BM problems and wedding is in 25 days!

OK, this is very long. I have been friends with these two girls since third grade. Over the years, we have grown apart a little, but I felt that I should ask them to be in my party. I went back and forth on it for months deciding on asking them. Also, I felt bad because I was in one of their parties.

So one of them was pregnant when I was going to ask her. I asked her and had a long conversation with her that if she felt umcomfortable or felt that she could not be a BM that I would totally understand. She was due about 2 months before my wedding. She said she was fine with it. Over the last year, she never called and asked if I needed help or anything about the wedding.

I had my shower in September and she was not there. She claims that she was nervous about driving since it was about 45 minutes from her house. So I was very upset that she was not there. She did not even call me the night of the shower. She waited until a week and a half later and then called. I was so mad.

She had the baby and I went over and above with a gift and calling her to see if she needed anything.

This past weekend was my bachlorette party and she did not even get back to my maid of honor about coming. (I didn't expect her to come, but she should have at least called and said she was not coming.) Once again, she did not call me last night to see how the party was.

I am at the end of my line with her. I am so mad and a part of me does not want her in my wedding party anymore.

What can I do/say to her about my feelings? Part of me wants to just leave it alone and deal, but the other part doesn't.

I feel that after the wedding, we will probably not talk too much anyway. I have lived in Westchester for 4 years now and she has yet to come up here. I always have to go to her.

Sorry this is long. I was upset, but now I am mad and angry.

There is another story about a second bridesmaid that I will also post about.

wow...thats kinda tough. In a way, you should consider the fact that throughout your engagement,she's been pregnant and has had the baby,so she has had a lot to do in her own life..BUT that does not excuse her not coming to the shower, or not calling after the bachelorette party. Its as if she's too busy,but being inconsiderate to you.
I'm sure she's already got her BM dress, but I think i'd call her just to see how she is and express your concern to her that you are upset that she hasnt called or come to things that she really should've been part of. Maybe ask her if she thinks its too much for her to even be in the wedding party (which it shouldn't) ... or, if you dont think you'll be seeing her much after the wedding, maybe bring it up to her then-after the wedding...and tell her that you were hurt by what she did-or didnt' do. at that point, what do you have to lose??

Good luck!

If I were you, I would try very hard not to let this bother you. I mean the truth of the matter is what's done is done. Was it wrong of her to go about this the way she has.. YES!!

Enjoy everything else right now. You are getting married and what an awesome thing that is. Think of that first dance with you and your husband. It's such a great feeling. There are too many good things going on to waste time worrying about this. Later on, perhaps, if you are still upset, you could let her know how she made you feel. Who knows, maybe she has her own reasons why she handled things the way she did.

Good luck!

Could you call and act very concerned, and say that since she didn't call you, you were worried about HER? I don't mean to say this is proper behavior on her part, but some women do have very severe post-partum issues. They get depressed, they are physically exhausted from not sleeping during the first months, and many don't want to see or be around people. Again, like the other girls, I'm so sorry it came at this time so close to your wedding, but just maybe she's really not doing well. As for the shower, it is very understandable that she was not allowed to drive 45 min., but not to call is something else. Only she can explain that one. Maybe you can also suggest that if she's not up to being in the wedding, she can let you know. But do you have any one who could buy her dress and take her place? You can't expect her to just dump the dress after dishing out money.
All the best.

Hi-
Sorry you have to deal with this. If I were you I would think about whether or not you really want this person to take sucha BIG part in your day? 45 minute drive to a shower and she doenst show up. I am sorry but I would NEVER not go to a freinds shower for a reason like that. Fine your nervous ask someone to take the drive iwth you. I would take a stinking cab before I would miss a friends party. As fae as the bachelorette party goes, a phone call is not to much to ask. This girl does not want to be bothered.

This may sound harsh but I would call her and tell her how you feel and let her know that you do not want her in your bridal party and why. This may ruin your frienship but IMO it doesnt really sound like you have one now.

Again sorry and hoep it all works out for the best.

I think the one thing you learn when you have a wedding is: who your REAL friends are.

I would call this woman and ask her if there is anything wrong. Explain that you are concerned about her. After that, tell her that it hurt you that she couldn't think of you ahead of her needs and that it would be better if she weren't in your bridal party.

Trust me, you do not want people in your wedding pictures that will not play an important role in your life. Your bridal party should be your supporters, not cause you aggravation, days before your big day.

My 2 cents.