Brides with deceased father's?

For brides who have deceased father's.... How are you handling things? I'm trying to focus on all of the positive things (marrying my true love, having other very special family members and friends to share our big day with, gaining an amazing family, etc...) but I'm having a really difficult time thinking about a positive wedding experience without my dad there to walk me down the aisle, take pictures with, or to dance with. We're doing a candle in memory of both of our dad's and the officiate is going to say something about both of our dad's (briefly) at the ceremony (we want them both mentioned but we don't want to make everyone cry at such a happy occasion). But I can't imagine going through that day without losing it... I can't even think about these things now without crying. Ok, I'm already losing it... Any advice from brides in the same boat as me????

FH's dad was a cop that passed away in line of duty over 19 years ago, so he's handling things much better. Mine died in a car accident two years ago. I would think that I've had two years to learn to cope (thought I was doing ok) but this wedding stuff is hitting me hard... Any advice???

Sorry to hear about your dad. I think its going to be hard for all of us missing our Dads. For everyone its different no matter if they passed 2 years or 10. You will be ok ,cry, laugh and know hes with you.

There are many ways to pay tribute to those that have passed. A while ago there was a thread all about this topic.Maybe do a search and you will see all the helpful words the LIW girls had.
HTH

I am very sorry for your loss.

I lost my father 10 years ago and its still hard. However 2 years is very recent. It seems like a long time, but its really not. It is normal to cry, during a normal day and your wedding day. Don't judge yourself, or think that you shouldn't cry during your wedding. Just take the time that you need. Don't feel pressure to have a certain type of reaction.

my father passed away alittle less then 2 years ago.. I miss him so much and I wish he can be here
my parents got divorced when I was very little so my mom is re-married. I met him a few times when I was little. My sister says that I should ask him to walk me down but it makes me really sad. and I was thinking about putting a memory booth but I dont want anyone to be upset at my wedding and my sister says that it will be wrong because I do have a stepfather,, I don't know what to do and its soo hard... I have a brother who is 2 years younger than me.. At first I thought it will be ok if he walks me down but everyone thinks my stepfather should..

thats my problem..

my father had diabetes for a really long time and I always thought he will live through my wedding.. but i kills me because someone else has to walk me down,.

my problem I guess does not even compare with yours
I am soooo sorry about your losses. I know its hard and its really hard for me but you just have to deal with it and accept the fact that hes in a better place and looking down at us smiling.. T.T

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Posted by lookitscassie

i wish i knew. im having such a hard time planning a wedding and dealing with it all. But my father hasnt passed yet. He's dying of cancer and they are only giving him a few months. So its harder i think.

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omg it must be soooo hard for you
I hope he gets better. I will be praying for you and your father..

My dad died a little under 2 years ago and this wedding thing is hitting hard now that our day is only 21 days left to go. I am trying to remember him by doing a memory candle with photos, something in the program, livestrong bracelets (he died of colon cancer) for favors. I am having my grandfather walk me down the aisle and I am doing a dedication dance for my dad for everyone to dance to.

It really is difficult and seeing as the 2 year anniversary is also approaching it is bringing everything back to me. It is going to be a very emotional day, there is no way around it. I tried to do things that would not make me cry and be upset but that would remember him.

It will be hard but try to stay strong.

Thanks everyone! I'm having such a rough time with this. And it helps to know that you guys know what I'm going through and vise versa. I'm so sorry you are all going through this. It's definitely not how I envisioned my day.

My mom is walking me down the aisle and my brother is in FH bridal party. I am thinking about asking my brother to do the father/daughter dance with me. I just don't want to be crying on my wedding day.... Mainly because I don't want to make it a sad occasion for anyone else. And I know my dad would not want me crying on this day-it would break his heart to look down on me and see me crying. I'm trying so hard to be strong but every time I think of the actual day, I lose it... So how am I going to be able to keep it together on that actual day???

My parents have been divorced a long time. My mom is remarried to a really good guy and I love him BUT he is not my dad. And I know that it would break my dad's heart for another man to walk me down the aisle or to give me away. I remember a week before he was in the accident, him actually talking to me about how much he couldnt wait for that day and for me to give him grandkids. So I can't let my step dad (no matter how great he is) take my dad's role. I'm including him in other ways but not that way. I'll dance with him but not 'that' dance. Do you think that's wrong? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I feel like I have to protect my dad's feelings too. What do you all think? How are you doing everything?

*cassie, I am so sorry that you're going through this right now. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to FM or call me. Anyone else in this situation-same goes for you!

* Tbone.... I love your idea about a dedication dance for your dad that everyone can dance to. Are you having the DJ say something special? Maybe I can do that and also dance a special dance with my brother. Do you think that's too much? If you need any help over the next 21 days- FM too... I can't imagine how you're dealing with things right now.

I'm in the same situation as well and have a stepfather also.. What I will be doing is have my mom walk me down the aisle. I agree there is really no one better suited. I feel that is supposed to be who is literally 'giving me away' and only my mom would be appropriate. I will be having my stepfather escort my 2 grandmothers down the aisle. As for the dance.. that's a tough one. I will either dance with my mom or skip the special dances altogether. FH's mom cant really dance, she uses a walker so we could get away with skipping it..

I understand what you are going through, I lost both of my parents, My Dad Passed over 9 years ago and My Mom passed over 2 years ago. What helps me through this is knowing that somehow they will be right beside me, when I marry my best friend.


My Aunt and Uncle (Dad's Sister and her Husband) will be walking me down the aisle.


I know that all of us who have lost our parent(s), they will be with us on our special day....

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Posted by SoontobeMrsMc

Thanks everyone! I'm having such a rough time with this. And it helps to know that you guys know what I'm going through and vise versa. I'm so sorry you are all going through this. It's definitely not how I envisioned my day.

My mom is walking me down the aisle and my brother is in FH bridal party. I am thinking about asking my brother to do the father/daughter dance with me. I just don't want to be crying on my wedding day.... Mainly because I don't want to make it a sad occasion for anyone else. And I know my dad would not want me crying on this day-it would break his heart to look down on me and see me crying. I'm trying so hard to be strong but every time I think of the actual day, I lose it... So how am I going to be able to keep it together on that actual day???

My parents have been divorced a long time. My mom is remarried to a really good guy and I love him BUT he is not my dad. And I know that it would break my dad's heart for another man to walk me down the aisle or to give me away. I remember a week before he was in the accident, him actually talking to me about how much he couldnt wait for that day and for me to give him grandkids. So I can't let my step dad (no matter how great he is) take my dad's role. I'm including him in other ways but not that way. I'll dance with him but not 'that' dance. Do you think that's wrong? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I feel like I have to protect my dad's feelings too. What do you all think? How are you doing everything?

*cassie, I am so sorry that you're going through this right now. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to FM or call me. Anyone else in this situation-same goes for you!

* Tbone.... I love your idea about a dedication dance for your dad that everyone can dance to. Are you having the DJ say something special? Maybe I can do that and also dance a special dance with my brother. Do you think that's too much? If you need any help over the next 21 days- FM too... I can't imagine how you're dealing with things right now.

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THanks
Yes, this is a difficult time that is coming up for me. I felt the same way about the father/daughter dance. I didn't want a substitute. I am having my band say that it is a dedication dance for my dad and for everyone to join the dance floor so the spotlight is not on me. I think that it is going to be sad though and that is what makes me nervous.
As I was wrapping my favors today I broke down in tears as my dad used to say if Lance Armstrong can beat cancer so can he.

Yeah, that's a tough one.... I would love to have a dedication dance but I don't know if I'm strong enough either. I agree, it would take the attention off of you but at the same time, it will be hard to have a dance for your dad but not be able to actually dance with him. I don't know! I know that people have it a lot worse and I try to keep reminding myself of that but it's still hard. Over the last two years, I've learned to cope (as best as one can) but the wedding stuff makes it really difficult. You envision your wedding from the time your a little girl and you never imagine in a million years that your dad won't be there to be part of it. I guess, we each need to figure out what makes us the happiest (under the circumstances) and what we can emotionally handle.... I think I'm going to light a candle before I walk down the aisle (symbolizes he is walking down with you) and the officiate is going to say something briefly during the ceremony. Another idea you might want to use.... these little tiny picture lockets that can be attached to your boquet. You can put a picture of your dad in there and keep him with you all day. It's just something really special and little? If you want, I can send you the link. I found it on here a while back.

Again, if any of you need to talk, please FM me. We can be each other's support system through all of this :

I completely understand and feel your pain. I don't think anything that I or anyone else says will make it better or easier.

I lost my father on April 25th extremely suddenly. I wanted to call off the whole wedding but I know how excited he was for our special day. I am grateful that he loved my FH and grateful that I planned my wedding so quickly. He knew every detail. He may have been more excited than me!

He also told so many people about the dress I liked. That made my decision. I will be wearing the gown he loved so much. I'm trying his handkerchief around my bouquet and tying his photo into my bouquet. I'm having his wedding band made into a ring or necklace for me to wear from my wedding day forward. We're having a memorial candle and part of the ceremony dedicated to him and honoring him. There will be pictures of him up during the ceremony and those will be moved (with the memorial candle) to our dais. Our favors are American Diabetes Association donations in his honor and memory.

Basically, I guess I'm saying that the little touches we'll all add will incorporate our dad's. It is in no way consolation nor does it make it better...but it does make me smile.

Our fathers are so, so, so proud of us and happy for us. I think if we keep that in our minds, things will be a bit easier.

And , if anything, we have each other. People in our situation are the only ones who understand. So, please, feel free to FM me anytime. I feel your pain and can say from my own experience...we're all strong women for getting through such rough times. We will have beautiful weddings and our dads will be so proud and they will be there!

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad FutrerMrsMultari. And you're right- they will be with us the entire day. It's going to be hard but we all need to remember that they wouldnt want us to be unhappy on our wedding day. Well if any of you ever want to talk- please FH me anytime! If you would rather talk on phone, just let me know. Thanks everyone!

My dad passed away 11 years ago. I know that he is watching over me. I still get emotional though. These last couple of weeks have been very stressful due to the wedding party but FH and parents have been helping us handle this. We know that the wedding will be beautiful and my dad will be there in spirit. West Sayville Country Club is where my dad had worked for so many years. It will be so beautiful.

~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael

I lost my father 20 years ago sometimes I'm shocked that's been that long. I was just turning 7!
Believe me I still think about him everyday and especially w/the upcoming wedding, but at the same time I'm so used to being w/o him. I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful step-father who I don't even consider 'step' anymore.
If his passing was a more recent thing, I'm not sure how I would do this. I feel for those of you going through that.
I will definitely have a picture up and memorial candle as well as a shout out (well, you know:) what I mean) in the program/ceremony.

My dad passed away decades ago....it's still hard... The way I dealt with it at our wedding made it a bit easier....

It's good you are having a memorial, but avoid making that a central point to the wedding... you're right, it would bring you down... and since both your FH and you are in the same boat, it likely will be doubly painful. Today's wedding ceremonies are very flexible, and its common to have your mom walk you down the isle, or for your FH to have a woman (perhaps his mom) as 'best woman'. Whatever you do, avoid even thinking for a moment that your mom or brother is filling in 'your dad's position'. Instead always remind yourself how blessed you are to have your mom and brother.... this way, you'll be happy, not sad, when walking down the isle.

In the reception, you should be partying and happy. I avoided parent dances completely. I 'didn't want to go there'.... no one realized we didn't have one, and our reception was very happy and upbeat since I didn't think of what was 'missing'.

Remember, if your dads were around, they would want more than anything for you to be happy at your wedding.... so avoid traditions or ceremonies that could make you sad.......