BM problem

BM problem

I really don't know what to do with one of my Bm's. She is much older than i and i know she having a hard time dealing with the fact that i am getting married...fine. Well she was a dear friend of mine and i still thought it was only proper to ask her to be a BM.
But the girl has had 0 interest in the wedding. She came once out of five times to go see dresses...never askes me about any planning...and basically has started backing off the friendship completely. Now... i am trying to be an understanding person but i think that she isn't being a friend or a Bm. I don't want to be a Bridezilla and demand her attention but it is getting VERY hurtful.
I have talked to her about this and she agreed that she will be a 'better' friend but that lasted a week. I am tired of talking about this topic with her and a part of me is getting angry as well. but the saddest part is that this isn't just that i am losing a BM I feel i am losing a friend too
Help girls what do you think i should do?

Re: BM problem

I would keep the bigger picture in mind and think about your long-term friendship. Have another honest talk with her and tell her you are hurt and wish she would particpate in the joy of your wedding. Tell her that you are so happy and excited about your marriage and that her friendship will always mean a lot to you and that you hope she will become a part of the life of both you and your FH. Lay it all out and then if she doesn't respond with joy for you, I would tell her you are hurt and the warm feelings you once had about her particpating in your wedding are no longer there. That you do not want to burden her or make yourself miserable so it would bebest for you both if she stepped down from her BM role.

Good luck, this is tough.

Re: BM problem

Re: BM problem

Believe me I know exactly what you are going through because I am having the same exact problem with one of my BM. We met through work and she was so into planning my wedding with me until...I got the ring. Now she has mood swings and if I say something about th eplanning she tells me thats not what you do, you need to do this. ( and it always is the worng thing she wants me to do) I think she is tryig to get me freaked out for some reason. It really bothered me that she did this complete 360 but i thought about it and decided its not worth my stressing over, ya know. SOme people just have a hard time being hapy for others. If she was a good friend she should be able to see how much she is hurting you. I dont think you would be 'bridzilla' for demanding attention. You only doing what needs to be done. abe she is trying to push you to the point where you tell her you dont want her as a bridesmaid anymore. Im sorry you have to go through this and I hope it all orks out for you!

Re: BM problem

Re: BM problem

Re: BM problem

Wow, this is a tough one. One of my BM's is like that too. I try not to think about it. Im just going to do the same as sept2004. I just ask that she be at the wedding with the dress on and that's it. She can be involved as little or as much as she wants tobe, but I will not force her or beg her. Plus you have more than one BM, so lean on those that want to be there for you.

Re: BM problem

Why not flat out ask her if she wants to be part of it, or not? Tell her you understand if she wants to back out, and to be honest with you. Save yourself more problems later.

Re: BM problem

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Posted by MrHostility

Why not flat out ask her if she wants to be part of it, or not? Tell her you understand if she wants to back out, and to be honest with you. Save yourself more problems later.

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I think this is what i am going to do. See i think i need a little more than someone just showing up. The girls that i picked to be in my BP are very special to me. All of whom have been there for me in soo many ways. I just don't feel right having someone right next to these people who could careless. I am trying to understand and be patient with her feelings but come on...the few times she calls she talks about herself (job, loser boyfriend) and expects me to listen and give advise. But i hang up the phone each time and realize not once did she ask how i was or how things are going.

Thanks for the advise ladies and gents

Re: BM problem

Re: BM problem

well she was my BF up till now and yes she does live very close. It is not that she has to come with me to do things..But the girl doesn't call to ask how things are going? There is a difference. I didn't want to really go into all the details but like i said above the times she does call me now she demands my attention to her daily problems without ever mentioning anything about how things are going for me. This girl wanted and pretty much demanded that she be a 2nd maid of honor. And i agreed when i first got engaged because i thought it was important to her. But since she has lost complete interest. I have been going with my other friends and BM shopping was difficult and going 5x i don't think was much overall, but to go 1x and never ask about it again...i dunno thats pretty lame to me

Re: BM problem

does she see you outside of dress shopping?..
maybe she became jealous of you?(happens to alot of brides on here)..and thats why shes not participating? or is the dress a financial burden now?.. i think if it were me i would level with her, and maybe tell her that im frustrated with the situation, and would rather remain friends instead of runing it over her absense

hugs to you, its a tough position to be in

Re: BM problem

Re: BM problem

Re: BM problem

I would let it go to be honest. Just as long as you have faith she will show up at the wedding and get the dress and everything then she is intitiled to what ever feelings of interest or disinterest she has. She might have things going on in her life too. our wedding is most important to us not the rest of the world. ?She might come around at a later date. JMO

Re: BM problem

thanks everyone