I need some this cleared up for me. My freind is planning on getting married in January of 2008. I guess I should start by saying that my wedding in this coming september. About a month ago she decides to have her wedding this June. This is great for her but being in her bridal party is becomming a little rediculous. For starters she decided to get married in Conneticut so now I have to pay for a hotel room for 2-3 nights, her dresses are very expensive. All together between this and her gift I am spending over $1,000. Now I get an e-mail from her sister about her bridal shower. She wants the bridesmaids to make a dish and dessert. And then I am resonsible for soda, juice, wine, and cups. Am I being crazy or is this just a little rediculous. All on top of a bridal shower gift. My fiance and I are arguing enough over our own wedding now this is causing an even bigger fight. I know it is the bridesmaids responsibility to throw the shower, right? but I just feel like this is a lot, am I wrong in thinking htis way????
laural2979
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
Your FH just started a separate thread about this.
JohnNicole
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I just saw that. I guess it is a pretty big issue between us for it to get started by both of us.
TnOiOnL
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Im sorry It IS alot to do.. its one of the crappy parts of sharing wedding planning with a BM... The $$$!
I also am planning a wedding along with my MOH who is planning her wedding for next year, but we luckily are several months apart...
If you really have an issue you need to take it up with her.. NOT in a mean way of course! Just try to maybe talk to her and explain theres only so much you can take care of..
Hope it all works out for you both... In a few years you'll be able to look back at these events and laugh!
Licee15
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
Posted by MrsBartonToBe
Im sorry It IS alot to do.. its one of the crappy parts of sharing wedding planning with a BM... The $$$!
I also am planning a wedding along with my MOH who is planning her wedding for next year, but we luckily are several months apart...
If you really have an issue you need to take it up with her.. NOT in a mean way of course! Just try to maybe talk to her and explain theres only so much you can take care of..
Hope it all works out for you both... In a few years you'll be able to look back at these events and laugh!
Couldn't have said it better myself!
tricia3381
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
to help cut the costs i would not spend 2-3 nights in a hotel. go up the day of and just get a room for the night of the wedding. the bride should understand that u won't be able to make the rehearsal. if she wants u there for the rehearsal she should pay for the room. i have to 2 OOT bm's and they're coming up the night before (which means they miss the RD since its 2 nights before)and staying at my parents house with me, then they're paying for their own room for the night of the wedding.
Aug06
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
Sorry it's costing you so much! I do think it's a lot to ask of the bridesmaids to stay in Connecticut and it's always nice when the bride makes an effort to keep the cost of the dresses low. I do think however that the bridesmaids need to help out with the bridal shower and by making a dish and dessert you can minimize your costs there, so I don't think it's too ridiculous to ask for your help in that way.
Hope you guys can work it out!
nifheim
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
I don't get why people insist on making their wedding such a misery on their bridal party. I got into a huge argument with fh and my mom that i feel guilty for making my bp pay $150 for a dress they will never wear and I said i wanted to get all the bp a really nice gift that was around $80 per person. My mom went nuts because she said your bp is not paying for your bach party, not paying for the shower all they are doing is paying for the clothing so don't feel bad for them.
Now after reading how much your dealing with - i don't feel bad now! I would straight up tell tell the one running the show that this is getting out of hand.
werock0709
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
I have to be honest here. When you say yes to be in a bridal party, your going to be obligated to certain things that require money. And sometimes it may be alot. It's something that should be thought about, before you start complaining. I know to some it's an honor, but some others just do it, for the sake of doing it!! It's true.Plenty of girls go through this, it's not just you. But if you knew you were getting married, and money might have been an issue, you should have declined. Thats JMO.
chrissyandvin
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
Posted by werock0709
I have to be honest here. When you say yes to be in a bridal party, your going to be obligated to certain things that require money. And sometimes it may be alot. It's something that should be thought about, before you start complaining. I know to some it's an honor, but some others just do it, for the sake of doing it!! It's true.Plenty of girls go through this, it's not just you. But if you knew you were getting married, and money might have been an issue, you should have declined. Thats JMO.
I have to agree with her! That's a tough thing to do when you are getting married around the same time. I know I would have to decline. I hope you can make it all work out!
diva7531
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
Sorry you are going thru this, I stinks that she changed the date and venue. I think you can make a dish and dessert and get cups and stuff for a minimal fee. As far as 2-3 nights in CT that is ridiculous! Go maybe the night b4 if you can afford it, if not explain. She is planning as well so she understand the cost. You, FH and you GF will get thru this. You could also find a mor inexpensive hotel than what she offers her guests. Just some ideas! Good Luck.
nifheim
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
Yea but a bp needs to have a certain limit expense wise or they need to be made aware of the extra costs. If i said yea to being in a wp for a certain date and for a certain location and then things get changed around (this is what i am understand that it got changed to a out of state wedding and for a diff. date) then you didn't really agree to it. I think there are some brides that are so self centered when it comes to their wp and guests because 'its my wedding' mentallity. As a bride and if i did this i would tell the wp that there will be extra costs now involved and is that okay and if not i can understand if you would like to back out.
I have to say though i am an odd ball with this whole wedding business. I really feel people take advantage with all these parties surrounding the wedding and the whole drama of inviting the world to your wedding. Not saying this is the case here or on this board just realized today that sometimes we need to understand as brides that this isn't a cash/gift machine to be abused. I feel since the date/location has been changed that you can't possibly hold up money wise you should really explain it to whoever is running the show that you weren't aware of these extra costs when saying yes to being in the bp.
hunnybunnyxoxo
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Re: Bridal Shower Help
Posted by werock0709
I have to be honest here. When you say yes to be in a bridal party, your going to be obligated to certain things that require money. And sometimes it may be alot. It's something that should be thought about, before you start complaining. I know to some it's an honor, but some others just do it, for the sake of doing it!! It's true.Plenty of girls go through this, it's not just you. But if you knew you were getting married, and money might have been an issue, you should have declined. Thats JMO.
i disagree here, yes you have obligations when you say yes to being in the bridal party however, you can also the right to say something if the costs are getting too high.
Too often brides spend their bm's money thinking that it is ok to make them pay for $350 dress, among other things.
I am sorry but if a dress is too much out of my budget, i would say politely, 'hmm that seems a little high' and if the bride still wants the damn dress, then fine get it, but i would def. be careful and mindful how much i spend from that point on.
for the bridal shower, yes it is common for bms to chip in for certain things, however, you also have the right to say ' i would love to particpate and help out in anyway, however i can only afford to chip in $150 at this time' there is noooooooo problem what so ever. i am sorry but this is not a free for all. dont do more than what you can afford.
i have a cousin in my bridal party that doesnt have that much money, but i rather her in my bridal party than not. and i would never be pissed off at her b/c she could only chip in $xxx as opposed to what everyone else is paying..
bottom line, you do what is best for you. and that doesnt make you a difficult bm for politely paying what you can afford.
dont feel that you have pay $1000 in expenses. pick and choose what you can and can not do. b/c i am sure your friend will still love you regardless, and if she doesnt, than she is a bad friend.
just as a tip, if you do speak up, always say things politely. its when people stomp their feet and roll their heads and demand that they will not pay for such and such - is when it makes us brides angry... otherwise, you will have no problems..
