Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

Danielle Posted: Nov 20, 2003 08:34 PM

Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

Ok... I am a bridesmaid for my college roommate and her two sisters are the matrons of honor.

Her sisters decided that we should all pay for the shower... so I have to pay for that. (about $200)

The wedding is in Jan... just found out she doesn't have room for me in her house so I have to get a hotel for 2 or possibly 3 nights, plus the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and wedding present.

I'm not complaining, just with paying for grad school, my own wedding, and a house all in the same year, I'm trying to pinch pennies.

Anyway, my question: Is the fact that I'm paying for the shower considered a shower present or do I need to spend more?

I want to do what's right... but if the shower is the present, all the better for me!!

:) Thanks, wedding experts!

Angie&Rob Posted: Nov 20, 2003 08:58 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

Honestly, I think you are supposed to get her a gift at the shower; if you are having trouble coming up with money, talk to the bridesmaids and let them know; you might be able to contribute a little less to the shower.

kdelace Posted: Nov 20, 2003 09:15 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

I just had my bridal shower. Because I dont really speak to my mother, My sister and 1st cousin along with the bridal party gave me my shower. In addition, they all chipped in and bought me a digital camera. I was not expecting anything from them since they paid for the whole thing but they did and I appreciate it. I also had a large bridal party so that helped. I have been in so many bridal parties and it is an expense... but when it is your turn, its so much fun!!!

luvsun27 Posted: Nov 20, 2003 09:22 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

For everytime is was a BM...I had to chip in for the shower...and buy a gift. Yes...the expenses do add up. I'm sorry...that doesn't really help you.

jenny2penny Posted: Nov 20, 2003 09:45 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

yes I do hear more and more that the BM all chip in on shower and can get a gift together too (something larger/more expensive off registry)

I paid $200 for shower (this was paid by 9 girls too) + shower gift + $250 dress + dyed shoes + took her out to dinner/dancing/drinks as B-Party. It was FH sister so he paid for their engagement & wedding gift, THANK GOD!!!!

Danielle Posted: Nov 20, 2003 10:00 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

Oh my god!!! I had no idea it was this much!!! No wonder my other friend refuses to be in every wedding people ask her to be in!!!

BriBri529 Posted: Nov 20, 2003 10:16 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

I think you still have to give or contibute to an additional gift. My parents refuse to take money from my BMs for the shower. It would be a GREAT help since they are paying for a lot already, but they do not feel it is fair to put the financial responsibility on the BMs. I know my Bms will be greatful for this . . .

butterfly20 Posted: Nov 20, 2003 10:16 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

if your worried you can always get something small.....
theres a thing called
a basket of candles, each one labled 'first makeup, first anniversary, etc'... a whole bunch of them..
a cute idea..

ChristineC68 Posted: Nov 20, 2003 10:21 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

IMO, I would be more excited about having someone be able to be a part of my day then being concerned about getting a shower gift. In a case like yours (tuition, travel, etc), I would consider the shower the gift.

PrincessRose Posted: Nov 21, 2003 09:39 AM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

I was MOH for my Matron of Honor in June. I planned her shower and helped pay for it. Plus I travelled almost 8 hours to get there.

I didn't get her an additional gift. She didn't mind.

There are also gifts that don't cost so much - something creative, something heartfelt. Maybe a collage of pictures of the two of you?

Nora101004 Posted: Nov 21, 2003 12:57 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

$200 seems like a lot, my mom and I paid for my sisters and it was about $350, it was in a common room in the condo we live in. Brought food from Stop and Shop. It was perfect. We could have spend a little less, but we went crazy with decorations and ordered enough food for twice as many people. I'd explain your situtaion and tell them you just can't afford that much. Is there anywhere else you can stay for the wedding? Another BM's house? Could you share a room with another person in the bridal party?

usuk2004 Posted: Nov 21, 2003 01:03 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

I think you can get her something small and personal--and fun!!...maybe an item of lingerie that you can find in Kohl's or something (Vicky's is so expensive!)

Kelly9904 Posted: Nov 21, 2003 01:08 PM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

Personally I wouldnt expect my BM to get me a gift if they were paying for my shower! However if you think she will be offended get her sometime in expensive I made my MOH a basket of holiday bath towel (Kohls is a great source becuase htey are always running sales) and that worked out great!
I have also done the candle thing at it was soo cute plus I went to the 99 cent store and got all the candles so it wasnt expensive!!

Danielle Posted: Nov 22, 2003 09:10 AM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

The other bridesmaids are her sisters who are staying in her house (they are both out of state) and his sister, who lives there anyway. I'm the only one who will be staying in a hotel.

I think I'm going to just get something small... she knows money is tight... I really love that candle idea.... she loves candles too!

Thanks, girls, you are awesome!

kathleenmarie Posted: Nov 22, 2003 09:22 AM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

when i was in a bridal party we gave the shower and then chipped in for a group gift.....Its ALL so expensive! yikes!

dgtlsunshine Posted: Nov 22, 2003 09:24 AM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

My bridesmaids got me separate gifts as well. I can't remember exactly now but I think one of them did not. However, they know how I am and that I would NEVER EXPECT them to give me anything. I am very different from most people when it comes to gifts.

The bridal party spends soooooooooooo much money that it sickens me to hear brides say I expect this and I expect that.

I had out of state bridal attendants that had to pay for all their wedding attire and hotel and transportation to new york. If they did not give me anything after all of that I would not think twice about it.

However I had my true friends and family in the wedding. You know your friend. Go from that. If she is a very appreciative person I think she will be glad just to see you.

jannshari Posted: Nov 22, 2003 09:25 AM

Re: Bridal Shower--who pays? and do I get an additional gift?

This is precisely why I don't want my BM to have to spend money on me. None of them are really in a position to be spending a lot of money, and I don't want them to see my wedding as a burden to them in any way. I am lucky enough to be able to get their BM dresses for free so they don't have to shoulder the burden for that, and I don't expect a shower. The only thing that I would ask them to spend money on is their hair and/or makeup, should they want it done. They are honoring me by standing by my side on my wedding day and showing their love for me in that way - it shouldn't cost them an arm and a leg. Even if I were doing things in the typical way, if I knew that they were shelling out money for a party for me, I would never expect them to also get me a gift. I'm sure your friend will understand your situation and not be insulted if you didn't get her a gift in addition to the shower. Can you speak with the rest of the BM about this or speak with your friend directly? I think if you tell them that this is really tight for you financially, they'll have to understand.

Then again, maybe I'm just naive.