so, i have a new dilemma. as soem of you know i lost a bm recently. she stepped down due to travel issues (for lack of better expression) she's in hawaii and knew that she wouldn't be here for the big day. so, now i come to find out that a bm, who i thought was living in PA, has moved to FL. to me, ths changes a lot. can she get her for the shower? how involved will she be? fh das nothing has changed and that she will still be here. i'm trying to explain to him that there is more involved then just showing up on the big day. anyone else going through this? how are you handling it?
tia sarah
Goldi1021
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Re: BM's out of state
All of my BP are in state and local and so far, to my knowledge NOTHING has been arranged for a shower and I am getting married in 4 and a half months.. So I think that whether they are instate or not has any relevance. IF they want to be there, they will be there. My nieces who are BMs are only with my brother every other weekend and may not be at the shower either. People do their best. I am sure she wants to be as much of a part of everything as she can. When you are dealing with a lot of people from different places, sometimes, you cannot accommodate everyone.
How am I handling it? Not well. I love my nieces and want them to be there, but this is what it is and NOTHING I can say or do can change it. Keep saying to yourself that sometimes things are beyond your control.
sarahthegreat
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Re: BM's out of state
i agree w/u leslie and see your point. but, in my experience of throwing my sisters shower, i had everyone in the same area. it just made it so much easier.
plus my moh (sister) if something is too hard for her, she just won't do it. so i'm afraid that if she can't reach her, sh either won't involve her, or nothing will be done.
and i'm sure you're shower is being planned, i know that we planned my sisters in about 2 months.
jes81276
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Re: BM's out of state
I have one BM who lives in California...but I would never have not asked her bc she and I have been friends since high school. I know that she may not be able to get here for the shower and that is ok with me. The most important thing for me is that she is able to be a part of my wedding day...if she is unable to participate in other ways then that is ok with me.
Goldi1021
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Re: BM's out of state
Posted by smm2675
and i'm sure you're shower is being planned, i know that we planned my sisters in about 2 months.
They dont have my shower guest list. My MOH is house hunting and my other MOH is in Europe for two weeks. It would be quite a coup if they could get a hold of my list. My sisters are not in the BP so they aren't doing it. I undrestand people are busy. If I haveone, I have one. If I don't, I dont. I guess I am bummin because I went to everyone else's joyfully and now that its my turn, I feel like my BP is very matter of fact about things. Oh well.
Faith
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Re: BM's out of state
I have a matron-of-honor and a bridesmaid out of state. I don't know how it's going to work out but I am expecting the best. I think the ones out of state will probably end up doing more than the ones that are here (just because that's their personalities). I think if you have one main person close-by, who can coordinate everything and fill everyone in, things will turn out just fine. For me, it's my mother and maid-of-honor. I would also understand if either of them weren't able to make it to my shower (assuming I have one) and/or bachelor party.
sarahthegreat
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Re: BM's out of state
Posted by Goldi1021
Posted by smm2675
and i'm sure you're shower is being planned, i know that we planned my sisters in about 2 months.
They dont have my shower guest list. My MOH is house hunting and my other MOH is in Europe for two weeks. It would be quite a coup if they could get a hold of my list. My sisters are not in the BP so they aren't doing it. I undrestand people are busy. If I haveone, I have one. If I don't, I dont. I guess I am bummin because I went to everyone else's joyfully and now that its my turn, I feel like my BP is very matter of fact about things. Oh well.
then just ask. thats what i'd do. and i know how you feel about it. i went way above and beyond for my sister, and i really don't expect her to do much for me
NPTbride
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Re: BM's out of state
All of my bridesmaids live in different states. It is going to be a logistical challenge, but I'm sure we will all figure it out.
Have you talked to your BM who moved to Florida? What does she think?
Goldi1021
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Re: BM's out of state
Posted by smm2675 then just ask. thats what i'd do. and i know how you feel about it. i went way above and beyond for my sister, and i really don't expect her to do much for me
I wish I could but they already think I am obsessive - not a bridezilla, but obsessive. I couldn't have been a better non-wacky bride. Any bride that lets their BP pick their own dresses, shoes, hairstyles and what not would be a dream to me. I suppose I COULD just drop hints or simply e-mail them my guest list but I am afraid they would think I was obnoxious and/or presumptuous. My shower would come right in the middle or just after the winter holidays - it is going to be financially difficult for people. The more I try to do the right thing, the more upset I get and I shouldnt.
sarahthegreat
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Re: BM's out of state
i haven't spoken to her b/c technically she is chris' friend and i want him to speak to her about it. but i did email her on tuesday and haven't heard back. not a bad thing, not even sure if i send it to her correct email address, chris isn't sure if she still uses her aol acct.
and leslie, i hear you. i want to be the complete oppospite of what my sister put me through this year. so, as of right now, i'm not worried about it, just kind of got thrown at me this morning
October Bliss
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Re: BM's out of state
Both of my BM are out of state, one in Virginia, the other in Arizona. I have no idea, what if anything they will be able to do. I do not care however. I knew their participation would be limited when I asked them, but I just can't picture my day without them standing by my side. I hope my VA BM will be able to drive up for the shower whenever my MOH/sister schedules it. I don't expect my AZ BM to fly into NY twice, and would be totally shocked if she did. If she was important enough for you to include, don't worry about what she can do leading up to the big day, just be happy that she will proceed you down the aisle.
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: BM's out of state
Only two out of my 5 BM (including MOH) are actually in state. My MOH is in Jersey, and two of my BM are with me in MD. We're all over the place. Luckily, we are all going to NY in three weeks to pick out dresses. We are having my shower in MA where I'm originally from, and NO one in my bridal party is from there. So this should be interesting. But we'll see what happens. I was telling FH today that I'm worried my shower won't be that great if my mom has to plan it. She's not crafty or detail-oriented. Oh well, I guess that is what bridesmaids are for. I'll drop a lot of hints to my MD girls! Hehehe! Don't worry. Even if one or two BM take a lighter load, as long as they are happy for you and are supportive, I think it will be fine.
Dom n Nic
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Re: BM's out of state
my sister lives in va. I had my shower on sept 25th and she was not there. which i understand totally. she lives in va is a teacher and for her to drive 7 hours going and 7 hours coming is way to much for her in one daywhen she has work the next day . she could not come early because i would have thought things. my sister only comes in for holidays and stuff. but i had gifts at the shower from her .
my sister being with me on my wedding day means so much more to me then a shower or anything else. she lives far and i can not expect her to be here for every little thing
Kerrycec
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Re: BM's out of state
I understand totally. My good friend got married last Nov at the Meadow Club. As her bridesmaid, we did EVERYTHING. Well since then, she's moved to FL and is now expecting. She can't come for anything! Plus, of course I'm sending her a baby shower gift, but grrr! FL, people change down there
kaklesmay
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Re: BM's out of state
My sister lives in Alaska!
She wont be able to participate in much but we email everyday so she's had her say in the dresses, etc.
She will need to wait until 5 days before the wedding to get her dress altered here b/c there is nowhere to get it done in Kodiak. Thats scary!
Believe it or not, she's been more involved than one of my BM's here on LI
