Brides Maid Blues

Please let me know if I am the only one who wants to cry when I think about how uninterested my BMs have become. I had a VERY small shower that my MOH/sister paid for all by herself and now I am planning my own bachelorette party that they were all talking about at the shower. No one wants to lend a hand, but they have no problem asking me for things. TWO asked me to pick up their dresses. I said no, but what are they thinking? I'm the bride planning it all by myself with no help from my family and a little from my FI. I feel like telling them I am dissappointed in them. I know it's MY wedding and they can't possibly be as excited about it as me, but why can't they do something nice for a friend? I am hurting so bad that I almost cried on the way to work today. Advice?

Brides Maid Blues

I hear you sister! I too have come to hate my BM's (I have 5 total). In fact, last week I had a total breakdown and cried to my FI. I realize that no one is going to care as much as I do about my wedding, but I would love to get a phone call everyonce in a while asking how I'm doing. Three of the girls have done nothing since my shower (paid for by my parents) which was done months ago. They did manage to send out invitations before I even registered. To be honest, I would love it if they backed out. When I asked them to be bridesmaids, it was because I wanted them to stand beside me on the day as my best friends. Now, I feel like I don't even know them. If I could do it again, I would only have had 1 or 2. I have realized who my real friends are, and unfortunatly, they aren't in my bridal party.

Brides Maid Blues-you said it!

Boy, you said exactly how I feel. I feel like these people WERE my friends and now they are not. I also can't get them to return my phone calls. They don't deserve to stand by my side. I even spoke to one and gave her the chance to back out without any repercussions. Of course she doesn't want to do that, but she doesn't want to help out either. Thanks for letting me bitch. I feel a little bit better now, and like my FI says, it will all be over in a few weeks. Then years from now, I'll be saying, 'I wonder what ever happened to them,' because they surely won't have a place in my life.

Brides Maid Blues-you said it!

Here! Here! I too am counting the 29 days left until my wedding and know that after that, I don't even want to see them again.

Brides Maid Blues-you said it!

I'm 22 days and I hope that things go smoothly for your day. At least you've got a fairly supportive family, right?

Brides Maid Blues-you said it!

Yes, I do. But my sister, who is also my Maid of Honor, and who also doesn't have a job (just graduated college) doesn't care to help. I have lots of people who have said they want to help, but I feel weird actually taking them up on it because it should be the BM's offering to help. I'm embarrassed taking help from other people and telling them that they are the only ones who have offered.

Strange Maids/Friends Phenomenon (long)

Ladies, I can't understand why this happens to so many people! I too, felt the exact same way that all of you do about BM's and other friends who are involved in the wedding. I don't know why it happens. Unlike some of you, I only asked my family members to be maids, b/c I though I'd avoid the strange BM phenomenon that turns friends into people you hate. I think stress and heightened emotions make people act differently. But I certainly didn't expect some of the things that happened! I never had a bachelorette party b/c one of my friends blew off her promise to plan it. She even tried to blame it on my family! I was very disappointed by a 'close' friend that was not around to support me during the last few, very important weeks before the wedding (and I was planning long dist.)They even missed my shower! I posted earlier about completely regretting having asked this person to do a reading at the ceremony. I had closer, and much longer-term friends that were more deserving of being a special part of our day, and they probably wondered why they weren't. Thank goodness they are still tried and true friends! Good luck to all of you that are feeling hurt by this. I completely understand, and think it's so horrible to have to go through at such a happy time in your life. Just remember that by the time your wedding day comes, everyone will (hopefully) have their attitudes adjusted, and just be thrilled to finally be celebrating your big day!

Brides Maid Blues-you said it! Long

I can definitley relate to all this!! My BM's & MOH are my Family. I thought that all this child like behavior would not be part of this, with having family members. Ha Ha HA, Well was I wrong. It's unfortunate how these people that we thought and regarded and looked up to are the ones bringing us down. Yesterday I had to vent to a friend about all this and she couldn't beleive it!! She did tell me that it's still my day and if they don't like it, or want to be there then it's one more thing for me not to worry about!!!! They even tried to get my FH involved. PS after the wedding in 51 days!!, I'll tell all, only because I think they may be hanging around this site. So until then, hope all goes well with the rest of 'our' plans for 'our' weddings!!! And remember have the best time!! because I plan to!!!!!!!! :)

Brides Maid Blues

Don't feel bad. My own sister (MOH) is totally uninterested (or jealous) of my wedding plans. She is flying in from California for a week and doesn't even want to come with me to get my trial hair done. She is so concerned with her own boyfriend troubles that she could pretty much care less about my wedding.

Strange Maids/Friends Phenomenon (long)

I think that the 'tried and true' friends will be around for a long time, even if they aren't or weren't in your wedding party. There are friends I wish I had asked at this point and even compare dress sizes, but I could not be the kind of bride to fire a BM. My one sister refused to be in the wedding party, and she was probably the smartest one. My younger sister is the MOH and she couldn't care less about me or the wedding. I can't even get her to call me back. It's sad and I have cried over it too many times. None of them deserve to stand next to me on that day or in all of my wedding pictures. After this wedding, I already know who will still be my friends and they are not in my wedding party at all. The ones who have extended a helping hand even from out of state! Good luck to all brides and if you haven't picked your BMs yet, wait a while and see who is the most deserving.

what about a long talk?

Maybe it`s too late, but has anyone tried to sit down with their BM`s and have a long talk? This past Spring, my childhood friend got married, and long story short, all of our other school friends were in her bridal party except for me (my choice). So, I got to see all these girls start fighting, complaining on arriving an hour early for the shower to set up, and a week before the wedding, the bride told me if she had to do it again, she would have only chosen her sister to be in the wedding. Surprisingly, a few of these girls didn`t look at it as an honor, or to help a great friend out on the happiest day of her life, they looked at it like a responsibility, added expense, etc. I think there`s a fine line with this - I`ve heard some stories where brides are really demanding with destination bachelorette parties, (NOT saying this about these cases!), and other times bridesmaids expect to just show up the day of the wedding, without helping out in any way. Maybe it would help to sit down with the BM`s one on one and see how everyone`s feeling - this way there aren`t any expectations that the bride is not aware of. It may not work in all cases - with the entire expense and stress of a wedding, people ususally show their true colors to the B&G - and it`s not always pretty! Good luck

what about a long talk?

I've tried talking to each of them and it's funny how they all point the finger at someone else. Mostly what I have asked for is just a returned phone call. I have not demanded anything from anyone. I've asked and whatever each could do was fine, but when they start asking me to do things for them, it's like, 'Hey, who's getting married here?' My sister was the only one who paid for the shower and no one helped her plan it. At this point, I'm so stressed that all I really want/need is friendly support, and I'm very hurt that I can't get that. It doesn't cost anything to be nice, right?