I have a BM- she has been my best friend since we were 13. Well she had a fling with this guy a year ago. It ended a few months later and they have been friends and hung out in groups ever since. My FH has become friends with him and the guy calls my FH at least once a week to hang out. He is FH only single guy friend. Sometimes we go out in a group- sometimes it is just them. He is still friends with some other mutual friends.
Now she has a very serious boyfriend who she will be engaged to in the next few months. (they met about 4 months ago) Her new boyfriend and my FH are good friends.
Last weekend she asked me not to invite the former fling b/c her current BF will be uncomfortable. (Personally I think it is her that will be uncomfortable). I told her that is FH's guest and that I will relay her feeligns to him, but it is his decision. I have to respect FH's guest list. She said OK. I told FH and he said he needs to think about it.
Today she asks me if we are inviting him. I told her that FH said he needs to think about it. We haven't even ordered invites yet!!! She tells me today that she is disappointed that he needs to think about it considering the things her current BF does for him (Like when his car broke down, her BF went and picked him up and drove him home). I explained the FH is very pensive adn thinks about everything, but hasn' t begun thinking about this yet because we haven't done our final list.
She is driving me nuts!!!
Thanks for letting me vent!
Ang&Rich
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
Sometimes it seems like it just wouldn't be a weddign without someone driving us crazy!
I think you made the right decision to give FH the final say since it is his invite.
kel2004
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
I think she should get over it. If she is as serious with the new BF as she says she is, then it shouldn't be a problem.
Karacg
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
I think it is HER problem.,... don't let her make it yours. Is the ex supposed to be her escort?? Are you only having 6 guests?? Well then (I assume the answers are no), there is no reason she even has to know he is there. My best friend married an ex boyfriend's best friend. There is no WAY I would have asked her not to invite him. She should respect your wishes -- when she has her wedding, she can invite shoever she wants.
tracyg
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
really!!
sit them at different tables... it's YOUR day, not hers!! this day isn't about her, she needs to deal with it for ONE DAY!!
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
OMG! Do NOT cave to that. If your FH is really friends with this guy, thre's no way that someoen else should dictate whether or not you can invite him. Think about how he's gonna feel if he's not invited? WHat your frineds BF does for you and FH has NO bearing on this othr guy and whether or not he should be invited. NONE. Make your own decisions, and tell your friend to get over it! At her wedding she ahs every right to not invite him. Also, I mean she's only been dating this guy4 months, why should he dictate your guest list? And if it's your frined who is uncomfortable she should at least be straight up with you about it.
shelly3950
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
I am trying to be sensitive, but this is the only guest list conflict I have. It is true that FH and the former fling are casual friends, but I still don't think what she is asking me is fair. The thing is, we have been friends so long- I want to respect her wishes, but not at the cost of my FH's feelings.
FLaCaTaCa
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
She has the problem and she needs to deal with it not you and FH. She needs to decide whether she and her new BF can deal with it for a night for you guys. It should not even be a thought in your FH's head and poor you for having to deal with this.
I do understand that it is going to be uncomfortable but it is not up to you to cater to everyone....this is one of those times when what you say goes!!! Don't sink and not invite him...it is not fair to him besides to you and FH.
Some people got some set of BaLL$ it is amazing to me!
AJsMommy122
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
Posted by tracyg
really!!
sit them at different tables... it's YOUR day, not hers!! this day isn't about her, she needs to deal with it for ONE DAY!!
Exactly!! I think I remember you saying your having a pretty big wedding right? sit them on opposite sides and tell her to shut up!
nferrandi
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
Unless you're wedding is going to be really small, as long as they're at different tables, they won't even have to deal with each other. I totally understand that you're trying to be considerate to your friend, but ultimately, she's not be very considerate to you. I think you're FH should do whatever he's comfortable with and your friend will just have to deal with it.
shelly3950
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
You're all right- its just such a sticky situation. If she brings it up again, I will tell her that my FH will talk to her BF and see if they can't come up with a compromise. I'm sure her BF will have no problem. He is such an easygoing guy and he has met the former fling before. We were all together on New Years. If we decide to invite the guy, I will give them plenty of notice and tell her its our wedding and we considered his feelings, but thought that inviting him was the right thing to do for us. If she has issues with that, i'm sorry, but this is what is best for us. This is our wedding and that is what we need to think about.
dm24angel
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!
I Think you should invite him, she will 9 if shes a true friend) get over it once teh wedding starts and she realizes that it is YOUR DAY...not hers...really doesnt seem like a big deal to me, she sounds like my BM ( same things, friends sicne 13..etc) who both need to grow up a little.... MY BM got mad and is still upset that our reception site is where her BF was married in the past ( 12 years ago!!!) and I have NEVER met him... I feel for ya!
shelly3950
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent!- UPDATED
Ok- so I saw BM on Saturday at a friend's boyfriend's b-day. I was a little cold to her, but nothing major because I didn't want to ruin our other friend's party.
It turns out the guys is plannign a trip out of town for the week of our wedding anyway and has offered his place to my FH's family who is flying in from Israel.
So today she sends me like 3 e-mails, the most recent asking me to do something tonight. We usually e-mail back and forth, like IMing during the day since we both work at computers a lot of the tiem. This whole things has been bothering me so much, so I told her what I was feeling. I had planned to do this over the phone, but she kept e- mailing me so I told her how I felt on e-mail.
I told her that the former fling probably wasn't coming but we are inviting him. I also told her that I was bothered that she was comparing my FH's friendship with the guy to her current BF, since she does not know how close FH is to her former fling now. I explained that FH would not be comfortable if we did not invite this guy and that was more important than her boyfriend feeling uncomfortable. I told her we loved them both and it is working out but she should have let things go after she told me how he felt. I also told her my FH will be calling ehr boyfriend to explain everything. I also told her I that I need her to help make my life easier and not to stress me out more and explained how much this has stressed me out. I thought I left things on a good note saying 'am not mad and I am glad everything is working out- but I had to tell you how I felt. It has been bothering me since Friday, but I didn’t want to get into it on Saturday when we all went out. I understand where you are coming from, but you have to see where I am coming from too. I just wanted to be honest. I hope that everything is OK between us.' I read the e-mail to my FH and he said it sounds very nice and isn't mean or nasty or anything like that.
Well its been like an hour and I haven't heard back from her. It is definitely possible she hasn't checked her e-mail, but not likely. I am going nuts here!! I hate e-mail and should have known better, but our last convo on this topic was over e-mail. I am so stressed out. I hate these kinds of conflicts.
Needed to vent! Thanks girls!!
Kriss2c
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent! Updated!
I think you worded it well.
MrsBrad
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent! Updated!
I am sorry to hear that, but she needs to realize that if he is FH friend than its not
Oops, didnt see your update. I think that was the mature thing to do ... GOOD LUCK!
nferrandi
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent! Updated!
She may be annoyed right now. Just give her a little time and I'm sure she'll understand where you're coming from and everything will be fine.
nylibride
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent! Updated!
Good luck! Sounds like you're getting lots of sound advice. I think it's a bit unfair of her to attempt to ask you who to invite or rather not invite to *your* wedding.
Bebalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent! Updated!
did she write back yet?
shelly3950
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent! Updated!
No! I know that by now she got the e-mail. I went out to lunch expecting an e-mail when I got back and nothing. She is a teacher and doesn't have a phone in her classroom. I am trying not to totally bug out- but its hard!!!
I hate fighting with friends. We have had maybe 2 fights in the last 15 years! It causes me so much anxiety.
kim425
Posted:
Member since
Re: BM Vent! Updated!
i'm sorry to hear that! girls can be so silly sometimes. You totally didn't come off rude to your friend. you were honest to her.....you should be able to tell her your feelings.
