BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

beautyq115 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 06:51 PM

BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Have a little problem with my cousin.....

...My cousin F told me on Christmas that she wasn't going to be able to be in my wedding party due to financial reasons (she has 2 kids and is married) and I think is also having marital difficulties...So I was very very upset because I was in her wedding when I was in college and had no money...I really wanted to be in the her wedding and my mother footed the bill even though she was in the middle of her divorce... BUT got over it and asked another one of my cousins.

So I talked to my cousin F today and she made it sound like she might be able to be in it....BUT I thought she said no on Christmas!! And I already asked someone else...but she my cousin F doesn't know that.

What the hell do I do?? I am NOT telling my other cousin she is out...actually she is a much better choice and was beyond excited when I asked her.

I am also afraid if my cousinF now decides that she is in...will eventually drop out.

Please offer any advice...thanks girls!

Sorry so long...its a complex story

kissy27 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 08:04 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

I would just tell cousin F that after your conversation at Christmas, you had the impression that she was not going to be able to be in the BP...Tell her you were upset but knew it was something she could not do...You went ahead & asked someone else...

Have her do a reading or something else at the wedding so she is not completely left out of the wedding if she still feels she is in the BP!

gNi1125 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 08:06 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Just explain to her that you already asked someone else. She should understand that considering she didn't accept at Christmas.

beautyq115 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 08:57 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

I mean she was talking like she never gave me a definite answer but I feel that she did...and so does the rest of my family who she announced it infront of BTW!

She did it in such a way that pissed me and my mother and my grandma off...I don;t even want to her to do a reading

beautyq115 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 08:58 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

BTW thanks for the advice girls

Dom n Nic Posted: Jan 24, 2005 09:02 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Posted by beautyq115

Have a little problem with my cousin.....

...My cousin F told me on Christmas that she wasn't going to be able to be in my wedding party due to financial reasons (she has 2 kids and is married) and I think is also having marital difficulties...So I was very very upset because I was in her wedding when I was in college and had no money...I really wanted to be in the her wedding and my mother footed the bill even though she was in the middle of her divorce... BUT got over it and asked another one of my cousins.

So I talked to my cousin F today and she made it sound like she might be able to be in it....BUT I thought she said no on Christmas!! And I already asked someone else...but she my cousin F doesn't know that.

What the hell do I do?? I am NOT telling my other cousin she is out...actually she is a much better choice and was beyond excited when I asked her.

I am also afraid if my cousinF now decides that she is in...will eventually drop out.

Please offer any advice...thanks girls!

Sorry so long...its a complex story

well if anything comes up
i would tell cuz f
look as from what i understood at x-mas
it was that you could not be in the bp because of money issues.. and you had to ask someone else.
she should have never come out and said anything to you unless she was 100 % sure she was not going to be it

beautyq115 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 09:06 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Exactly!! I mean she gave this whole explanation about money, and asking her husband;s permission!!!! Don't even get me started on that aspect of this situation

I can't deal with this crap..and I know if I have her in my wedding...she will back out down the road...

salsbride06 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 09:52 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

i would just explain to her that due to the conversation that you had on christmas, you udertood that she would not be able to and knowing that you need to fill the position, you asked someone else. just explain that it isnt anything personal.

Kim51103 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 10:01 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Ditto!!
I would explain to her that she said she would not be able to...and after some time..u got to understanding and asked someone else, and you can not go back on asking them.

nypdgirl Posted: Jan 24, 2005 10:01 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

After F said 'No' i dont blame you for asking someone else. I mean you have to make your wedding plans. I would be honest & tell cousin F that since she already said no you asked someone else. She is gonna have to understand & plus you need someone that you can depend on for wedding plans......Good luck!

cmastro25 Posted: Jan 24, 2005 11:32 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Honestly, she announced it in from of your whole family, that is an obvious decline of your invitation to be in your party. You had to fill a space so you asked someone else who said yes. She lost her spot. Just explain nicely that you understand her predicament but that you have already asked someone else.

beautyq115 Posted: Jan 25, 2005 04:53 AM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Thanks Ladies

nicpizzo Posted: Jan 25, 2005 03:28 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

Posted by kissy27

I would just tell cousin F that after your conversation at Christmas, you had the impression that she was not going to be able to be in the BP...Tell her you were upset but knew it was something she could not do...You went ahead & asked someone else...

Have her do a reading or something else at the wedding so she is not completely left out of the wedding if she still feels she is in the BP!

I completely agree. Better to be upfront and honest, IMO.

leese Posted: Jan 25, 2005 03:30 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

I think it's not as difficult as you feel (probably because it's you and not ME in this situation).

But she told you she couldn't, you said, that stinks but ok. You asked someone else, they said yes. Now she is HINTING but hasn't come out and said anything....

I'd wait till she says outright, I can be in it and then tell her, sorry, I picked so and so...

Preshy7 Posted: Jan 25, 2005 04:57 PM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

cant you have them both in the bp?

beautyq115 Posted: Jan 26, 2005 10:38 AM

Re: BM problem (also on BHB) but I really need help girls!!

I just feel now its the principle! SHe went into this whole thing at Christmas about her financial situation...blah blah blah. How her husbands nieces are getting married too.

My mother was hurt by this whole song and dance because she put out A LOT of money for me to be in my cousins wedding.

There are many variables that are at work here in this decision. There are many strained family relationships here that its just too long to get into. If we were really really close I would have her and my other cousin but I am just pissed that first it was no and now its maybe....WELL WHICH IS IT????