I've been in a few weddings before and have never been asked to plan/pay for the shower. My friend is getting married in Nov and her mom recently contacted me about her shower. Informed me of the plans, (where, when) etc and then she adds in I'll try and keep it low key so you girls (the 4 bridesmaids) won't have to empty your pockets for this. Now I don't mind chipping in but I recently had a baby, am unemployed and I just don't have hundreds of $$$ to shell out of this. Should I back out of being a bridesmaid or just let her mom know that I can't afford to pay lots of money for the shower. I was just taken back by her moms commen b/c every shower I've attended the moms usually paid for it. The bridesmaids were in charge of paying for the bachelorette party. Sorry its so long... I knew that you girls on here would give me your honest opinions!!! :)
MJDoc12
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
maybe you should contact the other BMs and see how they feel about it?
for my shower--my Mom paid for mostly the shower itself---and my girls paid for decorations, favors, and any extras outside of the shower locale and food.
perhaps it can be split up like that?
MEMEJOR
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
I would tell her that you are so honored to be in the wedding party... but things are tight right now and you will try to cheap is as much as possible
JKamore
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
thanks for responding!!! only thing I don't know the other bridesmaids.... my friend who is getting married never introduced any of us. ( I find that odd in itself) I am thinking of mentioning that to the mom that maybe the bridesmaids can be in charge of everything besides the hall and food.
Kristina2009
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
Unfortunetely, I think tradition says the BMs host and pay for the shower. However, they also plan it within their means.
For most weddings I have been in, the mom has taken the lead and covered the bulk of the shower.
My advice would be to call up the mom and tell her you are not able, for finanical reasons, to cover much of the shower and ask her what she thinks it will run. Try to offer to help in other ways - decorations, baked goods, chocolate lollipops, invitations, etc. I would just be honest. No need to rush to jumping out of teh wedding party.
JKamore
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
thanks girls.... I don't want to back out, I just feel so bad that I can't contribute a lot of $$. Her mom is supposed to call me tonight about the shower so I'll ask her how much she thinks everything will cost. thanks again!
shopaholic07
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
The mother of the bride has paid for the shower at all of the showers I have attended. I honestly had never heard of the BM's chipping in until I joined this site.
ETA: Also, if all of the BMs are going to help PAY for the shower, then you should all PLAN it.
ant090608
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
I have never heard about the BM's chipping in. I always thought it was the mother of the bride.
JKamore
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
Posted by ant090608
I have never heard about the BM's chipping in. I always thought it was the mother of the bride.
That's what I thought too. I don't mind helping out planning wise... I just don't have lots of money to shell out.
PP424
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
Based on my friends and families weddings, the Bridal Party and Brides mom usually plan and pay for the Bridal Shower. But usually everyone helps plan out the details so it can work with everyone's budget, but still be the perfect shower for the bride.
I would talk to the mom and explain your financial situation and explain how you'd really want to help, maybe you can make some things and help decorate and anything that might not be as costly. I wouldn't back out because of the shower though, I'm sure her mom will work with you.
traditionally it is the MOH and bp that throws the shower. Obviously tradition has gone out the window with a lot of things lately (like us paying for our own weddings). The last time I was a BM we split the costs equally with the MOB.... If you cant afford much then you'll have to discuss with the mom and see if you can do a lesse xpensive version of what she had in mind!
Who Throws the Bridal Shower? Typically, the maid of honor hosts the bridal shower, unless she is a member of the bride's immediate family. (Many etiquette guides frown on a family member hosting, because it looks like she's trying to get gifts for the bride. Often the mother of the bride and/or the bride's sister will still be involved, just not technically be the host. Others realize that in this modern world, a relative is sometimes the only appropriate host.)
For an informal, or casual shower, the maid of honor or host picks up all the costs. For a more elaborate shower, she may talk to the other bridesmaids and get them to agree on chipping in or splitting costs at the beginning of the planning process. And of course she can, and should, ask the other bridesmaids to help with set up, planning, decorating, etc.
bkposh
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
hmm tricky question. I have never been to a shower where the MOH or bridal party paid. It has always been the mother of bride. Personally i dont understand y the bridal party should be required to spend thousands of dollars to throw the bride a shower when they are already shelling out lots of money for a dress, shoes, hair, nails, a gift etc....
i didnt want to impose that on any of my friends so we opted out of a bridal party all together.
hey times are tough...if you can chip in and you want to chip in then do it otherwise just let her mom know that you financially cant.
MrsD71208
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
My mom did. I wouldn't want my BP to pay, that's just me though.
Lissy3077
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
of all the showers that i've been at, including my own, the motehr of the brides have paid for it.. I've never heard of BP paying except for the bachelorette party...
mls282
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
From what I know it use to be the Maid Honor and Bridesmaids but ti think that was when the parents of the bride were footing the cost of the wedding. Now it seems more and more the couple is paying for the wedding... at least in my case and my friends cases. So the mother of the bride has then shifted to throwing the Bridal Shower. Which is what is happening for me. This leaves my bridesmaids - mostly my sister and a couple friends just the bachelorette party to pay for and plan. At least thats how it seems from my point of view. If the parens of the bride are paying for the entire wedding and reception it is unlikely they will be footing the bill for the shower... then it falls on the lucky bridesmaids :)
Good luck :) I would just be honest and let her know the situation. You would be happy to contribute some but you can't afford too much. Determine what you can afford and just give as much as you can.
I am sure it will all work out. I wouldn't drop out of being a bridesmaid that would really hurt the bride I am sure. She obviously really cares about you or she wouldn't have asked you to stand for her on her most special day :)
hogie2be
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
I have always paid as a BM for the bridal shower. And most of the time without any input on where, when, how , or whatever. Once I felt so frustrated with the MOB that I slighted the bride on the gift. But felt guilty and got her another one for her couple's shower.
This is partially why I didn't want a BP.. my girls are strapped already!
Athee07
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
My mom payed for the whole thing- all of my bridal party is in college and paying off other stuff I couldnt possibly imagine having them pay for my shower...
Ann 52409
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
I am planning a bridal shower now and all the bridesmaids are paying, the mother isnt paying anything and therefore isnt planning anything.
Kricket212
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Re: Bridal Shower... who pays?
I am in process now of trying to help with some things for my own shower. I know the girls (My BM) don't have alot of money either. My Mom in law said she would pay half. My mom could only afford $500- and the rest will have to be paid by bridesmaids. It is an expensive day.!!
