So my sister calls me yesterday and tells me that don't expect too much from the bridal shower. She said they will ONLY spend either $200 or $100 in TOTAL on everything. There's 10 of them so you do the math. (either $10/pp or $20/pp) - can you say CHEAP!
If they can't afford it might as well don't do anything...I know the ecomony isn't doing well. Its not mandatory to have one. They could have came up to us and said they can't do it. We would be okay with that.
My sister and my FH's best man had receipes/menus/food ideas planned out but it seems like it's too difficult for everyone so they opted for to just pick up store bought burgers and hot dogs from BJs.
She wanted to fore-warn me that will happen. I was in tears yesterday. I asked her about how many people will be attending-about 20...
I'm thinking WTH??? Are they even thinking?
If they are going to do this, then there's no respect whatsoever and they might as well just CANCEL the whole goddam event and the bacherlorette party as well.
I tried to speak to one of my MOH's yesterday (I have two) but she said there was nothing wrong. I didn't want to mention what my sister told me. But what am I to do?
I mean my sister was pretty upset and she knows me pretty well she was going to go all out on the food.
I already know the date and the place they will be having it at my friend's house so that already saved them tons of $$$.
Is it me or is it people aren't love with the idea of your wedding but when its their turn they will feel the same way and say that Oh crap I screwed up C&R's wedding plans...
I have no positive thoughts about this...
At this point I just want to run away and elope and head straight to the honeymoon and forget about EVERYONE!
thanks for reading...
edit to add more...
AdriandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Posted by weirdo168
Posted by joctorre
Ok, so I feel like a b!tch after reading everyone else's response....
I just think that if the case is money, then maybe she shouldn't KNOW about the details......
I just don't think the bride needs to know all the issues that are going on and how much money that people are giving or contributing or whatever.... not at this point anyway... maybe after.........
I just know that I felt terrible and greedy and selfish and everything when I heard the money details of the shower......
I'm not saying that everyone has to take out a loan to fund the shower, but do what you can do and don't tell the bride............................
idk jmo
I mean if you're part of a wedding be expected to spend $$$...And I think they are still coming to that conclusion but refusing to accept it. I don't want people taking out a loan but if you can't afford to plan the shower don't do it at all. I mean is it really that hard to chip in $50 bucks - you can bring lunch from home instead of buying that $15 lunch?
You know?
Should people assume that they have to spend some $ when they are a BP... yes. BUT, the amount to spend is up to them and I understand assuming it's $10 a person could be seen as cheap it's really not your place to say. From what it sounds like, and I could be wrong, the guys are being included in planning. Which is something they don't even HAVE to do. I understand what your saying, but I think your coming out with it the wrong way. Some people don't even have showers at all.
DaniandKen2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
I feel your pain. I found out recently that if left to the devices of one of my girls I would have had a white trash shower. Now what that entails I dont know and FH won't tell me. I know I did ask for a backyard shower to keep costs down because my 6 girls are footin the bill. But dont know what I am getting. All he said is that it was ghetto and white trash and he had to step in to settle some differences so I would get a nice shower.
Can your FH step in? Can he find out the details and then tweak them so you will be happy. Maybe if he finds out everything he can point out how they arent being fair to you. Barbecue showers can be very nice just some thought has to go into them
joctorre
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
I just want to add that I would LOVE to have a home shower......... But with my parents being divorced and my mom not wanting my dad's family at her house and with the RD being at FMIL's...I don't think that's happening....
One of my BMs did offer, but she's too far........
So I have no idea what they're doing......
BUT we did have a teaparty for one of my BMs when she got married. NOT what I would have wanted and I wanted to do MORE for her...... I was vetoed..... It didn't cost TOOOOOO much (I don't remember exactly) and it was totally her style, BUT I did see some of her inlaws (now some of mine since our men are cousins) and looking at the tiny food like 'WTFFFFFFFF'
Whatever. I hope they will detail it nicely for you...
I'm sure it sounds worse that it will actually be!!!!!!!!!!!!!
weirdo168
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Posted by AdriandSteve
Posted by weirdo168
Posted by joctorre
Ok, so I feel like a b!tch after reading everyone else's response....
I just think that if the case is money, then maybe she shouldn't KNOW about the details......
I just don't think the bride needs to know all the issues that are going on and how much money that people are giving or contributing or whatever.... not at this point anyway... maybe after.........
I just know that I felt terrible and greedy and selfish and everything when I heard the money details of the shower......
I'm not saying that everyone has to take out a loan to fund the shower, but do what you can do and don't tell the bride............................
idk jmo
I mean if you're part of a wedding be expected to spend $$$...And I think they are still coming to that conclusion but refusing to accept it. I don't want people taking out a loan but if you can't afford to plan the shower don't do it at all. I mean is it really that hard to chip in $50 bucks - you can bring lunch from home instead of buying that $15 lunch?
You know?
Should people assume that they have to spend some $ when they are a BP... yes. BUT, the amount to spend is up to them and I understand assuming it's $10 a person could be seen as cheap it's really not your place to say. From what it sounds like, and I could be wrong, the guys are being included in planning. Which is something they don't even HAVE to do. I understand what your saying, but I think your coming out with it the wrong way. Some people don't even have showers at all.
Yes the guys are involved - we wanted them to do something together. I mean it just seems like they are half azzing this whole thing...and I just think that's wrong...
weirdo168
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Posted by AdriandSteve
Posted by weirdo168
Posted by joctorre
Ok, so I feel like a b!tch after reading everyone else's response....
I just think that if the case is money, then maybe she shouldn't KNOW about the details......
I just don't think the bride needs to know all the issues that are going on and how much money that people are giving or contributing or whatever.... not at this point anyway... maybe after.........
I just know that I felt terrible and greedy and selfish and everything when I heard the money details of the shower......
I'm not saying that everyone has to take out a loan to fund the shower, but do what you can do and don't tell the bride............................
idk jmo
I mean if you're part of a wedding be expected to spend $$$...And I think they are still coming to that conclusion but refusing to accept it. I don't want people taking out a loan but if you can't afford to plan the shower don't do it at all. I mean is it really that hard to chip in $50 bucks - you can bring lunch from home instead of buying that $15 lunch?
You know?
Should people assume that they have to spend some $ when they are a BP... yes. BUT, the amount to spend is up to them and I understand assuming it's $10 a person could be seen as cheap it's really not your place to say. From what it sounds like, and I could be wrong, the guys are being included in planning. Which is something they don't even HAVE to do. I understand what your saying, but I think your coming out with it the wrong way. Some people don't even have showers at all.
And it's not like we REQUIRED a shower - they said they wanted to do something for us.
AdriandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Posted by weirdo168
Posted by AdriandSteve
Posted by weirdo168
Posted by joctorre
Ok, so I feel like a b!tch after reading everyone else's response....
I just think that if the case is money, then maybe she shouldn't KNOW about the details......
I just don't think the bride needs to know all the issues that are going on and how much money that people are giving or contributing or whatever.... not at this point anyway... maybe after.........
I just know that I felt terrible and greedy and selfish and everything when I heard the money details of the shower......
I'm not saying that everyone has to take out a loan to fund the shower, but do what you can do and don't tell the bride............................
idk jmo
I mean if you're part of a wedding be expected to spend $$$...And I think they are still coming to that conclusion but refusing to accept it. I don't want people taking out a loan but if you can't afford to plan the shower don't do it at all. I mean is it really that hard to chip in $50 bucks - you can bring lunch from home instead of buying that $15 lunch?
You know?
Should people assume that they have to spend some $ when they are a BP... yes. BUT, the amount to spend is up to them and I understand assuming it's $10 a person could be seen as cheap it's really not your place to say. From what it sounds like, and I could be wrong, the guys are being included in planning. Which is something they don't even HAVE to do. I understand what your saying, but I think your coming out with it the wrong way. Some people don't even have showers at all.
And it's not like we REQUIRED a shower - they said they wanted to do something for us.
Of course you didn't require it. No one does. If that's the case then wouldn't you be happy with something rather then nothing?
MerSaysEh
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Of course you didn't require it. No one does. If that's the case then wouldn't you be happy with something rather then nothing?
ITA with this, but maybe thats because I just vented the other day that I would LOVE a shower and don't think I'm getting one because my BMs and family are all over the place (geographically, not organizationally). I totally understand being frustrated but I don't know if I would have an 'all or nothing ' mentality about it...even with something small/inexpensive it could be gorgeous and wonderful
Ray8183
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
I understand how you feel, but bbq shower can be a lot of fun and there are so many foods out there that can make it enjoyable.
I am not having a BP, so I found a restaurant near the train station because FH and I are the only ones who live in LI, I pick the food and I let my friends and family plan the rest.
If you are not happy, then plan part of it.
01ELLIE
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Posted by Ray8183
I understand how you feel, but bbq shower can be a lot of fun and there are so many foods out there that can make it enjoyable.
I am not having a BP, so I found a restaurant near the train station because FH and I are the only ones who live in LI, I pick the food and I let my friends and family plan the rest.
If you are not happy, then plan part of it.
I was just about to say maybe you should step in and help plan the shower? if you already know the details of the $$ and food then you might as well help plan.
i dont think you should 'expect' the BP to spend alot of money but you should 'expect' them to plan something nice and not just half azz it -- that's inconsiderate. There are sooo many things they can do to save $$. BJ's has alot of platters and easy to make finger food....which would be better than hot dogs!
elp6421
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Posted by weirdo168
Posted by AdriandSteve
If this is true, I'd be happy that they are throwing anything at all. It may not be a larger more extravagant thing but if it is all that they can afford then I'd just appreciate the trouble they went to.
I honestly think they are just being cheap. If this is the case just store bought hamburgers and hot dogs at a friend's house...we'll be so embarrassed for whoever is coming. It would be pretty lame...
I know in the end its the thought that counts but my sister is telling me they don't really give a crap and they are just simply selfish...
I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I don't think there is anything wrong with a small shower BUT it doesn't sound like it is what you want and everyone should get the shower that they want bc it only happens once!!!
I would really ask and except your sister to advicate for you. She needs to tell these cheapies to pony up! Maybe they don't understand how important it is to you.
My shower is actually going to be a back yard BBQ kind of thing. It's a couple's shower. My mom and sister found some people who will be BBQ chicken and the rest will be catered. There is so many nice things that they can do keep costs down but still make it nice!
Future Mrs H
Posted:
Member since
Re: Bridal Party Vent
Oh how I would love a BBQ shower with burgers and hot dogs.But since I am not having a shower at all its not going to happen. Be happy You are getting one.. BBQ's are fun and I am sure you will get some nice gifts.
