BM vent!

So I chose my sister (who is stationed in Germany), cousin (who now lived in SC) and 3 of my lifetime friends to be my bridemaids. It just seems like since we've been engaged and planning this wedding, they have all disappeared except for my sister! We're 4 months away, as of tomorrow, and they haven't began to plan the bridal shower or even discuss a bachelorette party! I totally get that everyone has their own lives but I'm getting married and I feel like this should be a bigger deal to them! My cousin texted me today with some lame excuse about why she can only come home in June for the wedding! And I got a similar excuse for our engagement party!! I don't understand what is going on but we don't talk like we used to and we don't hang out! My FH has planned everything with me so I didn't need them to do anything big with me. All I'm asking for is support,to seem interested and to be excited for me!! I'm so done and needed to vent! Anyone else experiencing this??

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had an issue with my MOH actually similar to this. She seemed to have an excuse for everything, that I flat out told her that she shouldn't have said yes if she can't even be there for me prior to the wedding. I think I scared her into shape.

I'm lucky that my mom is throwing me my shower and I'm picking the date... so I plan on doing my bach party the same weekend since I have a lot of out of town guests (including 2 BMs). I may be too involved in that aspect, but I want to make sure the dates work for everyone so one weekend is just easier so everyone I want there can be there.

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

Ugh i'm so sorry you're going through this!! BM drama is very upsetting and in my opinion unnecessary. There are so many things brides stress over, her girlfriends shouldnt be one of them.

It's funny, I'm having minor BM issues that are similar to yours. My furthest BM lives in Hawaii and she's actually the only one who's ordered her dress and one of the few keeping up with emails between the ladies. GO FIGURE. I was pretty relaxed about them ordering dresses since Davids Bridal has always been really speedy with the dresses ive ordered but now im starting to get nervous that only 1 out of 8 has gotten it done. Ugh. I knew i should have only done one BM!

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

It's awful!! It's like you feel the need to plan your own shower! They def need to get moving places book really fast. I know mine still isn't planned and I'm nervous being less then 6 months out.

I booked my sisters a few months ago tell them it's really easy most places have info on their websites, prices and all. Is your mom helping I the planning? Maybe she can get them in gear

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

Sorry you're going through this! I'm going through the same thing...wondering why certain BM's have become so distant these last few months, and I am no way being a bridezilla so i know it cant be me! lol

We have to try not to focus on the negatives. Focus on how lucky you are that you're FH has been so hands on with the wedding, and how great your sister has been.

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

Maybe they did plan your shower and bachelorette party and their trying to surprise you...I like to see the positive. People are weird...weddings brings out the worst in some people. My BFF of 25 years stopped talking to me right after I got engaged because she met a guy and I was like really I have been through your marriage, children and divorce and this is what you do to me! Ughh some people suck!! But everything always works out

Re: BM vent!

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Posted by Vilardi82

It's awful!! It's like you feel the need to plan your own shower! They def need to get moving places book really fast. I know mine still isn't planned and I'm nervous being less then 6 months out.

I booked my sisters a few months ago tell them it's really easy most places have info on their websites, prices and all. Is your mom helping I the planning? Maybe she can get them in gear

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My mom is now taking the reins! She said that she'll plan it and give them jobs like invites and decorations. This way they're still involved but we're not depending on them. I haven't been anyone's BM before but I feel like I would be so much more interested and involved! Sooo annoying

Re: BM vent!

I guess that this is a normal thing for brides to go through because you really never know what you're going to get when picking your BM. You just figure that everyone will make the experience better and not worse!

I guess they think that they'll be more helpful at my next wedding

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

I feel your pain! I've been having some BM drama but it's mainly more of the MOB. The communication is seriously lacking and behind the scenes I've heard people are not getting along. Big events like weddings bring out the best and worst in people

Re: BM vent!

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Posted by ajunebride14

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Posted by Vilardi82

It's awful!! It's like you feel the need to plan your own shower! They def need to get moving places book really fast. I know mine still isn't planned and I'm nervous being less then 6 months out.

I booked my sisters a few months ago tell them it's really easy most places have info on their websites, prices and all. Is your mom helping I the planning? Maybe she can get them in gear

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My mom is now taking the reins! She said that she'll plan it and give them jobs like invites and decorations. This way they're still involved but we're not depending on them. I haven't been anyone's BM before but I feel like I would be so much more interested and involved! Sooo annoying

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Good you def def need a delegator that should get everyone on gear. Maybe no one knew were to start : lol

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

I understand totally... first of all, I moved to NC this year so really I am the one that is far away. But still, my sister just had a baby, one of my best friends is a single mom, and FH's sisters don't really care-- they support and go through the motions but there is no excitement. And here I sit, assembling 105 invitations myself. It just doesn't feel right!

My advice is to not expect it anymore. Make your FH your go-to person for excitement. If you feel like telling your girls some wedding news-- tell them and enjoy any positivity they send your way. You have to set yourself up to not be disappointed, because that is not how you want to remember your wedding.

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I really don't understand how some people think...like if this was happening to them, would they like it?? My bridesmaids are pretty quiet, and rarely communicate with me...not really sure how I like that, but maybe that means they are planning damn good events for us! LOL

Like other girls said, weddings bring out the worst in people. I just had my MOH tell me she's moving to NC in a month, and doesn't have a job there,....how do you plan on coming back for the wedding and all of The events, it's sooooo expensive!

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

So far there hasn't been any bridal party drama just yet, but there's still a little over 4 months to go. Then again, both my FW and I are control freaks and really don't like to depend on outsiders much – even though we trust our girls whole heartedly, but I also hate being a burden. Both my Maid and Matron of Honor yelled at us (again) this week for planning our Bridal Shower and Bachelorette. My Matron called me OCD. But I was a part of her bridal party and that was a mess!! She had family members and friends of over 10 years in her bridal party that were total disappointments, so I'm not taking any chances with my wedding. Just take this time to realize and appreciate that from here on out, it’s you and your FH against the world!

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

I feel so lucky that my bridal party has been amazing. But I have been in bridal parties that were awful. Twice, I wasn't even in the bridal party and had to plan (or at least help A LOT) the bachelorette party because people weren't willing to do what the bride wants or spend money. It's unfortunate that people forget that this is a special time, they shouldn't be ruining it for the bride. It's a happy time. I hope they are trying to seriously surprise you :)

Re: BM vent!

Omg, I thought I was the only one who has these issues!!! I’ve been so upset at my party lately: when I got engaged – everyone wanted to be in the party – girls literally were asking me – can I be your BM? Then they got upset that I didn’t take them dress shopping – I just went with my mom to Pronovias to check out the dresses and the 5th dress I tried on – it was it. I heard so many comments – how come I didn’t take them – it could be fun and etc…
As the date comes closer the issues I have been dealing with:
- My sister (who is having her own wedding in July in Italy) got pregnant and the due date on my wedding day. Since she lives in London – she is not coming. She has been demanding all the family attention on her about everything
- My BMs – instead of helping, they started to make all the comments about what can I get them – hair, hotel rooms….
- One of them got engaged to another girl and wants me to have fiancé in my party. I have absolutely nothing against gay people but these 2 like to put on the show to make others uncomfortable – and on top of this – they decided to have the wedding in June during the week, so we all have to take off from work.
- Dresses – forget about it, they all want what they want (style & Color)
- My Fiancé bought beautiful black pearl sets when he was in India on a business trip
- Forget about Bridal shower – my fiancé’s sister in law is throwing it for me (my parents live abroad)
So, now I am just thinking to NOT have any BMs – what’s the point? It was 0 help, more stress and silly requests. I’ve been a BM once and I went above and beyond for my friend (she lives in Spain now and can’t do much for me) but I just don’t get it – they were begging me to be in the party but now – everyone just disappeared. I’ve been going to school at night - part-time MBA + work + wedding planning and it has been 0 help from the girls and people who I haven’t thought would even bother to help were my main support and crying shoulders.

Do you think it’s bad if I just tell the girl that they are all out (except 1)?

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

This is partly why I wanted a small bridal party. It's my sister and 2 closest friends. The biggest issue is the dress, the three of them are all completely different body types, so nobody was happy when we went dress shopping. I loved one dress and my bm announced it was the worst dress she had tried on all day! I know my mom and my sister will plan the shower, I don't think it's been done yet, but my mom has been out of the country for the last 2 months and coming home next week.

BM vent! - Long Island Weddings

This is super sad to read. I am sooooo glad that I haven't experienced any of this. They are always calling me asking me what's next and I am like later.......LOL!