pretty busy kid schedule.

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Sadly, I am sure she does! And I'm sure in the end: your day will be perfect anyway!

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Posted by bluekat16

I would be mad. There are priorities and she isn't teaching her kid how to prioritize and that you can't do everything you want.

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I think you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes life isnt fair. Im no meanie but when you try to make you kids life conflict free there will be an issue somewhere done the line.

i agree with the previous posters.

as it is, in her 'kid world' she may feel like she is already missing the game for the wedding ...

we didn't have a rehearsal at all for our wedding, its not *that* important. her mom will help her figure out what she needs to do ... its pretty simple.

This got a lot longer than i had anticipated...

in my opinion the rehearsal isn't strictly about rehearsing.
you want her there b/c she's special to you, not b/c you're afraid she'll walk backwards down the aisle or something like that.
While I understand that our bridal parties have lives outside of our weddings I also feel that when you agree to be in a bridal party you agree to certain obligations.
I know other people don't feel that way, and that's fine too, if it's no big deal to you then great, but this bride obviously does care, and that's okay.

I don't think the fact that she's a 'junior' bridesmaid takes away from how important her role is or anything like that. I've seen several girls refer to their JBMs in a way that makes them sound disposable, or less important than their regular bridesmaids, I actually find it refreshing that MissK wants her there badly enough to be upset.

If your friend requested the rehearsal not be on a certain day b/c of her daughter's baseball commitment, and you made sure it wasn't on that day, i think it's unfair for her to then tell you that the day you did pick doesn't work out b/c of baseball either. Especially if the practice is for a game that she won't be playing in. If this is a recreational team, and not a hardcore competiive team or a school team, i doubt there'd be any repercussions to her not being at practice. if any, it'd be that she couldn't play at the next game, which she's missing for your wedding anyway.

I understand that she has a commitment to her team, and that it's important to her, and if it's an issue of commitment and not just which option sounds like more fun, i give her a lot of credit, but child or not your wedding should be important to her too.
I didn't want to go to a lot of stuff when I was a kid, there were several cheerleading practices and softball games, and play rehearsals missed do to other obligations, and I can tell you now, i doubt i would have remembered those specific missed practices, but have great memories from the other events.

If I'm being honest, I think maybe you need to go a little bit easier on your friend and her kid.

It's really nice that you care enough about the kid and want her to be there for each aspect leading up to the wedding. But I don't think you should interpret her wanting to go to a baseball practice as not living up to a commitment and as her mom teaching her a bad lesson or something. Perhaps she wants to go to this practice because she's already missing the actual game for your wedding.

Also, I do think it was nice of your friend to give you a call to ask first. I know you think that maybe your friend is trying to set you up as a bad guy. But as being an outside observer, it sounds like your friend felt that rather than her telling her kid yes/no about going to the practice, she figured why not run it by the person who's wedding practice it is to see how you felt. Your friend didn't have to discuss this at all with you - it's her kid and she can raise her as she wants and make the decisions she wants. So I think it was actually nice of your friend to stop and think about you and see how you would feel.

Obviously your wedding day is going to be the most important day to you. Unfortunately, others don't make it their #1 priority. I'm not saying that's right, but we all do have to be understanding. There are times when families, friends and the BP do cross a line with how they treat brides/grooms planning a wedding, which isn't right. But I think in this case, your friend wasn't really crossing a line. So that's why I think you should maybe go a little bit easier on her.

Instead of getting so upset, maybe try to work out a way that the kid can go to her practice but come to your rehearsal later. Ask your friend if she can arrange for the kid to maybe leave her practice a little early, or just arrange for her to get a ride over right after practice.

Again, this is just my opinion as an outside observer. I understand that sometimes things can be different when you're actually in the situation.

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Posted by wundmoretime

My FH just over read this, he agrees with me that you should be upset. This comes from a mom with 2 kids. They can't miss practice for a game they can't play? The girl made a committment to you, and her mother is not sending her the right message about priorities and committments. Maybe it will rain and they can make it.

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i agree!!! i know that the kid obviously would rather go to her practice..bc well shes 10...but her mother should have known to tell her daughter no sorry u are missing it bc your god mother is getting married and its important for you to be there!

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Posted by MKEA98

If I'm being honest, I think maybe you need to go a little bit easier on your friend and her kid.

It's really nice that you care enough about the kid and want her to be there for each aspect leading up to the wedding. But I don't think you should interpret her wanting to go to a baseball practice as not living up to a commitment and as her mom teaching her a bad lesson or something. Perhaps she wants to go to this practice because she's already missing the actual game for your wedding.

Also, I do think it was nice of your friend to give you a call to ask first. I know you think that maybe your friend is trying to set you up as a bad guy. But as being an outside observer, it sounds like your friend felt that rather than her telling her kid yes/no about going to the practice, she figured why not run it by the person who's wedding practice it is to see how you felt. Your friend didn't have to discuss this at all with you - it's her kid and she can raise her as she wants and make the decisions she wants. So I think it was actually nice of your friend to stop and think about you and see how you would feel.

Obviously your wedding day is going to be the most important day to you. Unfortunately, others don't make it their #1 priority. I'm not saying that's right, but we all do have to be understanding. There are times when families, friends and the BP do cross a line with how they treat brides/grooms planning a wedding, which isn't right. But I think in this case, your friend wasn't really crossing a line. So that's why I think you should maybe go a little bit easier on her.

Instead of getting so upset, maybe try to work out a way that the kid can go to her practice but come to your rehearsal later. Ask your friend if she can arrange for the kid to maybe leave her practice a little early, or just arrange for her to get a ride over right after practice.

Again, this is just my opinion as an outside observer. I understand that sometimes things can be different when you're actually in the situation.

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I couldn't agree more. In addition to the commitment she made to you by being in the wedding party, she made to her teammate by joining the team. No one can help being 'overbooked' but she is doing what she feels is best and giving both her responsibilities equal time.

I have BP members who can't be at my rehearsal, bachelorette AND bridal shower and I'll ok with it. Of course, I'd want them there but I recognize they have lives outside of my wedding and I respect that.

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Posted by angl2001

i understand she wants to go to practice....but she cant play in the next game anyways so there is no reason for her to go!!! i would be pissed too!

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ok, since i never actually played team sports during my childhood, i confirmed this with dh.

practice is general practice and does NOT relate to any specific game. its practice of the sport. practice for the team. not just for the next game!

the fact that she won't be able to play in the game immediately following the practice doesn't mean there's no reason for her to go to the practice.

honestly, i did not let this sort of thing upset me during my planning ... and i think you should just let it go ... i would imagine with only a few days left until your wedding that there are bigger or more productive things for you to be concerned with.