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Bridal Shower Drama.......

Original post by MomNeedsTissues

Thread views: 1,622

This is an update on my sons July wedding. If you all remember the story about my dramatic story about going for the tuxes with my son, how his FW told me off in the store, Well ladies, heres a new one.

Being that my son and I live upstate NY, my daughter (who is a BM) and I were planning a bridal shower for the bride to be down on LI with our family. Knowing that we did not have to do this, but out of the kindness of our hearts, we wanted her to have a shower with our family. After the tux drama, we cancelled it. My son called me a child, so ok thats the way you see it. Fine!

WELL, last Wednesday, I had reveice an invitation to her bridal shower which is being held up here. I called my daughter, she hadn't received hers yet. Here it is Sunday, still nothing. So when my son called me for Mothers Day, I asked about it and said that his ONLY sister and ONLY grandmother DID NOT recieve theirs and if he knew anything about it. His comment was 'mom, i really don't know anything about the shower but wasn't that the purporse of you having the shower down there for her so they could come? I guess they felt they wouldn't come, I don't know'....
SO, now my daughter, my mother and none of our family are invitied except me.

My daughter is flipping roaring angry, my mother will be extremely hurt and crushed. He is her only grandson. My family is NOT invited. After having a long discussion with my daughter, I will not be attending either. How dare they NOT invite the Grooms only sister and only grandmother.

Can you all beleive this? Its just yet another dislike and tasteless action on the bride and her familys part.
It will be their loss. I was making the a quilt, honeymoon scrapbook, wedding photo album and the things that my daughter were getting, now they are getting nothing. These people just don't get it. They seem to constantly say 'this is HER DAY'. well, hellllooo, there is a groom involved and he does have a family.

Have any of you ever heard of such a thing?
We can't wait for this wedding to be over. We're tired of constantly

dm24angel Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

I too hate to sound like I'm disagreeing but I think by this point in the planning due to the other issues maybe you need to see that you wont be the 'player' in the wedding you had imagined. I did see you were involved in a lot though ( originally) from websites, to STD's to RD to shower...My FMIL hasnt been half that onvolved...I fill her in on details, she makes usggestions and Im all ears to them, but its our wedding in the end, and if she didnt like something about it, to be quite frank I wouldnt care, as long as FH and me were on the same page. We are paying for it so we get to plan it. I know my mom is much more involved and thats just how it is. You seem very angry and you mentioned they are young, you have to think that the younger they are the less they are thinking about how you feel...thats just the way it is. If they do something to anger you, acting resentful and childish is just making it worse, and you really have never said one nice thing about this girl, so in truth why would she and her family be open arms to support you and your feelings? Maybe you were just venting, thats fine, but I do think you seem to be wanting things your way versus compromise.....Sorry if I offended you

LovelyL Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

Ahh......weddings.......they really do bring out the best in people. That's all I have to say.

sophie78 Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

Why don't you just call the host and explain the situation. I can't imagine them saying that your daughter and mother wouldn't be invited.

Pookiesangel Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

I don't have the best relationship with my FMIL, we are highly civil to each other, but I feel she does involve herself too much in our lives, never mind our wedding plans.

All I can add to this thread, is this.. weddings are for the Bride AND Groom and both families want to be a part of it. But both families are different.. and just because the couple fell in love with each other, it doesn't mean that everyone else will too.

I'd keep my word about the things you offered to make for them. I'd also address my concerns to your FDIL privately.. sit down and talk it out... 99% of the time it comes down to miscommunication, and that usually results in hurt feelings and petty arguements.

It's not about getting your way or her way, it's about making their wedding day the best it can be for everyone.

Hope it helps and Good Luck!

RedHead Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

Just think that you are acting as much of a child as you are complaining they are!

I hope you made 100% sure that they were purposely not invited or you are going to look like an a**.

You backing out on everything you promised is sooooooo childish. Be an adult, show up, smile and leave.

And unless you don't care that you never have your son in your life i suggest you change your attitude...My aunt was just like this and let me tell ya her son is GONE. And from what i see, if he ain't sticking up for you now, don't expext him to do it in the future! I personally would be MUCH MORE angry with YOUR SON for being such a wimp!

Marisa&Brian Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

My Aunt went through the same thing when my cousin got married a few years ago. - The bride and her mother wanted NO part of his side of the family. - I'm a firm believer that there are certain things that a bride does with her mom just as 'special moments' or whatever. - But to totally alienate the family is ridiculous ! - There is no reason to be disrespectful of his side of the family -

I understand you are hurt and upset, but if I may offer my 2 cents. - Don't let your son (who you obviously love) be punished b/c of his futrue wife's disrespectful behavior. - Give him the gifts you intended to . -
And for as much as he may want to stay out of it - Too bad.- Push comes to Shove you are HIS mother and HIS sister. - He should also be opening his mouth regarding her behavior toward you . - She doesn't have to love you, she doesn't have to even like you - BUT you are his mother and she should at the very least tolerate you AND absolutely show you the respect you deserve simply because you are his mother. -

GroomsMom Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

See your forum mail!

cluelessbride Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

I just wanted to add that I remember you saying something like your daughter's wedding will be 'Emily Post' and your FDIL's wedding will be, well, something else : )

The point is, it sounds like you are very sour about this wedding. It's NOT your day though. You are a guest. It is your son's day and your FDIL's day. Just try to calm down and let things go. She makes your son happy, he loves her, why cause drama? If you think your FDIL is a troublemaker, just set a good example by being the 'Emily Post' you think you are. Don't get into playing games.

GroomsMom Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

But to allow your own daughter to not be invited to the shower? There is a limit how much you can overlook, you can't hurt your own daughter that way!!!

brideinapril Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

Wow! I remember the drama with the tuxes. I have to ask what the heck your son sees in this b**ch!!! She treats his family like crap, I can't believe he wants to spend the rest of his life with her! I feel so bad for you but I think you did the right thing by declining on the shower.

Matt'sbride Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

Being devil's advocate - YOU CANCELLED HER SHOWER and expect to be invited??? I also should point out that bride's DO NOT make up the list for their own shower - usually it's held for them....

Ophelia42 Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

Posted by GroomsMom

But to allow your own daughter to not be invited to the shower? There is a limit how much you can overlook, you can't hurt your own daughter that way!!!

I'm playing devils advocate here, but she already said that the daughter wouldn't be able to attend - perhaps THAT is why she wasn't invited. In that situation, some people would be bothered by being invited (ie 'They already know I can't come, they must just want another gift') and some people will be bothered by NOT being invited. You just can't win.

eogara Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

Posted by Matt'sbride

Being devil's advocate - YOU CANCELLED HER SHOWER and expect to be invited??? I also should point out that bride's DO NOT make up the list for their own shower - usually it's held for them....

Excellent point. I really don't understand why this is about her being so awful when she likely has absolutely NOTHING to do with the shower!! Plus, I agree - not too sure my mom would be all about inviting an entire family that backed out of what they said they'd do for me, including and especially holding a shower. I really think you need to step back and try to look at this more objectively.

oakslady Thread views: 1,622

Re: Bridal Shower Drama.......

after reading all this extra stuff that wasnt on the 04 boards - i think i am inclined to agree that maybe you should just agree to disagree - i think the idea of a coed shower for your son and his fw is a good idea - if her family ( or whoever is throwing the shower) doesnt want you at their affair then you have your own for your son with his family -
i also agree he needs to step up - he really should have ended this bickering by telling his wife to respect his mom - and vice versa - it sounds to me like he needs a mentor and not a wife
it is all pretty petty - and if you want to keep in contact with your son after all this is over the 2 families - that is your son , fw , her parents and you need to sit down and discuss the roots of all this - because the way it is now i can only see it getting worse as time goes on
maybe he is making a bad decision but hay that happens when you are younger - he will learn and grow with it - but if you keep the hostility up now when/if he realizes it may be a mistake he wont come back to talk to you cause you made all this so difficult.
this happened with a cousin of mine and he hasnt talked to anyone in the family in 12 years - it is like he doesnt even exist anymore.
try to step back and think about the big picture , what is important ? keeping your relationship with your son open or having your way about wedding arguments with his wife's family?
this is just a day ... but the consequences of all this bickering will last much longer .
jmo