So, I'm planning a bachelorette party for a bride and 4 girls in the BP basically have said that they can't afford it and just won't come. I think it's rude since being in a BP is not just about wearing a dress. None of us have contributed to the bridal shower.
I'm doing everything I can to lower costs, but the reality is dinner/drinks and maybe one bar/drinks is like $150-200 of course we need to pay for the bride too. They think that's alot. What do I do?
I feel like the bride chose them, so she obviously wants them. I am stunned about this!
smrsun
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Re: BP issue with POLL
Let the drama begin I have a few BM who will ust be wearing the same dress. From what I know, they refused to contribute to the shower, won't come to the bach party, and are not even getting their hair and makeup done with the rest of us the day of the wedding....to make it worse, its FSIL and FH's SIL. Grrrr
But I don't think you are asking for an unreasonable amount at all! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I feel like they should be able to pay the $150-200. When they accepted to be in the bridal party there are certain responsibilities that go with it.
leeserd
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Re: BP issue with POLL
Posted by smrsun
When they accepted to be in the bridal party there are certain responsibilities that go with it.
I agree. I am just finding out that several of my bridesmaids are grumbling about the cost of my bachelorette party. I have no idea if they helped pay for my shower or not, so I can't say whether this is legitimate or not.
In your case, if they didn't even pay anything for the shower, how can they complain about paying for the bachelorette party? And to refuse to attend is crazy. IMO, if you take on the responsibility of being a bridesmaid, it is absolutely mandatory to attend both the shower and bachelorette party. I am already upset to hear that some bridesmaids are complaining about the price, if any of them refused to attend, that would be unforgiveable.
I would put it to these bad bridesmaids like this: How do you think (the bride) will feel when she shows up to the bachelorette party and you are not there? And when you try to give her your excuse that you can't afford it but did not pay for the shower either, do you think that will be an acceptable answer?
That would really hurt my feelings. I don't know if the bride in your case would just let it slide and not say something, but I know that I would.
Soon2bMrsH
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Re: BP issue with POLL
honestly, they need to $uck it up. its a night out for a good friend. ive been to alot of bach parties and paid SOOOO much and i wasnt even in the bridal parties, and didnt complain one bit. people need to realize that its going to be their turn one day, when they are going to want people by their side.
AngnShaun
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What number did you give them originally, as the cost of the bach party?
bigsal
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Honestly, I dont think that amount is unreasonable at all, but maybe some of the bridesmaids are going through financial problems or maybe they lost their jobs or something after they accepted to be a BM?
runnerbride1023
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Maybe i am the only one who thinks this, but Bach Parties usually involve more than just the girls in the bridal party why doesnt everyone just split it?
Maybe I am just really laid-back when it comes to my BMs but I definately do not expect them to shell out all sorts of money for me. I only want them to buy the dress. I do not need them to pay for a shower (I think my FMIL and mom are doing this anyway) and I do not need them to pay for an elaborate bach-party, unless they want to. I would feel horrible if my BMs had to pay so so so much money and had to make sacrafices in their own daily activities, their life does not revolve around my wedding. Esp in this economy when people are losing jobs left and right.
Jna2010
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Re: BP issue with POLL
thats really not a lot AT ALL.... and considering they didnt help with the shower i feel like this is the least they could do! there not gonna go poor from shelling out 200 each for their friend who is getting married!! honestly if it gets too outta hand and people start dropping out like flies i would let the bride know, maybe she wants to invite other people ya know
AngnShaun
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Posted by RAK220
Maybe i am the only one who thinks this, but Bach Parties usually involve more than just the girls in the bridal party why doesnt everyone just split it?
Maybe I am just really laid-back when it comes to my BMs but I definately do not expect them to shell out all sorts of money for me. I only want them to buy the dress. I do not need them to pay for a shower (I think my FMIL and mom are doing this anyway) and I do not need them to pay for an elaborate bach-party, unless they want to. I would feel horrible if my BMs had to pay so so so much money and had to make sacrafices in their own daily activities, their life does not revolve around my wedding. Esp in this economy when people are losing jobs left and right.
Agree 100%... ive never been to a bachelorette party that was the BM's only... and i've been in wedding parties, where I wasnt able to go to a bachelorette party...
Teachgirl
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Re: BP issue with POLL
Posted by Soon2bMrsH
honestly, they need to $uck it up. its a night out for a good friend. ive been to alot of bach parties and paid SOOOO much and i wasnt even in the bridal parties, and didnt complain one bit. people need to realize that its going to be their turn one day, when they are going to want people by their side.
I told them initially that just dinner with some drinks could be a minimum of 60 pp. Plus paying for the bride. I spent this recently at another party I went to and this was just for myself. So, I'm thinking dinner could be quite more especially in NYC. I also told them to factor in at least 1 bar/lounge with drinks. Drinks in NYC are 10-$15. I keep reminding them to not forget about the bride!
Teachgirl
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Re: BP issue with POLL
Posted by RAK220
Maybe i am the only one who thinks this, but Bach Parties usually involve more than just the girls in the bridal party why doesnt everyone just split it?
I told the BM that the bride has additional guests, but it's really our responsibility to pay for the bride and let additional guests pay for themselves.
Teachgirl
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I got an e-mail from one of the girls saying this:
and if what you think the bride really wants is a three day 'destination' gala, then please by all means go ahead; but do understand that at least a few girls will not be able to attend. I want to emphasize that such a decision will not by any means hurt my feelings or the feelings of the other girls, or make us feel left out - we recognize and accept that our financial reality may differ from yours.
First off, just because I don't broadcast my financial 'hardships' or whatever doesn't mean that we all don't have them! I have known about this wedding for more than a yr. and I have planned accordingly.
Honestly, I don't care if these people come or not....the bride will be deeply hurt! She chose them in her BP, and they all have an excuse as to why they can barely afford to go to dinner.
sophisticat13
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ITA with everyone here...it's not too much at all, especially with not having to contribute for the shower!! I would ask them how the bride will feel if they have the bachelorette party and her own BMs aren't there. Out of curiosity...are they married? Not to upset anyone...the reason I mention this is because it's a real eye-opener when you have been through it yourself...when you go through the process of planning a wedding you really never see things the same way again hahaha and you have a different understanding.
sophisticat13
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Re: BP issue with POLL
Posted by Teachgirl
I got an e-mail from one of the girls saying this:
and if what you think the bride really wants is a three day 'destination' gala, then please by all means go ahead; but do understand that at least a few girls will not be able to attend. I want to emphasize that such a decision will not by any means hurt my feelings or the feelings of the other girls, or make us feel left out - we recognize and accept that our financial reality may differ from yours.
First off, just because I don't broadcast my financial 'hardships' or whatever doesn't mean that we all don't have them! I have known about this wedding for more than a yr. and I have planned accordingly.
Honestly, I don't care if these people come or not....the bride will be deeply hurt! She chose them in her BP, and they all have an excuse as to why they can barely afford to go to dinner.
I would call her and tell her exactly what you just wrote...that the bride will be deeply hurt. Ask these girls what they think you can do for the bride that doesn't cost a lot then...put the onus on THEM to come up with something 'reasonable' then....
Teachgirl
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All single ladies. I told them that the bride would do it for them and I have first hand experience since I'm married. The bride went above and beyond for me.
Teachgirl
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I would call her and tell her exactly what you just wrote...that the bride will be deeply hurt. Ask these girls what they think you can do for the bride that doesn't cost a lot then...put the onus on THEM to come up with something 'reasonable' then....
I actually did tell them about the realities of being in a BP, that it is costly. a minimum of $1,000 with dress, shower, bach. party, gifts. The dress attire alone is costly and it doesn't stop there. I was a BM for a wedding in CA that cost $3, 000 just for 4 days (hotel, air, food and my DH) w/o any extras on top of that wedding. But I accepted to be a BM, so it is what it is.
The sad part is these girls keep e-mailing the bride all of their nonsense. So, at this point she doesn't want a party. I plan on doing something even if it just 2 or 3 girls or honestly just me.
sophisticat13
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Posted by Teachgirl
All single ladies. I told them that the bride would do it for them and I have first hand experience since I'm married. The bride went above and beyond for me.
Again, not to be rude to anyone but that's what I thought...
Teachgirl
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I was single for several other weddings...it has to do with being cheap and giving poor excuses. I hope these girls never feel the same way the bride feels...cause it's a horrible feeling to have when your wedding is right around the corner.
My shower and bach. party was taken care of...I didn't worry about a thing. I think every bride should feel the same way! You have enough to worry about!
sophisticat13
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Posted by Teachgirl
I would call her and tell her exactly what you just wrote...that the bride will be deeply hurt. Ask these girls what they think you can do for the bride that doesn't cost a lot then...put the onus on THEM to come up with something 'reasonable' then....
I actually did tell them about the realities of being in a BP, that it is costly. a minimum of $1,000 with dress, shower, bach. party, gifts. The dress attire alone is costly and it doesn't stop there. I was a BM for a wedding in CA that cost $3, 000 just for 4 days (hotel, air, food and my DH) w/o any extras on top of that wedding. But I accepted to be a BM, so it is what it is.
The sad part is these girls keep e-mailing the bride all of their nonsense. So, at this point she doesn't want a party. I plan on doing something even if it just 2 or 3 girls or honestly just me.
That's all you can do hon....at least you will be there for her and she will know that. It's probably one of those things that they won't get until they get married...what an eye-opener for them it will be though...
sophisticat13
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Posted by Teachgirl
I was single for several other weddings...it has to do with being cheap and giving poor excuses. I hope these girls never feel the same way the bride feels...cause it's a horrible feeling to have when your wedding is right around the corner.
My shower and bach. party was taken care of...I didn't worry about a thing. I think every bride should feel the same way! You have enough to worry about!
That's true...I was generous and tried to be thoughtful with all the weddings I was in. How sad for her that she has to deal with that for BMs...it will probably change her friendships with them or at least how she looks at them
