My bridal shower was suppose to be a surprise but planning has been a disaster for the FSIL. Now I have been thrown into BM drama. One of the BM has told the other BMs that she does not have the money to contribute to the shower. Now she is ignoring phone calls from the other BMs. My concern is that she won't have the money for her dress. When I asked all my BMs I told them they would need to come up with at least $250 (for dress, shower, and bach party). I told them that I totally understand if they can not financially accept the BM position and there would be no hurt feelings. They all said they would have the money. It is not fair that the other BMs and myself have to cover their share. I have already paid $300 for my shower location and don't want to be stuck paying for any BMs dresses. I really can't not afford it.
Two other BMs said they will give the money this weekend. Is it wrong if I tell all the BMs that whoever does not pay their part of the shower by this weekend they can longer be in the bridal party? Just want to make sure I'm not being mean. BTW the shower is in three weeks.
SORRY ITS LONG
luckycouple05
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
OMG SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME- EXCEPT I didnt pay...one of my BM was acting shady and since my MOH didnt want me finding out, she paid for her share instead..but nosey me kinda picked up on wat was happening and I told her she either has to be a part of it completely or step down as a BM..I was str8 forward b/c at that point i was so stressed out and thats something u shuldnt have to worry about IMO
elp6421
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
Thats a tough situations. I would reach out to that bridesmaid and find out directly from her what the deal is.
If she honestly can't afford it, she may be ok with stepping down.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
Posted by elp6421
Thats a tough situations. I would reach out to that bridesmaid and find out directly from her what the deal is.
If she honestly can't afford it, she may be ok with stepping down.
ITA
also - i would not send an email to ALL the BMs - just the one who hasn't paid.
AdriandSteve
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
I would send a email to the one BM who hasn't paid and said she can't pay. Explain the conversation you had with her in the beginning and see if her financial situation has changed. I'm not sure what BM dresses your getting but saying 250 for the dresses, shower, and bach party is WAAAY less then what it might 'typically' cost not including their wedding and shower gift.
spdy540
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
thats a tough situation but that is why my step sister is no longer in my bridal party (but she was being a real b*tch about everything so it made it easier for me to boot her) You could try talking to her again
MikesBride2B
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
I really don't see any problems with that at all...wedding planning comes with enough stress on its own, you can't be dealing with other people's issues.
If they can't pay, then they can't be in the BP...its not cruel or mean nor bridezilla-ish...its the truth.
IheartDanger1023
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
On the flip side, I ended up paying for a lot of things regarding BM dresses. Lay offs, moving, and other issues came up for some of my BMs and I offered to help with certain costs or lend money (which I luckily got back...love my friends!) even though I really don't have the means to because I couldn't imagine my wedding without certain people in it. My MOH has 4 children...her twin daughters are my jr. bms and since they were born I've wanted them in my wedding (they're 9). Her son is my RB. She told me straight up that she couldn't afford to pay for her childrens wedding expenses as well as her own as my MOH so I needed to choose whether I wanted her or the kids because she could only manage one. I couldn't make that choice so I paid for the girls dresses myself. It was a definite difficulty, but I know it's worth it in the end...and I know she truely couldn't manage it herself and appreciate her coming to me honestly about it. But that's just my situation.
On the other hand...I heard the same shady shower stuff happened with another BM and I wasn't as understanding because she continuously assures me that she can handle the responsibility...so I really have no sympathy.
If I could do it again, I'd probably not have a bridal party. I love them with all my heart, but it's a major emotional drainer.
JohnnyandGia
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
Posted by IheartDanger1023
On the flip side, I ended up paying for a lot of things regarding BM dresses. Lay offs, moving, and other issues came up for some of my BMs and I offered to help with certain costs or lend money (which I luckily got back...love my friends!) even though I really don't have the means to because I couldn't imagine my wedding without certain people in it. My MOH has 4 children...her twin daughters are my jr. bms and since they were born I've wanted them in my wedding (they're 9). Her son is my RB. She told me straight up that she couldn't afford to pay for her childrens wedding expenses as well as her own as my MOH so I needed to choose whether I wanted her or the kids because she could only manage one. I couldn't make that choice so I paid for the girls dresses myself. It was a definite difficulty, but I know it's worth it in the end...and I know she truely couldn't manage it herself and appreciate her coming to me honestly about it. But that's just my situation.
On the other hand...I heard the same shady shower stuff happened with another BM and I wasn't as understanding because she continuously assures me that she can handle the responsibility...so I really have no sympathy.
If I could do it again, I'd probably not have a bridal party. I love them with all my heart, but it's a major emotional drainer.
I'm have 8 BMs because FH wanted 8 GMs. The only BMs I wanted were my sisters. I already am paying for the FG dress and half of one of the BM dress who told me in the beginning she couldn't afford it. I grew up with this BM and she is like a sister so I don't mind helping. The BM that is ignoring everyone costantly assured me she would have the money in numerous conversations. I am gong to talk to her tonight.
fdnybride163
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
the best thing you can do is talk straight with her. Ask her flat out does she still want to be a part of the wedding, and make her give you an honest answer. Dont get mad and tell her that you would rather her be honest now instead of two weeks before the weddig when she has to bail cause she 'has no money'
JohnnyandGia
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Re: BM issue... NEED ADVICE PLEASE
Thanks everyone. I feel a little better of talking to the BM tonight. I have had numerous conversations with her regarding the money and gave her an out. She insisted that she would have the money and wants to be in the bridal party. I also explained to her that FSIL is not asking for a lot of money for the shower and all I'm asking them to buy is the dress. I'm not sure if she is exaggerating about her financial condition because she goes out a lot, but if she isn't it is not worth her struggling just to be in the BP. Save your money for rent. Especially since she know I didn't want the big BP to begin with. Anyway I'll call her tonight and hopefully it goes well. THANKS!
