So I received this email from my friend (and also BM) this morning. She just got engaged about a month ago but IMO, it just sounds like she doesn't want in the BP and she's using it as a way out. What do you girls think?
Her Email: SO, I have been doing a ton of thinking... Of course this is going to be awkward since it's an email and you can't detect my tone, I promise it's my normal! I would have called but I did want to chat as soon as possible.
Now that I have my venue finalized, I am getting everything into place. That goes for my wedding party, as well. I want to include you in the party, but I know, especially now, the extra financial responsibility that it is going to be. Since I booked my place and saw the responsibility I signed up for, as well, I was thinking that being in your wedding is just one more event that I am accountable for. As much as I want to be in the party that day and as much I'd like for you to be in mine, do you think that we should just be guests instead? I did a lot of thinking last night while doing our budget. I also I don't want you to stress out with your bills and your own wedding (enough stress as it is!) to have to worry about mine. I'd obviously still like to be a part of the bachelorette party and you as mine (duh). What do you think?
My Response:
Hi,
Honestly, when I asked you, it was because I wanted you to be in it. As far as financial expenses are concerned, I don’t expect anyone to attend the bachelorette party (especially if finances are tight or they have other obligations), nor do they have to contribute to the shower (b/c my mom is paying for that). All the girls are responsible for is their dress, hair and makeup on the day of. If you feel that is too much of a financial obligation, then of course I understand, as you need to do what’s best for you. As far as your WP is concerned, I’d of course be honored if you asked me to be a part of it and I would of course understand if you just wanted me to attend as a guest. I do have over a year to save for it so financially it’s not a big deal for me.
Thanks for taking things into consideration.
She still hasn't responded btw....
midnight26
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
it sounds like she just wants to save up for her own wedding now....your response was perfect, and well worded. i hope she responds soon!!
Jill52787
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
I feel the second email she sent was much more honest.
SeptemberBride2012
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Just my opinion on reading the posts: I think that she is probably overwhelmed with everything wedding right now that she just got engaged and may be freaking out that she is not going to have enough money to have the wedding of her dreams if she is a bridesmaid in your wedding. She probably is not realizing that she has enough time to save up the money that it would cost her to be a part of your big day. She probably thought it would be easier to say that to you through email but I honestly think if you guys are close enough to put each other in each others bridal parties that she should have picked up the phone and called you - I think it is sort of poor taste to say a message like that through email instead of over the phone. And if it was me and one of my closest friends couldn't tell me something like that over the phone and sent it through email it really would make me question the friendship.
aef3333
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by mara1017
I think your email is perfect!
It looks like she is trying to back out and she was hoping that you would take the bait and make it easy for her and agree with her.
I think what you said is perfect. It makes her have to come out and tell you that she does not want to be in the bridal party and doesn't let her off easy!
Wow I agree with Mara. It definitely seems like she's backing out. Very odd but I think what you wrote back was perfect.
roblisa09
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by SeptemberBride2012
Just my opinion on reading the posts: I think that she is probably overwhelmed with everything wedding right now that she just got engaged and may be freaking out that she is not going to have enough money to have the wedding of her dreams if she is a bridesmaid in your wedding. She probably is not realizing that she has enough time to save up the money that it would cost her to be a part of your big day. She probably thought it would be easier to say that to you through email but I honestly think if you guys are close enough to put each other in each others bridal parties that she should have picked up the phone and called you - I think it is sort of poor taste to say a message like that through email instead of over the phone. And if it was me and one of my closest friends couldn't tell me something like that over the phone and sent it through email it really would make me question the friendship.
ITA!!!!!!!! Something like this would definitely make me question the whole friendship.....
Bride in 2012
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by SeptemberBride2012
Just my opinion on reading the posts: I think that she is probably overwhelmed with everything wedding right now that she just got engaged and may be freaking out that she is not going to have enough money to have the wedding of her dreams if she is a bridesmaid in your wedding. She probably is not realizing that she has enough time to save up the money that it would cost her to be a part of your big day. She probably thought it would be easier to say that to you through email but I honestly think if you guys are close enough to put each other in each others bridal parties that she should have picked up the phone and called you - I think it is sort of poor taste to say a message like that through email instead of over the phone. And if it was me and one of my closest friends couldn't tell me something like that over the phone and sent it through email it really would make me question the friendship.
ITA with this. I know if it were the other way around I would have called or addressed it in person. Her and her FH are paying for a majority of their wedding so I think she's stressing out about how they're going to be able to pay for everything.
courtneydemarco12
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by EmilyandPeter
Posted by mara1017
I think your email is perfect!
It looks like she is trying to back out and she was hoping that you would take the bait and make it easy for her and agree with her.
I think what you said is perfect. It makes her have to come out and tell you that she does not want to be in the bridal party and doesn't let her off easy!
This!
i agree
bella_bride
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
I'm not really sure 100% what she is trying to get across to you but I feel like she never actually asked you to be in her BP because she assumed you wouldn't want to be in her BP if she pulled out of yours?!?
Do you think this is her strange way of letting you know you're not in her BP? I don't know... don't take it to heart. There are so many other things to worry about... and you still have time to ask another girl in her place (if you think you should) if not you can always have 1 girl walk down with 2 guys.
GL!
Bride in 2012
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by bella_bride
I'm not really sure 100% what she is trying to get across to you but I feel like she never actually asked you to be in her BP because she assumed you wouldn't want to be in her BP if she pulled out of yours?!?
Do you think this is her strange way of letting you know you're not in her BP? I don't know... don't take it to heart. There are so many other things to worry about... and you still have time to ask another girl in her place (if you think you should) if not you can always have 1 girl walk down with 2 guys.
GL!
She never asked me to be in her BP so it was like she was telling me to say no before she even asked me?
I don't know what to think but I def. have more important things to worry about.
FutureMrsCat050412
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
well email too sounds like you are both going to make it work by being in the BP? Right?
Bride in 2012
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Posted by FutureMrsCat050412
well email too sounds like you are both going to make it work by being in the BP? Right?
I was never even asked to be in hers yet though. Today was the first I ever heard of it. From what she's saying now, it seems like she's ok with it but I wouldn't be surprised if she drops out again...
FutureMrsCat050412
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
It sounded like she just asked you now...
How do you feel about her not being in it? Would you rather her just drop out now, or have her possibly drop out later. If I was okay with her not being in the bridal party I was just tell her now to just not worry about it & you'll find someone else. In a nice way of course...lol That didn't come out very nice! haha
Bride in 2012
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by FutureMrsCat050412
It sounded like she just asked you now...
How do you feel about her not being in it? Would you rather her just drop out now, or have her possibly drop out later. If I was okay with her not being in the bridal party I was just tell her now to just not worry about it & you'll find someone else. In a nice way of course...lol That didn't come out very nice! haha
I told her to do what's best for her and left it at that.
bella_bride
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by FutureMrsCat050412
It sounded like she just asked you now...
How do you feel about her not being in it? Would you rather her just drop out now, or have her possibly drop out later. If I was okay with her not being in the bridal party I was just tell her now to just not worry about it & you'll find someone else. In a nice way of course...lol That didn't come out very nice! haha
I told her to do what's best for her and left it at that.
But that still leaves you with questioning if you are in her BP, right? Hmmm... do you even want to be in hers at this point?
VCanizalez
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
.Crashing ... Doesnt sounds like she wants to be in it... Plus she hasnt officially ask U...
You know what, I would just adv, WAIT... you got PLENTY OF TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was a BIG mistake I did at the beggining, I choose my X bridal party bc they were my 'closest friends' and now, my Bridal party is totally differnte from the one I originally had choose bc of different dramas...
You gort PLENTY of time to Decide what u want to do wiht her...
But by the sounds of it, She will drop out from ur wedding....
StephanieJoy
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by mara1017
I think your email is perfect!
It looks like she is trying to back out and she was hoping that you would take the bait and make it easy for her and agree with her.
I think what you said is perfect. It makes her have to come out and tell you that she does not want to be in the bridal party and doesn't let her off easy!
agreee agree agree
ainadal
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
Posted by Bride in 2012
Posted by FutureMrsCat050412
It sounded like she just asked you now...
How do you feel about her not being in it? Would you rather her just drop out now, or have her possibly drop out later. If I was okay with her not being in the bridal party I was just tell her now to just not worry about it & you'll find someone else. In a nice way of course...lol That didn't come out very nice! haha
I told her to do what's best for her and left it at that.
Jeez...I can certainly understand why she'd be stressed about money and everything but I think she's making it to be more of an issue than it really is...I hope everything works out for you without damaging your friendship!
linda_art
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
My first thought is to commend you for not reacting to such an informal email about something so special to you! (Her first email was so disconnected.) My next thought is to tell you not to personalize this. The email you wrote back was great.
You may never know what the real issue is, it's all her stuff and how she's coping with it. Personally i'd fear down the line that as her planning got busier and she was spending more, and more, that she'd re-evaluate her finances again and realize she really can't afford it. People tend to be very selfish. I guess you have to ask yourself how important it is to you.
I'd be hurt, but is it something you can let go of and attend each others weddings and move on and stay friends? Sometimes my expectations of others, even as small as they are gets me really upset and the other person is barely effected at all.
So, I feel if it was me, I'd go with what's in my heart. Did you just expect her to be apart of your day or would you truly be heartbroken if she wasn't in your bridal party. People come and go, if she's unable to be there the way you would like her to, the way she originally said she would, maybe it's best she not be involved.
Like someone else wrote, it's an honor to be in your bridal party and share one of the most important days of your life with you and your FH, but if she can't right now, then maybe it just isn't meant to be.
GL. Lotsa hugs!!! Hope it works out.
KrisCharl
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Re: BM possibly dropping out of BP (LONG)
crashing..
sorry but your 2012 bride EMILYANDPETER and I are best friends. I would NEVER want to get married without her by my side, I don't care how much it costs. She got engaged 6 weeks after me, and it was never even a thought about the money. My mom and her mom are also paying for our showers, so the only added expense is the dress, hair and makeup. Honestly, a real friend would save the extra few hundred bucks to be there.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but rather now than later
