BM's are acting RIDICULOUS! VERY LONG VENT...read if you have nothing better to do....

Hey ladies,
Sorry this is so long, I have a way of making my stories too long and drawn out, but this is how I vent, so please forgive my long-windedness.

I am posting this on here because I am very hurt by events that occured this past weekend and need a little positive encouragement....
Right before Thanksgiving, I got a phone call from the bridal salon that my BM dresses were in and to come in my BM's this past Saturday to make sure they were all the right sizes and colors. This woman, however, screwed up and didn't make an appointment for me.
Now, a bit of background:
1 of my BM's lives in Lindenhurst and the other 2 live in Massapequa (the other 3 are in Florida and couldnt make it for obvious reasons) I used to live in Massapequa and since moving to Kings Park about 6 yrs ago, 2 of the 3 Bm's have been to my house ONCE! Every time I hang out with them, I have to drive to Massapequa! Even though I have invited them to hang out numerous times (always have some kind of excuse and can never give me a definite answer until the day of when they decide not to drive out)
The bridal salon is in Patchogue. If my 2 BM's can't even drive to Kings Park, can you IMAGINE the hassle for them to drive to Patchogue?
WELL....we get to the salon after haggling about who is driving who and picking up who...(one of my BM's who is my Matron of Honor,has a 10 month old baby and is afraid to drive even without the baby) The salon wouldnt let us try on the dresses or see them without an appointment, even though the woman on the phone didn't say I needed one!
I knew that they would talk about it with each other after we left the salon....one of my other friends, who is not a BM but hangs out with our group of friends and met us for lunch Saturday after the salon incident, called me last night to tell me that the other 2 BM's made this HUGE issue out of it!
They were saying 'I don't know why she's making us drive all the way out there NOW when the wedding isnt until September, and she better not expect us to drive out there any time SOON!' the other one said 'I am SOO MAD at Denise! She told me I have to stop being afraid to come drive out to Kings Park. Doesn't she know I have a baby?' HELLO...the baby is 10 months old and I have been living in Suffolk for 6 YEARS and she has been to my house ONCE! This is my MATRON OF HONOR! She was bitching that she 'had to go through SO MUCH TROUBLE to find a babysitter for the baby' My friend who isnt a BM said 'well, who ended up watching her?' My MOH says 'my husband was home so I made him watch the baby. He doesn't like being home alone with the baby AND the dog because it's too much for him and I had no choice but to leave her home with him since no one else was around' HELLO! This BABYSITTER she was referring to is her HUSBAND! He can't watch his own daughter AND the dog??? He was mad because he was watching the football game and had to watch the baby instead!
My friends then say that I am the minority since the 2 of them live in Nassau and I should not expect them to come out to me to hang out since they are the majority!
OMG! They said I am mean because once I got upset that they cancelled on me (again) and I called one of them and told them that I haven't received a phone call in 2 months and that we were drifting apart and that I miss her and wish she would come over more often. She told everyone I was jealous b/c my MOH made her the baby's godmother and not me (I was my Matron of Honors MOH in her wedding)
I just feel like they really don't even care about me that much. All this because I asked them to drive to Patchogue to try on the BM dresses to make sure they are not 5 sizes too large or 10 inches too short! I even offered to drive them if they met me half way in Kings park, but they refused...then go and talk bad about me to other people?????!!!????
Am I a bridezilla because I asked them to meet me at the bridal salon to make sure their dresses were the right size and color? How am I supposed to get them to go there for fittings??? I don't know what to do now. I feel like everything I say is wrong. I try and tell them how I feel and I am being mean. They honestly believe that they are right and I am wrong and should not expect them to drive out to me. That,to me, is ridiculous. It's only 20 minutes from them!!!! A true friendship involves a little give and a little take. Just because I live in Suffolk county doesn't make it any easier for me to drive out there all the time.....I wish I could kick them out of the wedding, but that would cause so much drama and get my other mutual friends caught in the middle, and I can't deal with that right now....

sorry so long....it just helps me clear my mind....

I dont think you are wrong at all.
Someone told me when I got engaged that for some reason weddings bring out peoples true colors. Either the best of them or the worst. and unfortunatly it seems to have brought out the worst in your bms.

Well I am not the best advice giver nor do I know these people personally but they sound selfish to me. You are not a bridezilla AT ALL!!!


Maybe next time you need to go to the salon just throw out a couple of tentative dates to them, way in advance and let them choose what is the best date for them. I cant believe they complain about driving though! Thats just ridiculous. I think if people agree to be in a bridal party they should realize that there will be some inconveniences and tasks that need to be done. DUH! People never cease to amaze me.

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

I dont think you are wrong at all.
Someone told me when I got engaged that for some reasons weddings bring out peoples true colors. Either the best of them or the worse. and unfortunatly it seems to have brought out the worst in your bms.

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ditto on this...u really learn who your friends are thru the wedding process....sorry to hear your going thru this.....

i have found that weddings & funerals brings
out the STRANGE things in friends & family

Hang In...

You are not being BRIDEZILLA at all. These people are so selfish! I mean really Massapequa to Kings Park is not bad at all. I hope they never have a job where they drive 2 hours a day to get there and back. Sorry they are acting this way

No, I don't think you are being Bridezillaish at all. Of course once the dresses come in you would want to check and make sure they are the right size and color. That way if there was a problem it could be handled right away.

My only bridesmaid lives in NJ, and I am going to her house when we finally go dress shopping because I don't want to inconvenience her. But she has offered numerous times to come to LI to do dress shopping or anything else I need help with.

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Posted by KimberlyBride

You are not being BRIDEZILLA at all. These people are so selfish! I mean really Massapequa to Kings Park is not bad at all. I hope they never have a job where they drive 2 hours a day to get there and back. Sorry they are acting this way

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The funny thing about this is, one of these 2 girls (not the MOH with the baby) WORKS in Queens and drives to Huntington all the time to be with her BOYFRIEND...I live like 10 mins down the road! The previous boyfriend lived in Brooklyn and she used to drive there every day too!

First of all - Kings Park is NOT that far from Massapequa ! It's not like you're asking them to drive to Boston for God's sake ! What is it? A 1/2 hour drive at the most ??
They have no excuse for not showing up @ your place more often. - What ? She can't put a 10 month old in a car seat ??
The only thing I can think of, and I'm not saying they're right to give you a hard time, But I would probably be thinking WHY do I have to do this whole dress thing almost a whole year before the wedding ? - When you're the bride it's all you can think about and everything has to be done and perfect and in order (I know b/c i'm obsessively organized and I want everything done well in advance) But everyone else is not sharing your mindset, they have their own lives going on. -
Personally, I think your 'friends' are a little on the selfish side and don't seem to enthused about this whole process. - Are they married ? Is your wedding bigger? fancier? whatever -than theirs was ? - Maybe they're jealous.
Or maybe they just think it's SO far in advance that they shouldn't have to be running around NOW when they know they'll be obligated to be running around once the summer rolls around and the wedding is only a few months away.........
Go to the bridal salon and check everything out yourself. - Just for your own peace of mind. -You'll know if the gowns are the right color and you'll know if the sizes ORDERED are the sizes you rec'd - and when the time comes that these BMs need crazy alterations, well, they'll just have to suck it up and pay for it ! You've given them every opportunity to check things over themselves.
I'd say sit down and talk to them about it - But I have a feeling you already know where that conversation will go...........

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Posted by Marisa M


Go to the bridal salon and check everything out yourself. - Just for your own peace of mind. -You'll know if the gowns are the right color and you'll know if the sizes ORDERED are the sizes you rec'd - and when the time comes that these BMs need crazy alterations, well, they'll just have to suck it up and pay for it ! You've given them every opportunity to check things over themselves.
I'd say sit down and talk to them about it - But I have a feeling you already know where that conversation will go...........

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Thanks Marisa. The only reason I asked them to come was because the bridal salon told me they have to come....otherwise I wouldnt bother them, trust me. It's not worth the aggravation! But next time I go I am going by myself. It looks like I have no choice if I want to keep my sanity and my temper.....

thanks for all the advice, ladies!

i'm sorry about all that. but on a brighter note.. at least your BM talk to you.

i've been trying to get together with 1 of mine for months now and she keeps breaking plans. another one i've emailed about 5x now, i see that she read the email, yet she doesn't reply. why do people do that?? it doesn't make sense. especially since these 2 are pretty much the 2 who asked ME to be in MY BP. i dont get it.

sorry mini vent there.

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Posted by alibali

i'm sorry about all that. but on a brighter note.. at least your BM talk to you.

i've been trying to get together with 1 of mine for months now and she keeps breaking plans. another one i've emailed about 5x now, i see that she read the email, yet she doesn't reply. why do people do that?? it doesn't make sense. especially since these 2 are pretty much the 2 who asked ME to be in MY BP. i dont get it.

sorry mini vent there.

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I just don't get it.....it's like b/c they did us a favor by saying YES, we owe THEM for everything else. By saying YES, they are agreeing to be there to help...not the other way around! We need them to help US, not add to the stress.......

I completely understand what you're going through. I moved to Westchester (from LI) about 1 1/2 yrs ago, and my BF (also a BM) and other friends have yet to come to see me up here. I always have to go to NYC or LI if I want to hang out with them. Ridiculous! So, I know how you feel-like it's not worth the slightest bit of effort on their part to see you.
As far as the dresses are concerned...you are not a bridezilla. You would think they'd understand-and appreciate it since they paid for the dresses-that you want to make sure what was ordered was what came in. They don't have to have the alterations done yet, but you don't want to get to 3 months before the wedding and all of a sudden, you realize the dresses are the wrong color, size, dress, etc. Then what do you do!?! I think your request was completely reasonable, and does everyone have to get so worked up b/c you made a mistake and wasn't told you need an appt.? I don't know if I feel worse for you or the friend who can't leave her baby home alone with her husband! So sorry you're dealing with this

It's not you Denise- don't worry- unfortunately you start to see everyone's true colors when planning a wedding- I sure have!

You are definetely not a bridezilla. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this mess. But as some of the other brides to be have said, you really see people's true colors when planning a wedding. Sometimes its good and sometimes its bad. In the end, you will know who your true friends are...if you havent figured that out already.

My BM's and I are going shopping this weekend for dresses. I sent out letters a month in advance with dates to give them the powere to decide which date is best for them since I have BM coming from Atlanta, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey. And I am in New York. Everyone agreed and we are meeting Saturday at 1pm. No problems. No fuss. Thats what true friends are about.

Stay strong. Remember, in the end, it is all worth it.

You are not being ridiculous. I can't believe that they made such a big deal over that. My friend moved into the city and I ALWAYS go in there to see her and she never comes out here, so I understand. They should not have been talking about you like that. OMG I can't believe that you made your BM's husband babysit his kid...you are an awful person .

I don't think your out of line by asking them to go to the bridal salon. They're selfish and quite honsetly they don't sound like very good 'friends.' Hang in there- I'd just as soon forget about them, but that's just me. September is around the corner, then it will all be over- now at least you know who your real friends are.