BM VENT

So after being engaged for over 5 months - FH and I decided to bring the bridal and grooms party together for the very first time to meet up. It was a last minute event. Everyone except for ONE BM gave me an issue about it.


And she commented saying - Can't go cause it's 'Family Day' (i.e. sleep-in till 12, run errands with mommy and daddy). I'm thinking WTH??? She says she can't do Sundays. It's not really a valid reason, one of my MOH has work Saturdays, the other MOH leaves upstate so it'll be hard for her to commute down to the city.

The troublesome BM lives only 10-15 mins from. I mean I'm not a difficult bride but atleast try to come or ask your parents if you can come out. I mean we're 25, we're not children anymore! Oh did I mention she doesn't like to compromise. She likes things done her way but I keeping saying to myself IT'S MY WEDDING, NOT HERS. What does she think she is???

The next meet up is April. So she better come. I'm going to make it on a Sunday again, just to mess with her. If she's not there - I'm getting rid of her...You think I'm too hard??? Any ideas, comments? Thanks for reading. Oh I feel a little better now.

Hi!
I'm sure it's pretty annoying to have someone who's uncooperative in your wedding, but at the same time I think it might be a little unnecessary to intentionally plan the meeting on a Sunday just to mess with her. I think that's taking it too far.
Instead of testing her to see if she is going to cooperate just ask her if she's still interested in being a part of your wedding. If she says yes, then ask her to be helpful if not, let her go on her merry way and move on. No one needs added unnecessary stress when planning what's supposed to be the happiest day of their life.
Also, if she is really your friend and close to you she will do the things you need without giving you a hard time and vice-versa. Also, she may be a little bitter that you're getting married and she isn't. Just keep that in mind, but don't say it to her. If that's the case you definitely don't need someone like that around you at this time in your life. Weigh your options, but be gentle and kind, not bridezillaish. Good luck!

If she's already told you that Sundays aren't good, why would you put her in that situation where she basically can't win???

Sounds like you're looking for a reason to kick her out.

We didn't do any bridal party get togethers, not even one. I don't mean this to sound mean, but I have been in a number of weddings, and I probably wouldn't want to have to go to get togethers for the bridal party. It's such a commitment to be in a wedding, especially for women - the showers, bachelorettes, etc.

If you want her out, definitely kick her out, but just think of what you are asking of your friends.

Just my opinion.

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Posted by Curious George

Hi!
I'm sure it's pretty annoying to have someone who's uncooperative in your wedding, but at the same time I think it might be a little unnecessary to intentionally plan the meeting on a Sunday just to mess with her. I think that's taking it too far.
Instead of testing her to see if she is going to cooperate just ask her if she's still interested in being a part of your wedding. If she says yes, then ask her to be helpful if not, let her go on her merry way and move on. No one needs added unnecessary stress when planning what's supposed to be the happiest day of their life.
Also, if she is really your friend and close to you she will do the things you need without giving you a hard time and vice-versa. Also, she may be a little bitter that you're getting married and she isn't. Just keep that in mind, but don't say it to her. If that's the case you definitely don't need someone like that around you at this time in your life. Weigh your options, but be gentle and kind, not bridezillaish. Good luck!

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Well - majority of the bridal party is available on Sundays and it's hard to get my MOHs during the week and on Saturdays - I felt it was more important to have my MOHs there rather than the BM that has been giving me issues. I mean I asked each and every person on my bridal party - don't just accept right away to be in my bridal party if you don't have the funds or the time. There's just other things that bugs me about her. I felt I was guilted in picking her, since she declared me her BFF which I don't consider her as my BFF. It's just a lota Girl Drama. I mean with trying the dresses she was giving me a lot of hesitation about the dresses. I mean I haven't been too demanding. FH and I planned and done most of the wedding stuff. It's just very minor stuff we need our bridal party to help. I just see it as - if you're in my bridal party you should atleast make an effort to help out, if not why get the status? Makes sense?

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Posted by AngnShaun

i agree, doing it on a sunday again just to spite her isnt really helping... thats just going to cause more drama...

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yea i understand thanks - but the rest of the bridal party is free Sunday, the other days are harder for some to get to. I wanted to just PLEASE everyone but I kinda realize that's never gona happen...

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Posted by Lsorrent

If she's already told you that Sundays aren't good, why would you put her in that situation where she basically can't win???

Sounds like you're looking for a reason to kick her out.

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LOL - well I guess my issue is she's not making an effort - since she hung out with her bf on a 'Family Day - Sunday'. So, I assumed if she is a true friend, she'll make an effort to atleast try to ask her parents. I mean give me a break - everyone dragged themselves up and came to my place at 930am in the freezing cold last week, one lives in Westchester and one slept over the night before since he lives atleast an hour away. They didn't complain. I just don't see the logic in her not making an effort to wake up early to come out for atleast an hour and then do her 'FAMILY' stuff she usually does at 12pm. Does that make sense?

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Posted by Tracey1979

We didn't do any bridal party get togethers, not even one. I don't mean this to sound mean, but I have been in a number of weddings, and I probably wouldn't want to have to go to get togethers for the bridal party. It's such a commitment to be in a wedding, especially for women - the showers, bachelorettes, etc.

If you want her out, definitely kick her out, but just think of what you are asking of your friends.

Just my opinion.

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FH and I wanted to atleast get them together since FH's brother has left for training for the navy and than going to Afghanistan. So we didn't want the bride/groom party to be strangers the day of the wedding. And we wanted to catch everyone up to speed on everything we've done and what we need help and ideas/inputs on, without repeating our thoughts to each and everyone over and over again. We wanted to talk about it once and have everyone give them their inputs and comments without repeating it to everyone. Well I'm basically the first of the BMs to get married so majority are not part of a bridal party or wedding. I mean if you're part of the bridal party it's kind of given that your support is needed if the bride needs you. I don't think I'm asking a lot. The next time I wanted to meet was in April to put together the invites. I don't need to meet up every week.

How old is this person that she has to ask her parents if she can go see a friend on a random Sunday afternoon?

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

How old is this person that she has to ask her parents if she can go see a friend on a random Sunday afternoon?

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She's 25, an only child. (NO offense to only child's) She's just kinda inconsiderate to other people. She likes to do things her way.

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Posted by weirdo168

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

How old is this person that she has to ask her parents if she can go see a friend on a random Sunday afternoon?

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She's 25, an only child. (NO offense to only child's) She's just kinda inconsiderate to other people. She likes to do things her way.

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Then I think now's about the time where you need to decide whether to ask her to step down or not.

If an informal gathering of the BP is an issue with her mommy and daddy time now, think about how much of an issue this will be down the line when shopping for dresses, your shower, your bach party, etc.

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

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Posted by weirdo168

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

How old is this person that she has to ask her parents if she can go see a friend on a random Sunday afternoon?

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She's 25, an only child. (NO offense to only child's) She's just kinda inconsiderate to other people. She likes to do things her way.

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Then I think now's about the time where you need to decide whether to ask her to step down or not.

If an informal gathering of the BP is an issue with her mommy and daddy time now, think about how much of an issue this will be down the line when shopping for dresses, your shower, your bach party, etc.

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I like your thinking-well the dress shopping is done. I felt like I was guilted in choosing her since she told me she considered me her only BFF and that if she were to get married she'll ask me to be her MOH and she'll have trouble finding her BMs since she's not really close to any other females...
Well the point is she NEVER asked them. That's what upsets me.

I say kick her a$$ out!! If she's not family then to hell with her!!
I dont think you want her in your party so just get rid of her! Less drama, less stress!!

JMO!!

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Posted by Noelsgirl

I say kick her a$$ out!! If she's not family then to hell with her!!
I dont think you want her in your party so just get rid of her! Less drama, less stress!!

JMO!!

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LOL - the other brides that commented don't think that would be nice. I told this to one of my BMs she said I'm too nice and I should be more assertive since it's MY WEDDING. I don't want to make any issues but it seems like this girl is stressing me out. Why can't everyone just get along?

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Posted by Noelsgirl

She's probably jealous too!!

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She has too many issues with her BF, since she listens too much to her mom's ideals that the guy should make more than her and she shouldn't marry someone who can't afford to take care of you. Also, if they go on vacation she wants him to pay for her share of the trip or they can't go at all. So...you get the idea...

I think you're being too hard on her also...

It's nice to have everyone meet but people have their own lives...I don't think it's a indication that she is going to be difficult...

Tell her about the date in April now so she has time to plan for it

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

How old is this person that she has to ask her parents if she can go see a friend on a random Sunday afternoon?

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lol-my thoughts exactly.