Bridemaid should I cut ties? kinda long

So, I have this bridesmaid who I have known for 27 years. She has been flaky from the beggining saying she wants to get preggers and she backed out and then she decided not to get pregnant and is back in...anyway, now she is pregnant. That is fine but, she basically tipped me off about my shower saying one our friends did not get a invite (hello ask my MOH). So, I knew it was coming because of her. Yesterday at my shower she sat there and moped didn't help at all. She is only 3 or 4 months. I mean I have never been pregnant and she might not feel good but, she just sat with another bridesmaid who is pregnant and talked about being pregnant. But, the cincher was when I got home and read my cards....she wrote, 'sorry i couldn't get you more but, the girls chipped in for the shower'. WHAT!!!! why even say that I don't even care if you get me a gift. Besides I think the gift she gave me was regifted. Now I just had enough of her selfishness. I want to cut her off. I have a feeling the whole wedding she is going to bring it back to her. sorry had to vent

hMMMM It sounds to me you have more problems with this girl then just this. This incident doesn seem to warrant cutting ties with a friend for 27 years. There is def something else that has gotten under your skin..maybe repeated resentment over something. But JMO but this doesn't seem like something to lose a 27year long friendship over.
She is preggers...you are getting married...her priority is her pregnancy not your wedding... I know it s*cks..my BFF was preggers when I got engaged..but we both told eachother even though we'd love to be there for each other more..we both understood with everyting going on we just couldnt but we knew we were in eachother's hearts.

3-4 preggers..you are still exhausted and you will always be crabby depending on the pregnancy of course.. maybe she was havinga particularly bad day that happened to fall on your shower day.

If there are other reasons..fine but I do feel you are being a little selfish yourself. Not to be mean or anything...but we need to realize people have other things going on besides our wedding..just put it all in perspective....
good luck

of course I realize that it may seem as I if I am being selfish.
I guess this is a build up of many things. When it was her wedding I was not asked to be in her bridal party. She had a small bridal party 2 of them out of the country and 1 was useless. I went out of my way to help her for her shower. She even said that she regrets not asking me because of all I did. I just thought when it was my turn she would return the favor. I guess what she wrote in my card was the nail in the coffin. All my other bridesmaids have had enough of her and my MOH will not even deal with her anymore because of how she has been. FI has had enough too.

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Posted by shcole08

of course I realize that it may seem as I if I am being selfish.
I guess this is a build up of many things. When it was her wedding I was not asked to be in her bridal party. She had a small bridal party 2 of them out of the country and 1 was useless. I went out of my way to help her for her shower. She even said that she regrets not asking me because of all I did. I just thought when it was my turn she would return the favor. I guess what she wrote in my card was the nail in the coffin. All my other bridesmaids have had enough of her and my MOH will not even deal with her anymore because of how she has been. FI has had enough too.

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Yeah so obviously there have been issues with her other than this....it's a tough call....if you feel that it's a one sided friendship then it's not worth keeping......friendship has to be reciprical.

Hmmm maybe you should try talking to her first, it sounds like maybe you just both have a lot on your plate at this time. sit down and talk first than maybe things will become clearer HTH

I agree that you need to talk to her. Don't end a friendship of 27 years just like that.

One good thing is that she was honest with you in the beginning and told you she was trying to get pregnant, which honestly there is nothing wrong with that, so seems like she took you into consideration to let you know in the beginning.

The whole thing the day of your shower, i dont really think she did anything wrong. If my friend was pregnant i would want her to sit and relax instead of running around to help, her and the health of the baby is alot more important. Actually 3-4 months is when morning sickness starts kicking in. Every woman is different so some start getting sick at 3 months others 4 or 5 months.

I would talk to her though, maybe she doesnt realize that she isnt focusing on your wedding as much. The way we sometimes get self involved with our weddings is the way a pregnant woman will get self involved with her pregnancy, not bc she is a horrible person but you do it without realizing.

I mean honestly, and not you im talking about since ive been on these boards, i see girls on here get upset about their bm's being pregnant, sometimes you see some so concerned with their own weddings and forget that others do have a life of their own and forget to be happy for their friend.

Dont forget that this is one of the biggest moments of her life too and something very important going on at the moment, so make sure that youre also involved with her having a baby and showing that youre excited about that

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Posted by Espo22

I agree that you need to talk to her. Don't end a friendship of 27 years just like that.

One good thing is that she was honest with you in the beginning and told you she was trying to get pregnant, which honestly there is nothing wrong with that, so seems like she took you into consideration to let you know in the beginning.

The whole thing the day of your shower, i dont really think she did anything wrong. If my friend was pregnant i would want her to sit and relax instead of running around to help, her and the health of the baby is alot more important. Actually 3-4 months is when morning sickness starts kicking in. Every woman is different so some start getting sick at 3 months others 4 or 5 months.

I would talk to her though, maybe she doesnt realize that she isnt focusing on your wedding as much. The way we sometimes get self involved with our weddings is the way a pregnant woman will get self involved with her pregnancy, not bc she is a horrible person but you do it without realizing.

I mean honestly, and not you im talking about since ive been on these boards, i see girls on here get upset about their bm's being pregnant, sometimes you see some so concerned with their own weddings and forget that others do have a life of their own and forget to be happy for their friend.

Dont forget that this is one of the biggest moments of her life too and something very important going on at the moment, so make sure that youre also involved with her having a baby and showing that youre excited about that

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I have to absolutely agree. Denise you took the words out of my mouth.

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Posted by Espo22

I agree that you need to talk to her. Don't end a friendship of 27 years just like that.

One good thing is that she was honest with you in the beginning and told you she was trying to get pregnant, which honestly there is nothing wrong with that, so seems like she took you into consideration to let you know in the beginning.

The whole thing the day of your shower, i dont really think she did anything wrong. If my friend was pregnant i would want her to sit and relax instead of running around to help, her and the health of the baby is alot more important. Actually 3-4 months is when morning sickness starts kicking in. Every woman is different so some start getting sick at 3 months others 4 or 5 months.

I would talk to her though, maybe she doesnt realize that she isnt focusing on your wedding as much. The way we sometimes get self involved with our weddings is the way a pregnant woman will get self involved with her pregnancy, not bc she is a horrible person but you do it without realizing.

I mean honestly, and not you im talking about since ive been on these boards, i see girls on here get upset about their bm's being pregnant, sometimes you see some so concerned with their own weddings and forget that others do have a life of their own and forget to be happy for their friend.

Dont forget that this is one of the biggest moments of her life too and something very important going on at the moment, so make sure that youre also involved with her having a baby and showing that youre excited about that

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I agree

I was friends with someone for 29 years. We lived together as room mates at certain points and I was her labor coach TWICE. I was a BM in her wedding two years ago and all through the process she was the nastiest ***** on the planet. OMG, it was so bad. The morning of her wedding she said I ruined her day because I was 15 minutes late to her hotel to take pictures. I literally sat in her suite for 90 minutes while we waited for the limo to arrive. And the entire time she bitched about my lateness. I knew then that it was over. I fake smiled throughout the entire wedding and never spoke to her again. I also took the card I bought her with my $450 check/gift and ripped it to shreds.

You have to ask yourself if her behavior is so bad that the friendship can't be saved. If it is that bad then say goodbye for closure and don't look back

Based on this incident alone? Probably not.

However, it sounds like there is a lot underlying all of this, and if you feel strongly enough to post and want her out, I would think carefully about that. You dont want to look back on your pictures forever and be upset because X is in them.

I had bridesmaid issues as well with a girl who was once my best friend but made me feel awful every step of the way (in wedding-related things, and non-wedding related life in general) and it got to the point where I really regretted asking her to be a bridesmaid. We had a big blow-up and she said some awful things, and I asked her to step down. I told her this was ruining our friendship, and I wanted to have a shot at salvaging things. Maybe you can try that with your friend? You can say that all of this is straining your relationship and you think it would be easier for both of you if she wasn't in the bridal party but you really want her to come to the wedding and you're so happy for her etc.... didn't work in my case (ex-BM rsvp'd no) but our friendship had been long dead by that point and it's nice to have closure -- and it reinforces why I am so glad she is no longer a BM