Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

kellwolfe Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:45 AM

Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

- If you have an engagement party - and then call the wedding off a year later do you still send everything back -
I told my girlfriend yes but I wanted to know what you guys thought

ladybug78 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:48 AM

Re: Break-up question

We went to a wedding in July and the couple got their marriage annulled after 1 month and never sent gifts back...I think that is wrong!!

MissingTheBGene Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:50 AM

Re: Break-up question

Yes, I feel that whether it was one month or even one year, the gifts should be returned. Personally, I give a gift, I give a gift, but an offer to return since the marriage will not be taking place is appropriate IMO.

Beth1210 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:51 AM

Re: Break-up question

personally I wouldn't want the gift I gave back- it was a gift

now if that happened to me- I used all of the things I was given- how could I send them back?

Mrs. Powell Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:52 AM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by Beth1210

personally I wouldn't want the gift I gave back- it was a gift

now if that happened to me- I used all of the things I was given- how could I send them back?

Yup, I agree.

JCam695 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:54 AM

Re: Break-up question

I went to an engagement party over the summer and gave a gift. Now the couple is on the rocks and may call off the wedding. Since they both still live with their parents I know none of the gifts have been used.

Honestly, if it gets called off I would expect my gift returned.

A few years ago, I went to a bridal shower and then the engagement was called off and she did send back all of the gifts.

jenheartsrob Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:58 AM

Re: Break-up question

I think if it's a monetary gift it should be returned - it was a gift given to the couple as money towards their wedding or new home, etc.. My cousin announced an engagement, everyone sent money, and they broke up. He kept the money, and it caused problems in the family.

As for gifts though, if you've used them, there's nothing you can really do about that I don't think.... I'm sure there's a proper etiquette thing to do - maybe a note thanking them for their generosity or explaining situation? I dunno, or maybe some things are better left unsaid.

CaMacho Posted: Jan 06, 2006 10:58 AM

Re: Break-up question

After a year? I wouldn't expect the gifts back... who knows if they even have the list that tells them who gave what gift!!

But if it's a few weeks or a few months after I would expect the gift back.

ChrissynRicky Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:07 AM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by Mrs. Powell

Posted by Beth1210

personally I wouldn't want the gift I gave back- it was a gift

now if that happened to me- I used all of the things I was given- how could I send them back?

Yup, I agree.

Double ditto...a gift is a gift.

soon2bmrsdunn Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:09 AM

Re: Break-up question

I think the gifts should be returned. I was the MOH of this girl and for her engagment I bought her a really nice gift from Tiffany & Co and for her shower I bought her all of her everyday dishes (Everyone thinks the wedding was off before her shower). It was an OOT wedding and she never gave anything back or even let people know the wedding was off including me her MOH. I am still pissed.

Reesa Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:10 AM

Re: Break-up question

I woulld say no after a year.

MJDoc12 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:14 AM

Re: Break-up question

if it's been a year since an e-party..wouldn't you have used the gifts already? i think after a year i wouldn't want my gift back. chances are guest would think you used it, and are giving them something recycled or something.

a gift is a gift---i don't think people should expect the gifts back after a lengthy period of time.

AutmBride Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:32 AM

Re: Break-up question

My friend called off her wedding after the invites went out and didn't give back a thing. Everyone was so insulted. Whenever I go to her house and see her use the pitcher I gave her I want to snatch it back! hahah!
Seriously though, that's why you're not supposed to use anything before you get married.

werock0709 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:34 AM

Re: Break-up question

I think a gift is just that, a gift. I wouldn't send it or give it back.

SuzBride Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:37 AM

Re: Break-up question

I think most people would expect the gift returned, and etiquette says you should return the gift. An engagement gift is given to celebrate the engagement, but also with the assumption that it will be used by the married couple. If FH and I called off our wedding, I would return all the gifts and $$$.

lanabean Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:38 AM

Re: Break-up question

Hey Kell. I would say no; a gift is definitely a gift. Now, if someone sent a check and the wedding is one month away and called off, that I would send back. A year--no.

Bridex100 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:39 AM

Re: Break-up question

I would give the gift back. It doesn't matter if it was a week or a year.

If they are 'cheaper' gifts, just keep them.

ETAB Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:39 AM

Re: Break-up question

if they had an engagement party I would not send the gift back, because they did pay for the party regardless and chances are you did go to the party.

But, if it was a just a random gift solely for the engagement then you should return it..

suven Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:39 AM

Re: Break-up question

Yes, engagement and even shower gifts should be returned.

This happened to a friend of mine. She returned all monetary gifts. For 'items' that she received, she sent a check to the gift giver for the dollar value.

Sunrise813 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:48 AM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by ChristineAEV

Posted by Mrs. Powell

Posted by Beth1210

personally I wouldn't want the gift I gave back- it was a gift

now if that happened to me- I used all of the things I was given- how could I send them back?

Yup, I agree.

Double ditto...a gift is a gift.

Mee too.