BMs are useless

Sorry- I just need to rant about how useless my bridesmaids are.

I have 7, yes 7, bridesmaids and I have no one to help me with the legwork while FH is still in Florida.

I've been planning their Will You gift packages, but the more I ask them for help, the more I hear NOTHING. I really don't feel like putting so much effort into their gifts now. It seems they just want to be in the wedding to get attention and wear pretty dresses on my wedding day.

Am I asking too much? I just want them to join me on a few appointments now and then. Jeez.

Tell me about it. My MOH can't even keep her promise to go on a few appointments with me. Just because she attended one she thinks she's off the hook. It drives me insane. I need a little help!!! I'm an only child and my parents live in FL...its not easy doing this planning alone with FH working his life away to become an Attending Physician and helps out when he barely has his eyes open .
I don't mind my BM's having their own life, but seriously when it was THEIR time to get married and I was their BM, I was there for them entirely. Running around, helping with favors, appointments, bridal showers, bach parties, you name it. It's like I'm asking for them to come with me to the end of the earth and not return.
FH is totally upset about this because he sees how frustrated I am and how I deserve the decency and respect like I gave them when it was their time to get married. People are F**king selfish.

My sister is my moh , she great but she is also young and away at college, but my best friend of 23 years does nothing for me, my sister and mom told me that they ask her to help with the bridal shower, well from what I know my sister and mother ask her in sept. They haven't hear anything from her. And fine lets say she doesn't have the money to help she can at least say can I help you with the work! If she doesn't help my mom and sister with anything I have no friend and the only reason I say that is because she have done thing for other people who she has only know for 2 or 3 year and treated her like crap and her best friend of 23 years whom she lived with for 8 years because her mother was a bad mom cant even get to call my mom who has done SO much for her just to let her know anything, we grow up together IM her best friend the only friend that ever been there for her, who has never done her wrong in any way. I only get married once this process will never happen again and she cant even be there for me!!

my bm were pretty much useless to.
my moh was the most useless one!

hope it gets better for you!

I'm sorry to hear this, Maybe if you expressed your feelings with them on a one to one basis, you'll find out why they aren't able to help you as much as you would like them too, I;m sure this can be resolved. You chose these women b/c you value them & the relationships you share w/ each of them,

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Posted by Pencils

Am I missing something here? What exactly do you want your bridesmaids to do for you? I understand that right before the wedding there will be a lot of errands that need to be done and we all will need help with those, and they're expected to throw you a bachelorette party and maybe a shower, but what else? Are these your friends and relatives, or your unpaid slaves? Really, I don't understand. Stuffing envelopes? That could be a pleasant evening, you could ask them over to watch a movie, drink some wine, and stuff envelopes. But if they're busy, get over it. Your wedding may consume your life, but it's not the top priority for your attendants. People have lives, it's not all about your wedding. If I choose to do DiY projects, it's my choice, I don't get to command my attendants to help me. I can understand being angry if you helped them and they're now nowhere to be found when you want the same help--if that's so, talk to them about it like an adult. And if they can't do their 'duties' and you think that's an integral part of being a bridesmaid, then fire them. Otherwise, scale back on the 'duties.' After all, your attendants may be fuming that you're demanding that they do wedding stuff in the middle of their finals and holiday shopping. Or whatever. Keep in mind--it's only a party. Only a party. It's not the invasion of Normandy. And it's really not worth ending friendships over.

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jeez...I'm not asking that they spend every moment of their lives consumed with my wedding. My fiance lives far and I've asked them for moral support while I choose vendors. Not exactly something anyone wants to do alone. Your bridesmaid are supposed to form a support network for you when you need help.

I don't ask them to consume hours looking over colors and DIY projects. I just would like SOMEONE once in a while to go with me to an appointment.

Not invade Normandy.

IM not asking anyone to be my slave, but to show some involvement would be nice especially if you have been there for them in everything, I don't ask people to do anything for me but if my ' SO call friend' is not there when I need them the most, I wont say a thing but I will know how my friend really feel about me and i would just stop being there for her. we do do so much for someone and you need them for the frist time and they are not there for you it hurts!! so you dont know what you are talking about

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my ' SO call friend' is not there when I need them the most, I wont say a thing but I will know how my friend really feel about me and i would just stop being there for her. we do do so much for someone and you need them for the frist time and they are not there for you it hurts!! so you dont know what you are talking abou

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I do know what I'm talking about. If your friend isn' t there for you, then ask yourself why that is. Maybe they weren't such good friends in the first place, or maybe you're asking too much.

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I just would like SOMEONE once in a while to go with me to an appointment.

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That's not unreasonable. Why don't you ask them? Say, 'why can't you come with me to an appt??' Maybe they have a good reason--or not. Find out. I feel it's better to talk about it then fume inside. Stress is bad for you, especially for brides. ;) We're supposed to be serene and beautiful, right? Yeah, right, serene. Good luck.

I feel your pain, I had a smallish BP , 1 MOH, 2 BMs, 1 JRBM, 1 FG....

MOH and Fgs mother were the ONLY ones involved. and MOH was planning her wedding at the same time... I was her MOH too... the others were clueless and never offerred help, never asked how I was doing...etc... BUT sometimes I think it was easier...not having too many 'people in the pot' so to speak... less opinions the better sometimes

Well I sent out an e-mail to them all with a list of the appointments I have in the next two weeks. I said in the e-mail that I really need someone to stand-in for John (give me a second opinion) at some of these appointments. I asked them each to look over my list and let me know if there were any they felt they could make it to.

I got ONE response from my sis/MOH.
She's the best. I just feel like all the pressure to help me if lying on her's and my mother's shoulders. If everyone pitched in I wouldn't have to inconvience any one person too much.


The only time I get a response from the girls is when it's time to talk about their dresses. It just makes me feel like they're in the wedding because it sounds like a good time. I mean I want them to have fun, but I was hoping they were involved b/c they cared about me too. I feel like they don't care that I'm getting married but rather they care about being involved in a fun party. Does that make any sense?

I totally understand how you feel. Everything i mention to my bm it always has an excuse. ' I HAVE TRIED THE LETS GET TOGETHER APPROACH FOR A FUN EVENING!! and it didnt work to well either becasue they must know what i wanna do. I am here and willing to go with you for second opinions. it is frustrating. my girls wont even order there dresses and the dress place said no later then end of nov. so now i am hoping it is still possible to order them. i gave them the dealine of this comming wed. we will see if they do it. if not i may have no bridal party. Good luck let me know if you need anything.

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Posted by Eva-and-John 07

Well I sent out an e-mail to them all with a list of the appointments I have in the next two weeks. I said in the e-mail that I really need someone to stand-in for John (give me a second opinion) at some of these appointments. I asked them each to look over my list and let me know if there were any they felt they could make it to.

I got ONE response from my sis/MOH.
She's the best. I just feel like all the pressure to help me if lying on her's and my mother's shoulders. If everyone pitched in I wouldn't have to inconvience any one person too much.


The only time I get a response from the girls is when it's time to talk about their dresses. It just makes me feel like they're in the wedding because it sounds like a good time. I mean I want them to have fun, but I was hoping they were involved b/c they cared about me too. I feel like they don't care that I'm getting married but rather they care about being involved in a fun party. Does that make any sense?

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Is this recent that you sent out the email. Maybe they are not going to appointments because they have alot going on during the holidays. I also dont know your friends so cant say thats the reason. I guess call them and ask them or are you busy on so and so day and see what they say. Hopefully thats what it is, honestly, lately i dont have time for anything because of so much going on, so it can be like that for others.

Also, i would call them instead of sending out emails. Some people dont like that. I have friends who get annoyed that all of us constantly email eachother to set up plans, theyre like *** pick up a phone, whats up with this email communicating.