Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

Original post by kellwolfe

Jan 06, 2006 10:45 AM

- If you have an engagement party - and then call the wedding off a year later do you still send everything back -
I told my girlfriend yes but I wanted to know what you guys thought

kellwolfe Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:48 AM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by lanabean

Hey Kell. I would say no; a gift is definitely a gift. Now, if someone sent a check and the wedding is one month away and called off, that I would send back. A year--no.

Hey honey _ love your new pic!

stephanief Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:50 AM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by ChristineAEV

Posted by Mrs. Powell

Posted by Beth1210

personally I wouldn't want the gift I gave back- it was a gift

now if that happened to me- I used all of the things I was given- how could I send them back?

Yup, I agree.

Double ditto...a gift is a gift.

I absolutely agree

kellwolfe Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:53 AM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by stephanief

Posted by ChristineAEV

Posted by Mrs. Powell

Posted by Beth1210

personally I wouldn't want the gift I gave back- it was a gift

now if that happened to me- I used all of the things I was given- how could I send them back?

Yup, I agree.

Double ditto...a gift is a gift.

I absolutely agree

thank you ladies! I will share my info.

aliwnec10 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:54 AM

Re: Break-up question

I'm going to say yes... you should. But it all depends on if the gifts were opened and used. I mean obviously if they were used, than no you can't send it back. But if they weren't used... i'd send them back.

If it were me and i had gifts that weren't opened... i wouldn't want them around. Do you know what i mean? The first thing i'd do is get rid of them because it would only remind me of the wedding that isn't going to happen.

MCDO15 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 11:56 AM

Re: Break-up question

you should ...
i 'had' a friend that called it off and kept everything...

funny thing was, she thought about the whole gift thing and decided against it.

but what can you do...ask for it back? thats is like going to their level by not giving it back. You just know who your friends are and who is not..

too add..your e-present are not suppose to be used till you get married.

lanabean Posted: Jan 06, 2006 12:00 PM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by kellwolfe

Posted by lanabean

Hey Kell. I would say no; a gift is definitely a gift. Now, if someone sent a check and the wedding is one month away and called off, that I would send back. A year--no.

Hey honey _ love your new pic!

it's my dress without my head. LOL

Back to work, missy! ha ha! Me, too!

IrishBride-05 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 12:26 PM

Re: Break-up question

I say yes, but I do kind of agree about not returning the registery gifts. I went to a shower this Summer and then the wedding was called off. The bride and her parents returned all the monetary gift and for any registery gifts, they went to the stores the items were bought from and got gift cards for the value and sent them back instead of the gifts. I thought that was a very tasteful way of handling it.

shellsonbeach Posted: Jan 06, 2006 12:34 PM

Re: Break-up question

I think if you expect a gift back you should not have gone to the party

Ser29 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 12:45 PM

Re: Break-up question

its a tricky situation because we have already started to use most of our gifts and the money is gone - spent on deposits so if it were to happen god forbid I think i would sent back the big things and the rest just write a note of thanks and explain the situation
* A friend of mine had an engagment party a year before her wedding and they called it off a month before and no gifts were returned.

weddingbunny Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:03 PM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by CaMacho

After a year? I wouldn't expect the gifts back... who knows if they even have the list that tells them who gave what gift!!

But if it's a few weeks or a few months after I would expect the gift back.

exactly - it's pretty unreasonable to expect the couple to have left all of their gifts new in the box with the list sitting on top of them for a year.

I don't know, I think personally, if I were the gift giver, I'd be more worried about how the couple was handling their breakup than whether or not I got my gift back. I mean, come on, prioritize.

BHW Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:06 PM

Re: Break-up question

Posted by shellsonbeach

I think if you expect a gift back you should not have gone to the party

I'm confused. What does expecting a gift back have to do with going to the party? My intention in buying someone an engagement gift (party or not) is to provide something to the couple to use when they are married. The same is true for a shower gift. If the couple decided not to go through with the wedding, I think people have a right to expect the gift back. The gift was for the married couple. I certinaly wouldn't ask the person for the gift back, but I think it's the right thing to do. If the gift was already used, I like the idea that others posted about sending a check for the value of the gift or sending a giftcard.

kellwolfe Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:12 PM

Re: Break-up question - More info on 2nd page

Well that's what I told her 100% the money gifts - and the luggage - and some of it she used - some thing she got doubles of so she changed it for other things - and does ever remember where some of it goes -

to be honest she is falling apart and her mother I told her that we would take care of it because looking at everything makes her cry - the bed set she got has even been discontinued -

stephanief Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:27 PM

Re: Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

Posted by weddingbunny

Posted by CaMacho

After a year? I wouldn't expect the gifts back... who knows if they even have the list that tells them who gave what gift!!

But if it's a few weeks or a few months after I would expect the gift back.

exactly - it's pretty unreasonable to expect the couple to have left all of their gifts new in the box with the list sitting on top of them for a year.

I don't know, I think personally, if I were the gift giver, I'd be more worried about how the couple was handling their breakup than whether or not I got my gift back. I mean, come on, prioritize.

I could not agree more, I mean who cares if you get back your blender or not?

People confuse me sometimes

lrs2005 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:28 PM

Re: Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

I would tell her to give back all of the cash/check gifts and any of the unused gifts. I would tell her for the things she has used, she needs to give back GCs to the stores where they are from. As for not using stuff, DH and I had a room full of stuff that we received before the wedding. Nothing was used until we were married. My parents insisted on that one.

Preshy7 Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:42 PM

Re: Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

what will i do with a used pot or something used? how do you give back a used item?
i say give back money gifts only...

ZuzusPetals Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:48 PM

Re: Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

Posted by stephanief

Posted by ChristineAEV

Posted by Mrs. Powell

Posted by Beth1210

personally I wouldn't want the gift I gave back- it was a gift

now if that happened to me- I used all of the things I was given- how could I send them back?

Yup, I agree.

Double ditto...a gift is a gift.

I absolutely agree

I agree 100%. I would never expect a gift back. I mean there are some people who are in horrible relationships and marriages that I give gifts too. They stay together for the sake of staying together and enjoy all of their wedding based 'presents.' Plus, these people who are calling it quits are goings through so much I doubt the last thing on their mind is returning gifts that were given to their friends and loved ones.

Suzannebride Posted: Jan 06, 2006 01:48 PM

Re: Break-up question -more info on 2nd page

I think I have read somewhere that this is the correct way to handle gifts that have been used. You should send a gift card with the value of the gift back to the person.

Posted by IrishBride-05

I say yes, but I do kind of agree about not returning the registery gifts. I went to a shower this Summer and then the wedding was called off. The bride and her parents returned all the monetary gift and for any registery gifts, they went to the stores the items were bought from and got gift cards for the value and sent them back instead of the gifts. I thought that was a very tasteful way of handling it.