So back when FH and I got engaged I asked one of my good friends to be in the BP. She also happens to be the girlfriend of the best man. Well two weeks after she said she would be in it they break up and she tells me that maybe its not such a good idea that she's in the BP and doesn't want to cause any drama. Yes I was upset but I didn't want to push it. I told her its her decision and I'll respect whatever she decides. But i made it a point to say that she couldn't change her mind if they got back together in 6 months. Wouldn't you know they got back together. It's been a few months since then and I get an email from her this morning saying how she's pissed at me b/c she's not in the wedding party anymore and she thought she was. w-t-h? I don't know what to do. It's not a huge deal if she's in it but I don't want her to change her mind if they break up again. what should I do?
pandafish519
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
how close are you guys? if you are SUPER close then i would reconsider. not 100% say ok, but give yourself some time to think. if you have ANY doubts about her being a part of it i would stick to your guns and tell her that she is putting you in a rough situation and you will have her be a part of it in a different way. good luck!
JennyAPH
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
I dont know if I am being mean... but you made it clear that she couldn't change her mind if they got back together.. so I dont see why she is mad at you that she is not in it anymore...I think I would honestly tell her that.. if its a really good friend then reconsider but tell her that you are not sure about it cause you dont need her changing her mind again.
MrsGarcia
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
Well its really all up to you.. What i would do (If she was in fact a friend of mine as well as his gf) say 'Listen ' you can be in it but a month before my wedding you better not sit there and change your mind'.. Let her know if she is in fact int he wedding she needs to stay there and if she backs out again shes not only going to lose her place in the wedding party but also in your life... (I'm mean like that LOL).. If shes willing to stress you over this agai then thats not a true friend. But I believe everyone deserves second chances, so I would give her that .
pooh57362
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
She's a pretty close friend of mine. I'm just afraid that if they break up again (which happens often) then she'll do it again. She also backed out of two wedding parties she was in for his family (his sister and his cousin). One of them was 2 months before the wedding. If she can do that to his family 2 months before the wedding what's going to stop her from doing it to me? I see a pattern.... and it worries me. She's trying to give me a guilt trip saying how she felt stupid at our engagement party that we were taking bp pics and noone asked her to be in them. Meanwhile everyone already thought that way of her for backing out. Sorry to sound like a B**** but it is what it is right?
DrWho
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
Posted by pooh57362
She also backed out of two wedding parties she was in for his family (his sister and his cousin). One of them was 2 months before the wedding.
With that history, I can't believe you asked her in the first place.
pooh57362
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
Posted by DrWho
Posted by pooh57362
She also backed out of two wedding parties she was in for his family (his sister and his cousin). One of them was 2 months before the wedding.
With that history, I can't believe you asked her in the first place.
She did it after I asked her, there's no way i would have asked if that was the case.
MrsList09
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
She sounds a bit flaky to be honest so I would be wary of her dropping out again. It also sounds like she would be a problem BM with drama not even having to do with the breakup.
If you want to have an extra girl, then by all means have her but if you really want your BP to be even, I would remind her of your conversation and tell her you think it's better if she's not in the BP.
MrsList09
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
She sounds a bit flaky to be honest so I would be wary of her dropping out again. It also sounds like she would be a problem BM with drama not even having to do with the breakup.
If you want to have an extra girl, then by all means have her but if you really want your BP to be even, I would remind her of your conversation and tell her you think it's better if she's not in the BP.
debzy
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
I'd leave it be. Maybe you can have her help you out in some other way? If she was the one who initially backed out, then she has to be understanding. Just realize that when she gets married, she will probably spite you by not asking you to be her BM.
You have to do what you are most comfortable with.
MaggieLuvsJoe
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
I would leave teh BP the way it is, you an give her some other job to do at the wedding, like maybe hand out programs or do a reading if you're having a church ceremony. I would just include her in another way that won't cause too much drama if she decided to drop out but I would not put her in the BP.
B2B 2009
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
IMO, don't have her in it!! I've had BP issues of my own and wish I would've been stronger in my decisions from the start.. Because believe me it just leads to more problems later on which you don't need.
lizzie217
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
My honest reaction is that she dropped out when they broke up (you sound like you didnt give her any trouble) and that she has NERVE to ask to be back in.
Talk about a fairweather friend..ugh
Suzanner
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
Do NOT ask her back in.
What kind of imbecile sends a bride an email saying she's mad she's not in the BP anymore? What, she's pressuring you to be in your bridal party? That is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of the type of friend you want to stand up for you! She doesn't want to be in it for YOU- she would have stayed in it from the beginning and put her feelings for her ex aside for you! She wants to be in it for HER- so she can be included in the pictures and all the fun stuff! She felt stupid because she wasn't in the pictures? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I've been to weddings where my FH was in the party and I'm not, and I just talked to other people and enjoyed myself while he did his BP stuff. If she can't manage to do that, then her personality blows and she's a moron.
Remember, these are people who are standing up for you. Is this someone you want? I don't think so. Tell her sorry, but since she made the choice to back out the first time, you have made other arrangements.
So sorry if I have offended, but this made me so mad. If you have her back in, be prepared for her to back out again. And then you'll kick yourself for having known better.
gina409
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
i hope im not offending u but i gotta say she has some nerve..u told her what the deal would be if they got back together and shes mad at u??what is she nuts..she should be saying to u im sorry i put u in this positon and i understand either way u decide...my advice would be to decide how close u r with her and how much drama she could cause in the future..if they r going to break up /get together again id say 4 get it ..if u r that close with her and really want her there then i guess go for it but i would def tell her how u r feeling cause its really not fair to u..jmo hth
TheLadyJ
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
yeah, she has no right to, on a whim, decide that she doesn't and then does want to be in the bridal party. She chose to back out, so she doesn't get to change her mind.
Do yourself a favor and stick to your guns. Is there something else she could do, like be a reader or hand out programs?
pooh57362
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
Thanks for the support girls - i def need some!!!!
Karsav7096
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
Posted by abrennan01
She sounds a bit flaky to be honest so I would be wary of her dropping out again. It also sounds like she would be a problem BM with drama not even having to do with the breakup.
If you want to have an extra girl, then by all means have her but if you really want your BP to be even, I would remind her of your conversation and tell her you think it's better if she's not in the BP.
I agree 100 percent!!! She seems a bit flaky and why add more stress to your day!!! If she is a good friend she will just have to understand your position.
mosh424
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Re: BM issue (sorry its long)
Posted by gporka23
I dont know if I am being mean... but you made it clear that she couldn't change her mind if they got back together.. so I dont see why she is mad at you that she is not in it anymore...I think I would honestly tell her that.. if its a really good friend then reconsider but tell her that you are not sure about it cause you dont need her changing her mind again.
