'BRIDESMAID BLUES'..........(Need Some Advice)

hey everyone. I am a may bride, and have a wedding party consisiting of three girls,(all my cousins). I always thought we had an incredible relationship, until the wedding plans began. Two of my three bridesmaids live in Altlanta, GA, and are the ages of 20 and 21. Their have been some issues along the way, but this most recent one really burns me. First, because they are in college and miles away, i dont expect much from them in terms of bridesmaid duties. And i certainly do not feel sorry for myself becuase i've had my mother and my FI mom's right by my side the whole way. They are the best..... but the girls did not have to pay for their dresses, i purchased them at a Vera Wang sample sale for $50 each and never asked them to pay me back(figured they could put that toward something else) They have NOTHING to do with the bridal party, my FI's mom is taking care of it. They basically just have to show up on the big day, and be loving and supportive. The most recent problem.....the girls are doing their own make-up (southern girls are experts) and id like them to have their hair done the OPPOSISTE of mine. (as far as i know i am wearing my hair down). Well............my aunt called my mom yesterday at 7 in the morn to inform her that the girls are really NOT happy about the idea of wearing their hair up, they do not want to. Basically was informing my mom that the girls are very upset....the nerve!!!!Is this unbelievable???? OR am i just over reacting....these girls rarely call to see how plans are going, they have had an easy ride thus far, but there as petty to have their mom call about their hair......can we say SHALLOW??? I was annoyed to say the least, like my mom and my FI's mom dont have enough to think about right now. And my cousins were not courageous enough to come to me with this....im insulted. So answer me this.......Is it normal for a bride to want their bridesmaids to wear their hair 'different' than the bride???? I always thought it was....the only thing i can say is that they have never been in a bridal party, so they may be unsure of their responsibilities. But when i was in my first party i knew enough to not question the brides decisions, after all it was her big day. Any advice would be much appreciated.

'BRIDESMAID BLUES'..........(Need Some Advice)

It may be that your cousins were complaining to their Mom, but would go along with your wishes anyway, or did plan to talk to you, but your Aunt took it upon herself to call first. I wouldn`t worry about the hairstyles. Everyone will know you are the bride, and the hairstyle will not be the give-away! Keep in mind too that one`s hairstyle is pretty tied up in their self-image and how attractive they feel. Think of the last time you had a bad hair cut. I was in a bridal party once where the bride gave us all the gift of having our hair done, because she wanted us all in up-do`s. My hair is thick, straight and heavy - also not that long at the time. I thought the up-do looked kind of dumpy and pasted in place with pins and spray, because I didn`t have enough hair to do anything else. I would have preferred to wear my hair down and curled, which is a much more attractive style for me. Talk to them about it - I`m sure they don`t want to upstage you, but they want to feel attractive too. Maybe they can wear theirs pulled back or something slightly different, without going to a full up-do. By the way, historically, the purpose of bridesmaids is to fool evil spirts and kidnappers, so they did not know who was the bride, and they all dressed in white and tried to look the same.

I feel your pain...

Morning, You are totally justified in venting and being upset. Don't people realize it's the BRIDES special day and she should be the 'queen' for a day??? Whatever she wants should be ok. So, don't feel bad about being angry. You hit the nail on the head when you said that they've never been in a bridal party. One thing I've found is that peolple who have already been married and are now bridesmaids do a much better job in terms of calling, being interested and in truly being of help to the bride. They know what makes a bride feel special. I have friends from high school who never called to see how plans were going until like 2 months before. Meanwhile, I had been planning for over a year for this. I have learned to not expect much from people, so when they do something nice or extraordinary, I appreciate it. It's hard and sad but it helps. Can you call them and explain that you want to feel special and stand out from the other girls (I mean, hey, you are the bride!!!). Good luck and hang in there!! LisaMaye

'BRIDESMAID BLUES'..........(Need Some Advice)

Ditto for what Karen H and LisaMaye said. If I was you, I would call them myself and tell them you were told they were not happy about wearing their hair up. Then I would ask them why they are not happy about this(is there a 'good' reason?), then I would explain why you feel it's important for them to wear it up, and see what they say. Sometimes what seems like a big deal really isn't when the proper communication takes place(meaning you didn't get the news directly from them).You have every right at this point to feel upset/angry/insulted, but keep in mind your cousins are still very young, and they probably have no idea how important this day is for you and your future husband.They need to understand that this is your day not theirs, and if you get it out in the open I'm sure you'll be able to solve the problem. Good luck!

'BRIDESMAID BLUES'..........(Need Some Advice)

Listen, i just wanted to say thank you so much for the much needed, and appreciated advice. You all make great points, and have helped me to better deal with this situation. I am going to speak with my cousins face-to-face when they come down for my shower. It's very hard communicating when we live so many miles apart. The phone, and email just dont cut it....and points dont come across in the way that youd like. have a wonderful weekend, and thanks again.

'BRIDESMAID BLUES'--Fortzando

The nerve of your cousins! If you want their hair up then they shouldn't even question you! after all this is your day, not theirs. I told my 5 bridesmaids, that i wanted their hair up, i wanted them to look elegant, and NO ONE had a problem with this arrangement. i too wore my hair all up, although you couldn't see my hair, it was really slicked w/ a basket weave and my headpiece and waterfall veil covered it up. but you should tell these selfish cousins that this is how you want everyone to look and they should respect your wishes!! good luck!

'BRIDESMAID BLUES'--Fortzando

Thanks for the support Tracey! I wish my party wasnt so ........high maintenance!!! :) Unfortunately, the southern girls are VERY much into looking their BEST, and dont want to settle for less.... i will be speaking to them though....thanks again

Good luck-Fortzando, Don't let them stress you! *NM*