BM Problems!UGH!

This past weekend I took 2 of my BM to the store to look at the dress that I picked out. We are not going to order the dress until this winter becuase it takes 5 months to come in. Well, on top of one of my BM bringing her mom to the store , my mom died almost 9 yrs ago and my dad last year, I was mildly upset, but went with the flow of things... I was happy my FMIL was with me as well as FH. She told me how is she going to know what size to order in case she is pregnant at my wedding.The salesgirl told her to go up 2 sizes. Everything was fine and now, she says what if I am not pregnant the alterations are going to cost a lot more becuase it will be 2 sizes bigger. I am so upset, I was in her wedding while in grad school mind you and paid 250.00 for the gown, 50.00 for shoes, got her a bridal shower gift as well as a nice wedding present.(cash). I did not give her a hard time at all. I did whatever was expected of me, am I being selfish here or am I being way too sensitive? I never wanted to be a neurotic bride, but I am so upset about this. She also keeps trying to tell me I have plenty of time to do this stuff. Well, it is not easy with no parents and when you are doing this on your own, I am trying to be organozed here and I feel like she is pulling me back! HELP!

Re: BM Problems!UGH!

Hi Cecil,

I can relate to how you feel with not having your parents. I also lost both of my parents.. Mom in '96 and dad in '00.

Do not stress about the alterations for her. Is she expecting you to pay for them if she is not pregnant??
I don't think you are being senitive, but I really don't think it's worth the stress that it's causing you.

She accepted the HONOR of being a part of your wedding. She should know what that means, especially because she has had her own wedding!!

Try and stay positive. Remember that your parents are alway's with you.

Re: BM Problems!UGH!

Sorry for being dense but what is the problem? It is that she is complaining about the cost or that she doesn't want to be a BM anymore?

I think its rude if she is complaining but she probably is only speaking without thinking first.

As far as her mom coming, maybe she brought her mom BECAUSE you didn't have your mom with you as a nice gesture.

Re: BM Problems!UGH!

the problem is that she is trying to tell me when to order dresses and also that it is going to cost her more money for more extensive alterations. Becuase she might be pregnant, I told her she can bow out of the wedding and I would understand and she was like no I am going to be in your wedding.I would not had minded if she warned me her mom was going to be there but there she was talking about her grandchildren etc. When I do not even have a mom anymore. I hope this clarifies the situation more.

Re: BM Problems!UGH!

I think when a bride's mom is passed away, many other 'moms' want to help because they feel like you might want a 'mom' there. Maybe you need to tell your friends that while you appreciate their Moms helping but you would rather only your FMIL go to these places. And that having other people's mothers go just makes you feel worse.

In regards to your BM: Is she telling you that she would rather not be in the bridal party? You cannot be responsible for her alterations because she MIGHT be pregnant. She should order the dress her regular size. If she needs to have a panel added because she is blessed during the wedding than that is fine, if not her alterations will not be any extra. But that is her responsiblity not yours.

Re: BM Problems!UGH!

I think the only problem she would have is if her dress needed to have panels added, that would be extra, not with alterations to a dress 2 sizes too big. My girls ordered dresses larger too (because the thought that they might be pregnant) and they were not charged more. Is there a cap on alterations?

Re: BM Problems!UGH!

Maybe you can talk to the lady in the bridal store and tell her that one of your BM's is trying to get pregnant. Maybe she will say that the dresses can be ordered 3 months before so the size won't change much if she is pregnant.
As far as the girl bringing her mom to the bridal shop, I think her intentions were to make you feel better. If you are all going to get together again, gently tell her that it will just be the girls. I'm sorry she made you sad. I'm sure she meant well.