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I've been in a few weddings before and have never been asked to plan/pay for the shower. My friend is getting married in Nov and her mom recently contacted me about her shower. Informed me of the plans, (where, when) etc and then she adds in I'll try and keep it low key so you girls (the 4 bridesmaids) won't have to empty your pockets for this. Now I don't mind chipping in but I recently had a baby, am unemployed and I just don't have hundreds of $$$ to shell out of this. Should I back out of being a bridesmaid or just let her mom know that I can't afford to pay lots of money for the shower. I was just taken back by her moms commen b/c every shower I've attended the moms usually paid for it. The bridesmaids were in charge of paying for the bachelorette party. Sorry its so long... I knew that you girls on here would give me your honest opinions!!! :)
I've been in 3 weddings and have always chipped in for the shower and shower gift. The mom has always chipped in a payed a share.
funny i was just talking to someone today about this and was told that traditionally, BMs pay for the shower -- i can't expect my BMs to pay and I know that my mom and sis are paying for everything
The wedding I was in the cost of the shower was split evenly between all BM's and the moms on both sides. I was the one who planned it and was told by the bride that that is how it was done in all the bridal parties that she was in, (and she was in like 4-5 bridal parties through out the years, I had never been in one so she gave me the low down on what she was used to) I am not sure if traditionally the grooms mother is supposed to chip in, but i didnt want her to feel like I purposely left her out of planning so I included her in all the plans and how things were going and she ended up chipping in as well. Hope that helps!
my bm's are paying for my shower. My mom is chipping in somewhat but my sister (MOH) is doing most of it. Traditionally I know that is what is supposed to happen but now I know it is usually the MOB that pays because it is a large expense for the bridal party. My girls are spending a lot for my wedding, but my parents are paying for the whole wedding so i don't think its fair for her to have to throw another party for me.
Posted by ant090608
I have never heard about the BM's chipping in. I always thought it was the mother of the bride.
Posted by ynksfan167
Posted by ant090608
I have never heard about the BM's chipping in. I always thought it was the mother of the bride.
I have always had the opposite. Every wedding that I was in was paid for my the BM and the mom contributing a little.
Traditionally its the bridal party who pay. For mine, my bridal party & mom are paying, but they are having it outside in my parents backyard so that we don't have to pay per plate then it gets $$. My parents have an acre and a half of land, so there will be more then enough room !
If the mom wants you to pay for the shower, then she needs to allow you to plan it. She can't just plan it, say she'll make it cheap for you girls, and then hand you the bill. As a mother, she should WANT to pay for her daughter's shower and have you girls get the minor stuff, but again, if she wants you girls to pay for it, then you girls should be planning it.
Posted by Kristina2009
Unfortunetely, I think tradition says the BMs host and pay for the shower. However, they also plan it within their means.
For most weddings I have been in, the mom has taken the lead and covered the bulk of the shower.
My advice would be to call up the mom and tell her you are not able, for finanical reasons, to cover much of the shower and ask her what she thinks it will run. Try to offer to help in other ways - decorations, baked goods, chocolate lollipops, invitations, etc. I would just be honest. No need to rush to jumping out of teh wedding party.
