BP increase not me!!!

haitianbeautie Posted: Jan 27, 2010 09:38 PM

BP increase not me!!!

I inadvently disclosed to a good friend of mine that I was getting married. It is not a secret but for right now only my family and tight friends knows that I am engaged because it is so far down the line from when I got enagaged to the actual wedding date i didnt want to hear any mess about why we were waiting so long...

I was working on a head count and wanted her mom's correct spelling of her name and then she started grilling me so I finally spilled the beans. She went and told everyone we mutally know and now she and other are asuming they are in my bridal party and I dont know how to say no. How should I handle this situation. With my family alone I have already 7 girls walking I dont mind adding her but not the 4 others that I havent really talked to since HS and now want to call and ask whats going on with planning and when were they going dress shopping...

She also ruined my big reveal!!!!

Im getting Married Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:00 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

In this situation be honest..tell them you already have 7 girls (family) and that's already too big in your eyes so you are not adding anyone else

JTG4EVER Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:01 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

First off, that ***** that she ruined your big announcement. You should have a nice conversation with her and just explain things to her. I have a similar situation with my bridal party. I have a sister and a cousin that I want in the party and my FH has three sisters. So that makes 5 right off the bat. So that limits the number of friends I can ask. And it ***** because you want your friends to be a part of it! But just explain the situation to you friend. Honestly, if she is really your friend she will understand. As well as the other four. I have always told all of my friends in the past when it was their turn to get married that if someone is really your friend she won't be hurt by not being in your bridal party. I have a few friends who were probably expecting to be asked and I just couldn't do it. And they are fine with it. It's YOUR wedding. You have to do what YOU want and people will understand. And if they don't understand, then they never really were your friends to begin with. So I would just talk to her. I'm sure she will understand and then you will feel better about things.

JTG4EVER Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:02 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

Ok didnt know i couldnt say 's u c k s' on this site lol

haitianbeautie Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:05 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

I really appreciate you saying that because when I got off the phone with one of the four...she made me feel really sad and guity as if I was a bad friend......i felt like I was being confronted....and she kept repeated that i was hurting her

JTG4EVER Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:08 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

Seriously, she is being ridiculous. Anyone who is gonna tell you she is hurt and make you feel bad about this is not your friend. Its your wedding!!! It's supposed to be the happiest time of your life, thusfar. Anyone who brings the situation down and makes you feel bad should be ashamed of herself. I mean, obviously if you don't ask a friend who assumed she would be in it she may be a little hurt. But a good friend is a silent hurt. A good friend would never act hurt. You did the right thing talking to her and if she doesn't like it then its her problem. Its your wedding!!! You have NOTHING to feel guilty about.

Danielle41209 Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:13 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

If they really want to be involved, find ways to add them like being readers or ushers. But there is no reason for you to rip your hair out over this. You made your decision based on those who have been with you through thick and thin. We all have friends from HS that we thought we'd be tight with forever and lost contact with. I agree with Jackie. If they are making you feel guilty, then they aren't looking out for your best interest. Good luck and don't let them bring you down...

JuneBride14 Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:29 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

Posted by Im getting Married

In this situation be honest..tell them you already have 7 girls (family) and that's already too big in your eyes so you are not adding anyone else

ITA

I also agree with the above post about having the girls be involved in other aspects of the wedding like readings in church. a larger BP adds to your budget so don't let people push you into increasing your BP if you do not want to

haitianbeautie Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:42 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

thank you ladies...I feel uplifted

JTG4EVER Posted: Jan 27, 2010 10:43 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

I'm glad we could help :)

FutureMissG Posted: Jan 27, 2010 11:12 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

oh please girl!! If i were in that situation, i would be totally honest and explain to her, this isn't a free for all, are u kidding me??!!.. I would've said to her, 'first of all who asked you to deliver any messages', but thats just me.. I hope everything works out for you.

FutureJOC Posted: Jan 28, 2010 07:26 AM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

Posted by Im getting Married

In this situation be honest..tell them you already have 7 girls (family) and that's already too big in your eyes so you are not adding anyone else

that's a peeve.

I would either do what Vanessa said or honestly I wouldn't say anything. If they haven't been officially asked, it's kind ofto evento wrong assume they are in the BP. If you are actually confronted on the issue by any of them, then I would just say to them that you already have the 7 girls and you don't want to have the BP any bigger than that.

FutureMrsDe Posted: Jan 28, 2010 04:15 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

they should realize that if they were in your bridal party they would have probably been one of the first people that you told. I have a cusin who seemed to think that her daughter was going to be in my wedding but since i haven't said anything and i picked all of my girls then maybe she finally figured it out.

If these girls are very important to you , you can find other things for them to do , like if your christian have them do readings and bring the gifts up and stuff.

Notwedyet08 Posted: Jan 28, 2010 04:38 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

you have to put who YOU want in your BP and not who expects to be put in. If you already have 7 girls; they'll just have to understand. I know it's easier for me to type that than for you to have to tell someone that wants to be in your wedding No; but it's got to be what you & your FH want...no one elses decision!

Chelechel1 Posted: Jan 28, 2010 06:13 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

OMG HOW RUDE!!!!!!!
I would be really right now if I were you!!!!
So sorry about this

Joeswifey2B Posted: Jan 28, 2010 08:11 PM

Re: BP increase not me!!!

first of all i am sooo sorry you have to go through this! When you get engaged your all ecxcitied alot of emotions take place.. and here u are trying to keep it quite just so u can plan in a little bit a peace and she goes and tells everyone. You know have to miss out on that surprise when everyone finds out for the first time!
Regardless i know everyone looks foward to that! But, your friends and people who did find out from her when they see you they will bevery excitied for you and you will realize it wasnt that big of a deal!
Im still sorry!

Anyways i dont get people who automatically think they are in ur bridal party.. its pretty funny u see people u havent spoken to start to become your friend.. lol You have your bridal party already picked out you have to have your family! And a true friend should not bad you feel bad about that!

I hope everything works out!