Do you ever feel bored? I don't know what the deal is, but ever since I moved in, I'm totally bored. We don't date anymore. It may have to do with saving $ for the wedding and, as an attorney I work very long, late hours, but I feel like I'm playing house. I don't feel like cooking and cleaning when I come home...sorry! I also feel like there is no excitement on his part to see me anymore b/c I'm there all the time so maybe I feel taken for granted. I don't know. I guess what I want to know is can anyone else identify with any of this?
jakcat
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I agree that sometimes life can begin to feel a little bit boring when you live together. . . but I think those are the times when you have to put a little bit more effort into the relationship. . . I agree with the date night (we love ours and make sure that we never skip more than a week before another one) we pick two nights a week (or try to anyway) where we turn off the tv/computers etc. and just talk or play a game or give each other a massage My point is. . .when you make a greater effort to create more interactive intimacy--not just laying together watching tv (which we do plenty of as well) but actually doing things, I think you each grow to really crave those moments and so they become more essential to your day and you inevitably feel closer and more attached to your man and vice versa Do fun things . . . or silly things that you haven't done since you were a kid . . . go to the park and play wiffle ball or swing on the swings together . . . go for a bike ride to get an ice . . . make a list of items and go on a scavenger hunt together. . . fly a kite. . . go for a walk on the beach in search for the perfect shell. . . who knows, there are fifty million things you can do that can be fun. . . so just go do it!! Have fun we've lived together for just over 5 years. . .and I wouldn't have it any other way
sarahradio5
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I think feeling 'bored' is a little different than him just 'not taking the initiative' to plan dates. It sounds like you do like being with him... and it's so good that you try to go to the gym and eat dinner together. I think a lot of us are experiencing 'date' withdrawal... but then the benefits are having the love of our life to come home to and be comfortable with.
By the way... I can't remember the last time my FH planned a night out for us. In fact, the last special thing he did plan for me was our engagement! I always kind of whine that he never makes 'reservations' for a special night... it's always me. But, I'm a 'planner' and an 'organizer'... he's not. At ALL.
BHW
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Re: Brides living with FH...
Posted by mrsh2b
Posted by BHW
Have you talked about this with your FI? How does he feel?
Oh yeah...he tells me he's going to quit his job so he can plan dates for me full time. LOL....I think it goes in one ear and out the other. I don't nag him about it either, so I don't know what the problem is. It's just definitely not a priority for him to be romantic...again, I don't know if that's him being a guy, but planning a date is like a chore to him, like mowing the lawn! Although the lawn gets mowed before he plans dates I can tell you that!
I would talk to him and be completely honest with how you're feeling. It's better to get this out now than to let it keep building up. Maybe he doesn't realize how much this is bothering you.
Date nights don't have to be a chore. Would he be more likely to go out if you told him he could pick the place and activity? What kind of things do you like to do together? Do either of you like sports? How about even going to a baseball game or something like that? You can also go to the beach, the park, a concert, wineries, a night out in the city, etc.
patticakes
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I almost see what you mean. We are still so excited to see each other at the end of the work day but I know what you mean about the cooking thing. I've gotten so lax with that....
ONay
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I know what you ladies are saying.. one minute, you feel bored, then next minute you feel excited, etc.
My FH and I bought a house and moved in about three years ago and in the beginning, there were quite a lot of adjustments that we had to make. Also, we usually don't see each other due to long work hours.
However, we play poker together (this is when I really see him... ). When we both feel 'bored' then, we would do one of our favorite things like... taking a road trip.
So, take a road trip.. say, to the Poconos.. hiking; to Maryland... have crabs; etc.
ali120206
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I am not bored but, I think I have become a little boring! Before, everytime we saw each other was like a 'date', I had a roommate, he lived at home. Now, we eat in and do a lot of tv watching.
We make sure to sit at the table together and a lot of times we work on dinner together (and cleaning together). We also try to go out and do something together at least once a week (schedules permitting, he's in the fdny so it changes).
We also do our separate things too, girls/guys nights and everything so between that and the whole scheduling thing, it helps us appreciate our time together more.
mskittynj
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Re: Brides living with FH...
Posted by johnsae
yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like our relationship goes in stages...sometimes it is boring, sometimes exciting....but, that's life. It's not all a fairytale....
I think I have to agree with this one! XOXOXO Kitty
sarahradio5
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Re: Brides living with FH...
Posted by ONay
So, take a road trip.. say, to the Poconos.. hiking; to Maryland... have crabs; etc.
I LOVE road trips together! Although, now we're going to have to take out a small loan just to pay for the GAS!!
mrsh2b
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Re: Brides living with FH...
Hmmm...maybe I wouldn't be working such long hours if I actually did work instead of posting on these boards all day! I can't help myself though! Haha....this is so addicting!
MrsH1156
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Re: Brides living with FH...
FH and I have been living together for over 2 1/2 years now. All relationships take work and it's to be expected. FH and I are both in our early 30's so we had a different situation than some who had not lived on their own before marriage(combining two households, 2 incomes, etc). We keep things balanced as much as possible but there will always be ups and downs. My FH is my best friend and vice versa. I think it will always be an adventure and a learning experience and, when it gets boring, you have to change things up to refresh the relationship.
Bridex100
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I don't live with my FH but I know that if I left it up to him, we would probably never do anything. I am always making plans for us.
Doing something fun doesn't have to be expensive. You can go to a museum, have a bbq with some friends, go rollerblading, etc...
I hear you on saving for the wedding but it shouldn't prevent you from having fun.
BellaEyes
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Re: Brides living with FH...
Posted by johnsae
yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like our relationship goes in stages...sometimes it is boring, sometimes exciting....but, that's life. It's not all a fairytale....
I agree
ML110
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Re: Brides living with FH...
Posted by BellaEyes
Posted by johnsae
yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like our relationship goes in stages...sometimes it is boring, sometimes exciting....but, that's life. It's not all a fairytale....
i agree, too! it definitely goes in stages, and its not gonna always be that 'young love' type feeling... DH and i do everyday things together to make them more fun- we take the dog for a walk together and do goofy stuff with him... we cook dinner together and have mini food fights make competitions out of who can clean a room faster.... that kind stuff that makes it more fun. but i have to admit, i like being boring sometimes- theres nothin better than curling up on the couch with DH watching CSI and reading a magazine....
Katie&Chris2006
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I kind of know what you mean. When FH and I first started dating we had a long distance relationship. Every Wednesday night FH would travel to see me and stay over and leave Thursday morning. And then we spent weekends together. I would live for these Wednesday night date nights!
We have lived together for a year now and every once in a while I feel like we are in a little bit of a rut because we do the same thing every day. But we do our best to keep things exciting. He picks me up from the train station every afternoon and I still get butterflies in my stomach. We also try to go on dinner dates once or twice a week, and do lots of wedding planning together. But I know what you mean...sometimes it is just not the same as it was in the beginning.
Mdolph6
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Re: Brides living with FH...
I can say I know where you are coming from alittle bit.....we used to go out to dinner once a week just the two of us and now that we live together (we live in his parents house, that we will be buying when they move in a couple of months) anyway now we seem to always go to dinner with his parents and there friends. His parents are always fun to be with but I miss that time we had for ourselves. Other then that little issue, things are alittle more exciting now that we live together...
Swan06
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Re: Brides living with FH...
Yeah the dating does stop. Our dates are basically spent with the in-laws. I told FH that we needed to go out more and we're both are trying to make the effort. Just bring it up and try to set time apart even if it's just once a month in order to save money for the upcoming wedding. Good luck
