BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Brief history...
My hs friend and I have grown apart. When I went to college things started changing. She is married and has a baby and has since gotten new friends from her husband. The catch is that her husband is my FH's friend too. As a matter of fact, all their friends know us. However, when BM and her husband hang out w/ the others we are never invited. Fine by me since I don't really care to hang out with them anyway. No big deal. Since I have been engaged she has NEVER asked about the wedding plans, the eparty plans. Nothing. I had asked her to contact one of these friends for the videographer she used b/c she got this amazing deal... 3 times I asked her and she never called me to tell me who it was so I went on my own.

And when I finally approached her on the fact we have grown apart, she says well it started when you went to college. That was 4 yrs ago!!! Obviously it didn't bother her then!! We were supposed to talk about this situation (us growing apart) b/c I was furious as FH was when a bunch of people went out for her husband's birthday and they never called us to tell us the plans. I was called by her 2 weeks prior and never heard since. The WORST part of that story is that THEY saw us going into FH's house and didn't say one word to us. As if they didn't even know who we were! I e-mailed her and we set up a day to meet at her place to discuss everything. I get there and one of her friend's is there! She stayed there for so long we ended up going out with the men and we never got to talk.

I sent some of my friends the std magnet sample I received, she included, and she sends me junk mail!!! I am really at ends with her. Its to the point I don't want her in the BP anymore. Yet she sends me junk mail all the time but no e-mail to say Hi Wanda how are you and FH? I have sent her e-mails asking her how things are going on with her family. Her story is always, I am so busy at work and her social life is busy too... US not included in that.
FH says to tell her that we need to talk again. WHY should I? I tried once and instead of her telling her friend, Wanda is coming by and we need to talk, she lets her stay there for over 2 hours!

Sorry for the long vent... I feel inside I should take her out of the BP. Problem is that FH also has asked her husband. So I am stuck either way! UGH!!! And if I want her out, how do I tell her? I think e-mail is enough since we don't see or speak to each other much. I am the one always doing the contacting and making the effort.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

It seems to me that this is a one-sided friendship, with only YOU making any effort.

I honestly would tell her that you really need people in your bridal party that you can count on.
Tell her you would not be offended it she feels that this is too much for her to handle and she needs to bow out.

Talk to your FH about this as he already asked her husband to be in the wedding. A bit of an awkward situation, but if you are tactful it can work itself out.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Maybe your old friend is jealous. You could ask her if she still is interested in being in the bridal party because you don't see her much or talk to her much.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Why don't you have FH speak to her hubby and ask him..

What is her problem..

Don't stress it.. She isn't worth it!!!!

from me!

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

If email is not successful and neither is the phone and when you make plans she always has someone there. You should just show up at her house. If she is your friend, she should welcome you! I really suggest that you talk this over with her. It's just going to make the rest of your planning miserable. Good luck!

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Seems like a one sided friendship to me... I would ask her to drop from the bridal party, and let FH deal with her hubby

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Wanda, I dont want to sound harsh when I say, kick her to the curb !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just get all wound up when I hear these types of stories, why cant she be supportive !!!!
I would definitely ask her to step down, she has made it quite obvious what kind of friend she is. I'm not saying to disown her as a friend, you definitely need to talk your problems out, but someone who is so unsupportive, and your barely speak to anymore has no place in your Bridal Party. That should be reserved for friends/family who care and mean more than junk email.

Once again, I say I dont mean to be harsh, but just want you to get it.

Hope I helped and didnt make you angrier

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

I think you should talk to her. I personally did not want anybody in my bridal party that was not close to me. Whats going to happen when you start making plans to look at dresses and stuff?

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Kathy that is what I keep thinking. When I need her to do somethings with me she will be nowhere to be found!

I don't know who it was that said she may be jealous. Sometimes I think she is. Out of all our hs friends, I am the normal one. She got pregnant and then got married during her pregnancy. I know they love each other but she had a rush wedding b/c her mother forced her to hurry up and get married. Here is one of her oldest friend's getting married with all the bells and whistles and she will never have that.

Liz you did not make me angrier. I am glad to see others see my point of view and I am not being silly about this. I needed this talk b/c I can't go to anyone else on this. FH wants me to give her a second chance. I don't have the patience to do it. Somehow I knew I would tell her to bow out of the BP. Inside I always knew. And I thought about her and how she woud feel if I didn't include her in it. Yet she hasn't thought about me...

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Why is she in your BP in the first place?
Tell her that you are obviously not close anymore and you want her to be a guest, but not a member of your BP.
Honestly I wouldn't even keep in touch with her. It is sad when a friendship ends, and maybe someday you will be close again BUT not all friends are meant to be life-long friends. Move on from this friendship.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

If you guys are not close anymore, why did you ask her to be in your bridal party? I would take her out. If she throws a fit have her hand out programs or something.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

It's so sad that it sometimes takes a situation like a wedding to bring out someone's true colors.
I'm sorry to hear that yes, she is jealous, and she can't simply be a 'friend' to you. This is not just your BP though. If you choose to keep her and not speak to her about it, your planning will be less than joyous! She doesn't sound like the type of person who will be there for you now, what type of person is she going to be when you REALLY need her! I say, ask her to remove herself. She'll feel awful that you don't want her, but that's her problem at this point!

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

I had the same similar situation...I asked My BP and my 'BEST FRIEND' to by in my wedding I did not hear from her for 6 MONTHS!!! I was just saying she is busy, etc... So finally she wrote me a letter and said how sorry she was how she NEVER left the city to come out and see me..yadda yadda yadda....So boy i let her have it... and Sorry to say I never heard from her again.. I got married with my real friends in my wedding at thats that...

I would just tell her that you don't feel that she is a good enough friend to stand up for you at your wedding..It is terrible that they are doing this to you and your FH...

Good luck

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

I really don't think you need her in your BP then. You only want people in your BP that is close and there for you. Def talk to her and take her out; tell her how you feel about anything. It seems that she probably won't even care anyways. Those in your BP should be happy for you and want to be there for you.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

One thing everyone on this board needs to remeber is that weddings bring out the worst in some people.

With that said, attempt to talk to her. In that conversation, give her a chance to step down. If she still wants to be in your BP, let her know what you expect from her.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

I agree with latina Wanda

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

Wanda, I think you should explain to your fi that you have tried numerous time to try to resurrect the situation - however, it is evident that she just doesn't want to fix things.
Definitely kick her @ss to the curb and get another bm, if not - just have 1 bm walk down w/2guys.
I would definitely not put up w/that crap!
Good luck and keep us posted!

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

I agree with everyone else - she seems to have no place in your life now so she certainly shouldn't be a member of your BP. It's beyond what happens down the line when you need help with wedding stuff - she doesn't even take 2 seconds to type a HI on her junk emails.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

I was thinking during lunch about this. The reasons I included her in the BP are 1. I didn't want her feelings to be hurt if I didn't and 2. I was in her BP. I know its for all the wrong reasons! I opened my mouth without thinking and blurted it out.
I spoke to FH on what I posted and he said either way if you want her out or not, you have to tell her face to face. Its your decision. He knows how much this has frustrated me. I have to come up with the right words to tell her my feelings.

Re: BM problem need advice--I am MAD!!!

I agree this is a face-to-face discussion. Call her tonight tell her that you NEED to speak asap. If she cancels again then you know for sure what she thinks of your friendship.