So I'm trying to get my BMs to get their measurements taken so that we can order the dresses within the next few weeks. I sent out an email to all the girls about 3 weeks ago, asking them to try to get their measurements taken by 12/31.
Long story short, all of the girls have responded in one way or another, whether it be by actually sending the measurements, or by at least acknowledging the email and saying that they would get them taken shortly thereafter the 'deadline', except for one.
This is the BM that I was having the dilemma with in the past, and as expected, she's really being the only one causing grief or being difficult. She never responds to the emails, and I know that she checks them and reads them, because when I ask her about it she'll then immediately respond.
Clearly something needs to change, and fast. My other BM (the only other friend I have in the BP that's not a family member), is furious, and wants me to throw her out of the bridal party, but they have their own issues anyways and I think that's a little rash, at least at this point.
Is anyone having a similar issue with a member of their BP, or advice as to how to handle this? I try emailing and IMing her, and when I spoke to her in person she talked the talk and said she would be involved, but now isn't following through. She's been my friend for years, but it's going to cause a lot of problems if she holds up the other girls now, and if she won't cooperate with this, who's to say she won't for anything else?
Reesy
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
It doesn't look as if she is interested in being in your wedding at all....I would kick her out the BP before the date gets closer and it gets worse.....you can even ask her if she still wants to be a BM and if not, this could be her out, just let her know you're not upset, she's still a good friend but you feel like she hasn't shown any interest.....Good Luck!
Soon2BMrsC09
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
Just talk to her and explain that you are so happy that she is a BM in your wedding - but you have a 'deadline' to have all of the measurements in because ... 'the dress is being discontinued' and it is something that needs to be done by X date. period. end of sentence. Although it kind of beats around the bush, it will be a problem avoided. Maybe you can pull her aside after the dress is ordered and there isnt a 'problem' ahead per sey and just explain to her that you feel she may not have enough time to dedicate to be a BM and you dont want to take away from her or be a burden. I would take the emphasis of her being a rude BM and put it on myself, that you dont want to ask too much from her. who knows - maybe shes having difficulties in her personal life?
coldasice217
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
Well, her personal life is kind of crep-y, I do feel bad for her because her parents aren't in the best health, and she doesn't have an ideal professional life...but she's a miserable person, and she really almost TRIES to make things difficult and have people get fed up with her just so she can mope around like see nobody likes me. My other friend/BM is just really pissed off right now because she's causing all this stress, and is like if she wasn't such an elitist pr*ck then maybe people would actually be able to get along with her. It's just a messy situation, and I feel no matter how hard we try, she's just going to fight cooperation tooth and nail because she doesn't 'believe' in weddings.
gina409
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
she does not seem intrested at all so i would give her ONE email and ONE phone call stating in if u do not hear from her in the next 7 days u have to let her go.u can say i know u r a busy girls but if u could just let me know u r getting the message maybe we can set something up..u have to put ur foot down cause i feel like she will do this to u over and over and its just not worth it.someone in ur bp should be there for u and if they cannot handle what is expected then u should have neevr said yes in the first place..good luck ali and keep us updated
elysemichelle
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
Posted by Reesy
It doesn't look as if she is interested in being in your wedding at all....I would kick her out the BP before the date gets closer and it gets worse.....you can even ask her if she still wants to be a BM and if not, this could be her out, just let her know you're not upset, she's still a good friend but you feel like she hasn't shown any interest.....Good Luck!
ITA, and if shes not receptive to you, or you dont want to deal with the drama, ask a diff BM if she would sit her down and talk to her and just find out whats going on. If not just talk to her, if shes really as good of a friend as she should be she will be receptive.
coldasice217
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
Posted by elysemichelle
Posted by Reesy
It doesn't look as if she is interested in being in your wedding at all....I would kick her out the BP before the date gets closer and it gets worse.....you can even ask her if she still wants to be a BM and if not, this could be her out, just let her know you're not upset, she's still a good friend but you feel like she hasn't shown any interest.....Good Luck!
ITA, and if shes not receptive to you, or you dont want to deal with the drama, ask a diff BM if she would sit her down and talk to her and just find out whats going on. If not just talk to her, if shes really as good of a friend as she should be she will be receptive.
I wish I could have someone else talk to her...I don't know if I can though. My sisters barely know her, and my cousin and FSIL don't know her at all. The only other person who theoretically could talk to her is my friend, but they haven't been on speaking terms with each other for a good 4-5 years now since early college, mainly because of her attitude and the way she treats people. Ugh what a mess.
LizLos126
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
Posted by Reesy
It doesn't look as if she is interested in being in your wedding at all....I would kick her out the BP before the date gets closer and it gets worse.....you can even ask her if she still wants to be a BM and if not, this could be her out, just let her know you're not upset, she's still a good friend but you feel like she hasn't shown any interest.....Good Luck!
I agree. I don't know about kicking her out because it's hard to do and might ruin your friendship but you could definately ask her if she still wants to be a BM...like say something like you were wondering if she is having second thoughts because she hasn't gotten back to you... but in a nice way that shows you would be ok with it but just want to know so you can move foward with your planning. Good Luck!
megsher
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
Honestly you don't need this stress, ask your MOH to put some pressure on her.
I know you said they aren't close, but that's even better b/c MOH can just act like it's part of her job to ,make sure all dresses are ordered.
coldasice217
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
Thanks for the input...
I just sent out an email to everyone telling them that a few of us had planned to go visit the dress in a store in a few weeks, and that if anyone wanted to come, they were more than welcome, and that if they could have their measurements done by then that would be ideal. I also added as the last line to please confirm receipt of the email and let me know if they can or cannot make it, because I'm not sure if my last email was actually received by all.
I figured I'd go the subtle route first and call her out without calling her out by name...my friend said it was too nice lol. If she still doesn't respond to this, then I know I have to take stronger action.
endlesslove116
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
i think we all have at least that one BM from hell, well some of us do! i guess this is common, lol! i have mine and i cant stand it so i know how you are feeling. i am not yet where you're at cause i have not started ordering or doing anything serious with them yet but around feb we will so i will see how my bm from hell acts! but she is going to be difficult also because she already is acting that way with me and always has something to say about my wedding ideas and planning and its never anything nice! shes a very jealous person and i cant stand her but there is nothing i can do because she happens to be FH sister in law (his brothers wife) and we cant kick her out or else itll start a whole family drama and i am not going there especially for my wedding, no way! so i am sucking it up and dealing with it! and i will have my sister in law (MOH) handle her, haha! :) best of luck with your BM and i hope everything works out! but i think you should sit down with her and tell her if she still wants to be in the bridal party she needs to start showing you that she does and act like a bm should, she should be there for you and make it easy for you, not harder!
MrsKtoBe
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Question
I think you are handling it like a classy lady I cant talk bc I gave the girls a size chart and told them to write me a check and ordered them all at once. (i know, hellooo bridezilla) but it sure saved me a headache. I'm doing the same thing with the shoes.
