For brides who have deceased father's.... How are you handling things? I'm trying to focus on all of the positive things (marrying my true love, having other very special family members and friends to share our big day with, gaining an amazing family, etc...) but I'm having a really difficult time thinking about a positive wedding experience without my dad there to walk me down the aisle, take pictures with, or to dance with. We're doing a candle in memory of both of our dad's and the officiate is going to say something about both of our dad's (briefly) at the ceremony (we want them both mentioned but we don't want to make everyone cry at such a happy occasion). But I can't imagine going through that day without losing it... I can't even think about these things now without crying. Ok, I'm already losing it... Any advice from brides in the same boat as me????
FH's dad was a cop that passed away in line of duty over 19 years ago, so he's handling things much better. Mine died in a car accident two years ago. I would think that I've had two years to learn to cope (thought I was doing ok) but this wedding stuff is hitting me hard... Any advice???
SusiBtoM
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Re: Brides with deceased father's?
My mom died three years ago, and I am having a hard time dealing with that because all of the stuff that we should have been doing together, I have had to do with my sis and a close friend. It's just not the same. I really wanted my mom to see me in my wedding dress. I really wanted her to plan my shower, she loved doing that kind of stuff.
I am doing a memory candle that will burn the entire reception on the sweetheart table, I am having a picture of her on my bo-k, and I will wear her wedding ring, just like I do every day. My florist is making a special bo-k that I can place on her grave the day after the wedding, using the same flowers that are in mine and my sis's.
You never really get over it, you just learn to cope. Don't worry about losing it on your wedding day. If it happens, it happens. I am going to try not to, just to try to focus on the fact that this is what my mom would have wanted, me to be happy.
Just remember that your Dad is in your heart and will be watching over you on your special day.
JimmysPants
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Re: Brides with deceased father's?
Im in the same situation and I would like to have Dad's name mentioned in the ceremony and I will have his picture in the bouquet charm. I am just not sure how I will handle the reception as far as the dances and stuff like that. I have a lot to think about.
SoontobeMrsMc
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Re: Brides with deceased father's?
Everyone has such great ideas for how they are going to include their dad's (or late mom's)in their wedding. I'm going to try to include him as much as I can without making it a sad occasion. 'PortjeffBride', I agree with you. You want to honor them without making it the central point of your wedding. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. I know that he wouldn't have wanted it that-just like I'm sure none of your father's would have wanted that either. It's just so hard. I really thought I was getting better with dealing with things. I am finally able to talk about the accident, say his name, share stories, etc....without crying my eyes out. I actually felt that I was doing ok but doesn't wedding stuff make you feel like your back to square one again? I don't know... I think everyone has the same feelings that I do. You want to make the day happy and special but you also want everyone to remember and think of your dad. I guess it's just a matter of honoring them without making the day sad...... I love all of your ideas. Thank you for sharing them. You are all so helpful! xoxo
dgirl0114
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Re: Brides with deceased father's?
First of all, to everyone out there who has lost a parent, my prayers are with you. I know how hard it is for all of you.
My Dad passed away in April after a long bout with colon cancer. FH' s Dad passed away when he was 16. I find myself tearing up alot lately as our wedding day approaches. As much as the thought of them not being there hurts, we have a few ways of having them there in spirit that we are incorporating into our wedding.
Our officiant will have a moment of remembrance for them as well as FH's brother. We are doing donations to American Cancer Society in their memory. One of my very dear friends is 'giving me away' but as far as the 'dance' goes, I can't have anyone else fill in for Dad. So FH & I are going to dance to 'I Loved Her First' for that moment. We love the song because it feels like my Dad is singing to the two of us. Then, after FH dances with his Mom, we are going to play 'That's Amore' and have the DJ invite everyone to join us on the dance floor in memory of our Dads.
There will be tinges of sadness for both of us that day, as well as our families, but I also think it's important to remember them.
My heart goes out to all of you during this difficult time.
KarinAmanda
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Re: Brides with deceased father's?
take one day at a time. i lost my dad just over 4 years ago when I was 19, very suddenly also. that day changed my life forever - its like there was before, and now there is after... that day changed the way i live my life, my outlook on things and i wont ever be the same, neither will anyone in my family.
i look at it like this - there is nothing I can do now, he cant be there, and though I wish he could (more than anything, there isnt a thing I wouldnt give to have him back) I cant, SO we will celebrate. like his wakes, funeral etc. we will celebrate his life and the positives. we will remember him for making us laugh, for being our dad the # 1 guy i looked upto my entire life!
i am planning to have the priest say a prayer, to have a memorial candle at the ceremony which I will light with my mom and also to have a photo/video montage to honor him at the reception instead of a father daughter dance. i want to keep the mood light so I'm going to use 'somewhere over the rainbow' by IZ and pick funny pictures, loving memories! I want people to laugh and smile, not cry - because i know he wouldnt have it any other way!
remember that he is always with you, look for his signs, feel his warmth and keep him in your heart! he wouldnt want it any other way than to see you smile and enjoy YOUR day to the fullest!
ETS - also, to avoid having guests feel 'weird' if you choose to do something in memory - like us, you can choose to pass candles that people can light in memory of their lost loved ones. This way, everyone can be included even if they didnt know your dad and they can honor their lost loved ones
