BM News

I have a pregnant BM!!!

My oldest friend who lives in PA called me to tell me she's pregnant!! She's been married for almost 3 years. I'm so excited for her!!


EXCEPT

She's gonna be due right before my wedding. So she may not be able to make it.
Since we didn't order dresses or anything yet, I'm wondeirng if I should just ask her to come as a guest and do a reading if she can make it... I don't want her to order a dress she probably won't be able to wear... I think she'll understand if I ask her, but I'm gonna think about it for a little bit... right now I just want to be excited for her. I can't believe she's gonna have a baby!!


What would you do in this situation?? She lives 4 hours away so if she has a 2 or 3 week old baby, I can't expect her to leave it for 2 or 3 days... I don't know if I'd be able to do it... Ughhh.....

I think your idea of asking her to come as a guest and /or do a reading is good... I know you want her there but I think it will be stressful for her to do all the BM stuff right after giving birth.

Maybe she called you to tell you hoping you would suggest not being a BM.. I would call her and talk to her about it.

SInce she's not local and everyone else is, I wasn't really expecting her to do more than show up in her dress on the day of, and MAYBE make the rehearsal... but I don't want her to have to worry about my wedding coincinding with the birth of her first baby... she's going to have enough on her mind.

I knew she was gonna do this, aaaaah! LOL.

I just don't want her to think I'm angry and asking her not to participate because I'm upset, cause that's totally not it.

My cousins is preggos and was suppose to be in wedding. She also lives like 4 hrs away and we found out right before we ordered dresses. She actually told me before it was confirmed b/c i was annoying her about dress!!! We both decided to just have her as a guest (shes due a few weeks after wedding but last baby was on bed rest)

Talk to her- see what she says!! Yay for a baby though

Jamie, I am in the exact same situation. One of my best friends was going to be a BM, but she just found out she is pregnant, due in August and already has a 1 1/2 year old.
I suggested to her that she might want to reconsider being in the wedding party, and not that I do not want her in it, because I really do but I know it will be wayy to much to be in a wedding all day with a newborn and a 2 year old. She happily agreed!!
Thanks for the idea about the reading though, I didn't even think about that.

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Posted by Andrea12785

Pose it more of an option for her, not as a request. Like 'I'd still love for you to be my BM but totally understand if you want to come as a guest and/or do a reading'. Let her make the decision on what she wants to do and don't get upset if she changes her mind last minute.

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Well that's the thing... I'd rather have her change her mind NOW so a) she doesn't have to order and pay for a BM dress and b) I can have someone else fill in and order a dress with everyone else. If she changes her mind last minute then I may as well not say anything and just wait for her to decide what she wants to do, you know? I already told her if she can't come I won't be mad and we'll wait to see when she gets her official due date.

But I will pose it as an option. I just don't want her to be insulted. I don't think she will be cause she's not like that but I still worry.

Thanks girls!

Thanks Jen and Shannon.

That's looking like that's the way it'll go.

I'm so excited to be an 'aunt' again though, I can't wait to smother this baby!!! So excited!

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by Andrea12785

Pose it more of an option for her, not as a request. Like 'I'd still love for you to be my BM but totally understand if you want to come as a guest and/or do a reading'. Let her make the decision on what she wants to do and don't get upset if she changes her mind last minute.

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Well that's the thing... I'd rather have her change her mind NOW so a) she doesn't have to order and pay for a BM dress and b) I can have someone else fill in and order a dress with everyone else. If she changes her mind last minute then I may as well not say anything and just wait for her to decide what she wants to do, you know? I already told her if she can't come I won't be mad and we'll wait to see when she gets her official due date.

But I will pose it as an option. I just don't want her to be insulted. I don't think she will be cause she's not like that but I still worry.

Thanks girls!

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Won't it be weird to 'replace her'? If I was the replacement, I'd wonder why I wasn't good enough to make the first cut (I'd accept regardless bc it is an honor either way). You obviously know your friends/family better than I do, but that's what I'd think.

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Posted by Andrea12785

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by Andrea12785

Pose it more of an option for her, not as a request. Like 'I'd still love for you to be my BM but totally understand if you want to come as a guest and/or do a reading'. Let her make the decision on what she wants to do and don't get upset if she changes her mind last minute.

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Well that's the thing... I'd rather have her change her mind NOW so a) she doesn't have to order and pay for a BM dress and b) I can have someone else fill in and order a dress with everyone else. If she changes her mind last minute then I may as well not say anything and just wait for her to decide what she wants to do, you know? I already told her if she can't come I won't be mad and we'll wait to see when she gets her official due date.

But I will pose it as an option. I just don't want her to be insulted. I don't think she will be cause she's not like that but I still worry.

Thanks girls!

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Won't it be weird to 'replace her'? If I was the replacement, I'd wonder why I wasn't good enough to make the first cut (I'd accept regardless bc it is an honor either way). You obviously know your friends/family better than I do, but that's what I'd think.

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The replacement would be my 16 year old niece. She's doing a reading right now, so I would just witch her to BM. She wasn't originally a BM sbecause a) my friends are closer to me and b) I didn't want to deal with the having to include someone underage in all the other BM stuff... but if I have a reason to make the switch, my niece and my sister won't be insulted.

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Posted by tac30

I would do what you said you are thinking about doing. If she's due right before the wedding and she lives 4 hours away, its most likely she probably won't make it. Ask her to do a reading if she comes so she still feels involved.

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ITA!

I was in the SAME EXACT situation and once i got pricing and such on how much the dress would be with the extra fabric and alternations we both decided it would be best if she just came as a guest.
she can be an honorary BM lol