BM 'issue'

for the few who are on today... i need some help.

warning ... this might be long

i have college roomates that i asked to be in my BP. unofficially after my engagement in jan i asked them at a bar when they took me out....

now that the wedding is 11 months away i have only absolutly confirmed 2 of the 4 girls....

these 2 i never had to ask again to make sure they were always talkign about my wedding, dresses, plans, etc.

the 2 girls i have not heard from SINCE jan. we are on totally different schedules, they travel here adn there, and arent keen on emails or callign back asap... so the summer came and went and i saw everyone but again these 2 others that was tough to contact....

so on NOv 6th i mailed (snail mail) cards to those 2 girls, offically asking them to be in my bridal party, additionally explaining that i woudl love to talk or hang out after im done with school on teh 4th. of Dec. (im tied for time until then.... to hang out)

its now 2 WEEKS and 2 days since they were in the mail, and nothing.... (i also mailed it to the 2 i knew were in the BP jsut bc it was a cute card and they both got it on the 7th and 8th)

girls... im at a loss...
i have tried time and time to contact thses girls and i get nothing... i dont expect them to call me and say no.. just email me say im sorry but i cant, then it will be fine... but now what!?

do i email them to see if they got the letter?

do i let it go and move on and assume they do not
want to be involved?

do i call them? <-- even though they dont call me or risk putting htem in a awkard position?

do i mention it to the other BM and see if they will mention it to them? (they have also had trouble contacting them as well, and have mentioned it BEFORE about my wedding.. and the girls seemed ehhh about the wedding)


any suggestions will be helpful

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Posted by ant n tilde

Didnt you post about asking them if they still wanted to be in it? Or am I getting confused?

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exactly....
u have been following this... lol (thank you)

i DID... thats the ISSUE!!!

i mailed the card out bc they were unable to contact (we have annual college gtg and they woudlnt respond to those... if they did then slip it in ... )

so i mailed them... 2 weeks 2 days.. and one girl emailed everyone that shes now cancelling on our tday gtg...

if they are being this uncooperative NOW they will be later when its most important. You will wnant to shoot yourself for having them in your BP and not realizing what a mistake it was to ask them .

so i say find 2 new BMs!

oh no you cant have them in your wedding

lol im sorry easier said than done right? but even people who are CLOSE lose touch after the wedding - you will never hear from these girls again

tell them if you have decided to have a smaller bp you are sorry for the inconvenience

thats my opinion anyway

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Posted by jgl



if they are being this uncooperative NOW they will be later when its most important. You will wnant to shoot yourself for having them in your BP and not realizing what a mistake it was to ask them .

so i say find 2 new BMs!

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thats what a lot of ppl are saying...

i will not look for 2 new BM if anythign we will be 2 short

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Posted by xXxNovember08xXx

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Posted by jgl



if they are being this uncooperative NOW they will be later when its most important. You will wnant to shoot yourself for having them in your BP and not realizing what a mistake it was to ask them .

so i say find 2 new BMs!

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thats what a lot of ppl are saying...

i will not look for 2 new BM if anythign we will be 2 short

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i thinkt hat is your best bet! you dont want to have to deal with this through the process of BM dresses and everything else.

i hear so many people on here complaining about BMs not being involved and etc.. and they post about how that person was always like this, or they wee best freinds then had a falling out and then becamefriends again so they asked them to be in their BP - but peopl edont change. So you are better off realizing this now than later!

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Posted by ant n tilde

oh no you cant have them in your wedding

lol im sorry easier said than done right? but even people who are CLOSE lose touch after the wedding - you will never hear from these girls again

tell them if you have decided to have a smaller bp you are sorry for the inconvenience

thats my opinion anyway

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it is soo difficult... bc the one that just backed out of the gtg, was the one who in the past posts... gave us who ha about not hanging out all the time.

foreshadowing, huh?

tday gtg is the 8th... hopefully the other missing girl will be there... i will possibly grow my balls by then, and tell her that im assuming she doesnt want to be involved...

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Posted by jgl



if they are being this uncooperative NOW they will be later when its most important. You will wnant to shoot yourself for having them in your BP and not realizing what a mistake it was to ask them .

so i say find 2 new BMs!

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I agree. U shouldn't have to hunt them down; they should be calling/ emailing/ texting/ writing (whatever) u to get back to u. If they're not responding now, what's going to happen as the wedding approaches?

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by xXxNovember08xXx

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Posted by jgl



if they are being this uncooperative NOW they will be later when its most important. You will wnant to shoot yourself for having them in your BP and not realizing what a mistake it was to ask them .

so i say find 2 new BMs!

---

thats what a lot of ppl are saying...

i will not look for 2 new BM if anythign we will be 2 short

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i thinkt hat is your best bet! you dont want to have to deal with this through the process of BM dresses and everything else.

i hear so many people on here complaining about BMs not being involved and etc.. and they post about how that person was always like this, or they wee best freinds then had a falling out and then becamefriends again so they asked them to be in their BP - but peopl edont change. So you are better off realizing this now than later!

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thank you for answering.. and u too matilde....

the issue is one now bc i just started dress shopping for myself, adn started throwing ideas aound for BM dresses...

im more laid back so far with their dress choice... giving them a color and style, and lettign them choose... if im giving them THAT much freedom.. i cant have communication issues NOW...

let alone 4 months from now.

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Posted by MiciB115

I would call them to ask what their answer is.

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see but they have been unresponive to emails, letters, and the random calls from months ago.. i do not want to set myself up for awkard situation if they are advoiding me for a reason...

im very non confrontational in my later years!

Personally, I would send the 2 who have not responded a quick email saying something along the lines of...

Dear Bla bla bla,
I hope you got my card about being a bridesmaid in my wedding. Since I haven't heard back from you, you must be really busy. I don't want you to be inconvenienced by the time it takes to be part of a wedding, but would still love it if you came as a guest. As a heads up, the wedding will be on...... Hope to see you then. Would love to catch up in the mean time.


For me, I'd like to think I gave them numerous chances to remain friends. If you still don't hear from them after this, you don't even have to invite them to the wedding, but at least you tried. JMO

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Posted by muttham4u

Personally, I would send the 2 who have not responded a quick email saying something along the lines of...

Dear Bla bla bla,
I hope you got my card about being a bridesmaid in my wedding. Since I haven't heard back from you, you must be really busy. I don't want you to be inconvenienced by the time it takes to be part of a wedding, but would still love it if you came as a guest. As a heads up, the wedding will be on...... Hope to see you then. Would love to catch up in the mean time.


For me, I'd like to think I gave them numerous chances to remain friends. If you still don't hear from them after this, you don't even have to invite them to the wedding, but at least you tried. JMO

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umm i really liek that first part.. i may use it if you dont mind...

btw.. i jsut redid my bridal newsletter... and took them out...

haha, sounds like you're not liking the idea of inviting them as guests after all the grief they've caused you (I don't blame you). Of course, use whatever part you'd like...

good luck!

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Posted by muttham4u

haha, sounds like you're not liking the idea of inviting them as guests after all the grief they've caused you (I don't blame you). Of course, use whatever part you'd like...

good luck!

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nono ... i thikn that woudl be taken the WRONG way to them...


lol

This must be quite stressful to you. How about contacting them via e-mail and phone on the same day one last time and telling them if they do not confirm that they are your BMs by X date (could be one week, one month, or whatever works with your time frame), you'll have to ask other people.

One of the previous posters made a good point that if they're this unresponsive now, imagine how it will be getting basic information from them, much less them helping you out, down the line. Good luck.

I hate to say this, but I'd move on. I'd hate for you to be let down. You shouldn't have to double and tripple check with someone.

I didn't want to be in anyone's wedding and I hated having to ask girls to be in mine. Three of them are single, so I didn't feel as bad asking them - since they weren't girls I turned down. Ha ha!